There are storm clouds gathering.

There is evil at work in the land.

I hear of things that seemed real but were not real and I confess my mind is restless, uneasy. A trusted friend, a friend of good standing and with responsibilities in the land has told me what truly occurred, and I believe her. The note from another friend was just and right and did not seek to cause panic, but to make sure I sought the truth.

Yet I feel a strange ache grow in my fingertips. It creeps through my skin towards my veins and seeks to carry itself, coursing through my body, into my head and then to wrap around my heart.

That word…if….. is stamping it’s foot in the back of my mind, determined to be heard. The word…what…..seeks to join it. What if - the most dangerous question to ask.

And now even though I know it was not true - that it was evil and divisive and caused altercations and crossed words - the very work of one so evil I will not mention him here - I feel myself trembling. Please say it cannot be again - I have opened myself wide for a Dearest One to read as a book with pages that have not been read for many long years. They can read stories and my heart in a way none ever has. No - not ever. Not even in my dear past. But my pages are thin and fragile. Pages can be torn from books and cast against the winds to be lost and separated from their whole. I am so very frightened. I have known of late what it is to be truly happy and have started to relax. Is this the gods’ way of punishing me for my selfish indulgence in my own self? Their way of warning me that their path for me is to deal with pain and strife and to welcome it with tears and darkness in my soul? Truly I say that I could not bear that again. The clumsy love of youth, however sweet, is nothing to this consuming fire, this generous, open companionship I feel now. The gods know well the love I felt - and still do - I mourn him every day. It has taken me long to realise I should not be cursed or villified for being reborn from that tragedy.

I do not want to be alone Oh! My gods! I pray you will not take him from me now! If it is your will, then it is hard - I do not see how I can stay standing and serve you!

How I wish he were here to talk to. I know I must speak with him about this. And even of that I am afraid. Supposing I plant the very seed of doubt in him that I seek to shut out from my own mind? It matters not. I would share my soul with him - and that must be in its whole - not just the pieces that look best.

Fear - it is long since I felt it - truly felt it. I had forgotten how awful it is.