I am in a quandary and do not know what to do. It is very hard when you see someone slipping into a state unlike their usual demeanour. Very hard when they do not wish to discuss whatever it is that troubles them: harder still when your attempts are almost seen as unwelcome. They are not unwelcome - I do not think; it is just that when a person is so independent and so set on their duty to others at all costs; when they are so set on comforting those that are in the same situation without ever giving away their own feelings - well, it must seem almost unthinkable to show a chink in their ‘soul armour’, as I once heard it described. I had already seen them once since waking - I had put down their sombre expression and short answers as being because of patrol. I had thought they were going to say something at one point, but they excused themselves and were on their way. Then after a brief nap I woke to a message from someone else who noticed something.

I should not have gone there; I should have left well enough alone. When someone leaves the second you walk in it feels disquieting. I left Sorynn to sleep in Jensen’s good hands and kind ways and stood out in the snow a few minutes wondering what to do. Then knowing what they would do, indeed have done on so many occasions, I though I would try tracking them. Even if at the end the reaction was stony and cold, I would have tried. I still have Shirila raw in my mind, but despote this I still wanted to try. I thought I had got on quite well really. I was a little disorientated at a couple of places in the pass, but managed to get to Caernivale. I confess I would have been completely lost there if it were not for the ferryman - he had seen a passenger, described them and that led me to Kili.

To find their tracks on the beach was not so hard, but the labyrinth is something else. I wandered about stumbling on the occasional sign of them where the ash drift were disturbed but took too long and was not careful enough. I rounded a corner and my eyes were suddenly forced to close against a bright light and they were gone. I felt so despondent I moved through the tunnels barely registering the creatures attacking me. Eventually it was one too many and I found myself in Dundee.

I got no rest this night. All I see is a friend in need that I am unable, either by my own failings or their resistance, to help. Ironic - for were our roles reversed, I would have no peace until they knew I was well. I sent a message to my Lord asking that he cherish them. I know he does in any case, but short of saying I was worried I did not know what else to do.

Too precious is that bright light in all this darkness. I do not know how to keep it shining.