An ornate and gold-edged book, of which inside are secrets even she doesn't know or understand. But tucked all through it are leaflets of paper, as if she'd rather not write in the book its self. Except on the first empty page of the book is written in exquisite, flowing penmanship her full name. ~ Lavender Cecelia Morgan.
Wednesday, 05 August 2020
Who am I? I realize now why I struggle with my own decisions and the decisions of others. Because, I am either ALL IN, or I am ALL OUT. There can be no in between, I do not function well with in between. Which is why I find it hard to let people close, or let them go. Because once I decide I am all in then I am ALL IN for the long haul even if I struggle with figuring out relationships, I do the best I can. It is not like I have good examples to go by on how relationships work. My parents were never around to follow as an example, and those they employed kept their relationships out of sight of those of us they worked for, so I never knew what to expect, what was expected of me other then running a household, or even how to maintain more then a friendship.. this is something I am learning now, as I go. Not sure I will ever get it completely right, I've been hurt, and I've hurt others, all while learning from each. Hopefully one day what I do will be close enough to right that the one that loves me will overlook my flaws.
