Addiction.

I feel myself drowning in him, yet he gives me the breath to survive it. It is almost painful to be apart from him as if missing a part of myself in his absence. An arm perhaps, or a lung. We went for drinks this turn, a rare moment around others and out of the private world we have created for ourselves. It was strange to not be constantly in his arms as we visited...strange to guard my expressions of hunger and love. It was fun, though the conversation turned to bondings and I find that I am still a bitter woman...perhaps the anger has become such a part of me it will never fade completely. I do so love it, you know. It is my protection still - that wound I poke at occasionally to keep open and raw. My reminder against trust and of the pain that love can bring. Shadow is beyond it though, safely within my citadel and behind my wall. It is good to trust again - to feel as it did before with a man, to let the wound be for a while and let myself act freely.

In other ways, I get my revenge, tables always turn. But really, what did they expect with their cruel words and exclusions...that I'd stay sweet forever? That forgiveness would come from this monster they made with a quick apology? I think of the darkness they put me through when I was most vulnerable and it feels good to not be a bunny any longer. It feels good to watch them gain a glimmering of the hurt they visited upon me. It feels good to not cry in the darkness of their hatred...no, tables always turn...and revenge is sweetest cold.