I may one day regret not keeping better track of the past months. Time has a way of multiplying, until one day tomorrow is everyday of the week and nothing that was meant has come to pass and everything that was avoided is all that is waiting.

Ah well... I may one day regret not keeping better track of the past months. But the truth is that I did not; for whatever my reasons, I would soon forget anyway. There are things to come to pass in one's lifetime that are expected - everyone lives and everyone dies and everything between tends to follow a certain pattern. There are ups and downs and everything between. Too many mundanes to name, too many mysteries to explain... and it seems there are but few certainties in life, yet even still there is always love, always hope. And even within broken promises there are pieces that aren't so bad, pieces that can be dusted off and put back together to make something different, something new, and if you are lucky something that stays together better the next time around - a better promise, perhaps. And memories worth keeping.

So here I am in Fleur's once more, journal across my lap and brewsky in my hand, as I try to put down into words these thoughts. I havent been able to make much sense to myself, let alone tried to talk to many others. There is one, however. There has always been the One. Fleur. Fleur, whom I have adored since first picking up a sword and charging into the fray with dreams of glory and honor. It was Fleur that guided me to finding my path with gently prodding questions of my dreams and fears. There has always been Fleur to turn to when I couldnt make sense of things, Fleur that asked the sensible questions, the ones that were so honest it hurt, the ones that needed to be asked - not always expecting them to be answered, just asked. I have always depended on her strength, her candor, her way of seeing straight through me. I have always admired her tenacity and even through her own trials - she has never shyed away from me or let me ever doubt there was room for me in her busy day. Its difficult to remember what life was like before the Twenty Two, before Fleur.

These past months have been difficult for her. I have never seen such loneliness or such sorrow. I told her I would see her smile again, and however fleeting the moments may have seemed, the Ethucan sun saw her smiling once more. I am well aware that you cannot truly escape your troubles by simply putting a distance between them, but it was so very nice to find a place where no one knew our names. For just awhile... just for a time... be completely lost, swallowed up by the crowds of strangers in strange clothes in the busy markets;or lay out in the cool grass, watching the clouds that didnt know they were being watched, to enjoy a leisurely meal; anything that was as far from responsible as one could get. And without the pressures of our every day, it was easy for me to turn to her, to lay down all these mantles and pressures and appearances and .. just.. be. In someways stepping through that Doorway was like stepping into a dream. Aware, but not awake.

But the return to reality was certain in its arrival with a reminder of responsibility and that there are other important things - like friends that need us, as much as we needed to get away. It was time to come home and there will be other times to escape again, when the world and all of its weight seem like too much, there will still be dreams waiting on the other side of the Doorway. Dreams of peace, where childrens laughter echoes more often than the criers call and nothing is more important than sweetrolls.

Maybe Ethucan could use another Royal Guard.