An ornate and gold-edged book, of which inside are secrets even she doesn't know or understand. But tucked all through it are leaflets of paper, as if she'd rather not write in the book its self. Except on the first empty page of the book is written in exquisite, flowing penmanship her full name. ~ Lavender Cecelia Morgan.
Sunday, 18 September 2016
I tried to go out with a gentleman again... and it was a disaster, not because of anything he did but because I could not do it. Though it helped me as I have finally accepted that I am to be alone in this world, I have friends, I have family.. perhaps in time I will find love. But at this time, it is better to be alone then to give someone who does like me false hope of me ever truly loving them. Perhaps I am broken, perhaps because I was not raised being shown love, I do not know how to. I don't know, I grow tired of hurting people who want me to love them and finding that I can not. The one I did love I hurt worst of all. Though through all of this, I found acceptance and peace. Perhaps I can find the friendship again that he and I once had. For him to be happy is all I ever wanted truly but I have been blind for too long. Now that the storm in my soul is no longer raging, I hope I can be a better friend, a better person then I have been. I am truly at peace for the first time in my life, I suppose that is a good starting point to becoming the person I hope to be.
