... to sleep, perchance to dream ...

... but not this time. One moment I was sitting talking with my lady, and then - nothing. Total silence, blackness, absolute oblivion. No sights, no sounds. And that was how I spent almost a full day. It gives me a feeling that I have seen what death must be like.

Mostly at night I sit and keep watch over Ellyana in her troubled sleep. It is no burden, it is something I do gladly for her. I hope that somewhere within whatever tortures her through the night hours she knows, somehow, that I watch, stroking her hair when she seems troubled, holding her when she weeps. It is little enough, I know, but it is all I can do for her. But no matter how I would wish otherwise I can do that only for so long then I must rest, and pray that nothing happens to her while I lie somewhere, unaware of what might occur.
That, I think is my greatest fear. I have sworn to protect her. The thought of breaking that oath, of failing her in her hour of need, that is what comes to me sometimes when I rest for just a short time.
To fight for someone, perhaps to die for them - you've made your choices, upheld a vow you have made - whatever the reason you go to wherever we go with some satisfaction, I guess, knowing you have done all you could. But to lose someone while the world is blacked out from you and they are alone - that would be the unkindest cut of all.