Comfort to be had in the dark. In the dark you cannot see or be seen. If you stay very still, nothing would even know you exist. If you do not exist then nothing can touch you. I suspect there is more than one person this day who would like not to exist, not to feel……others though who will not wish to fade to nothing - their work is too important, they are too important. So they must exist and feel and hurt. And I can do nothing to comfort any of them. They must carry on with their duties and uphold us as ever they have. I trust in them and believe in them and they will do it - but oh the silent tears that will be wept. If I stay here in the quiet and dark perhaps I can pretend all is as it was. When I come back to the light - and I will come back to the light - everyone will be as they were. Festival will come and people will sing and dance, drink and eat. I will remember yet another who would never leave me and now has. I was told once that you can only ever trust in yourself. That everyone else will always let you down in the end. I do not think I believe that - not yet. But those words seem to ring a lot truer than they did yesterday. Kings, friends, brothers, sisters…. where have you all gone? Even the gods have left my soul sometimes. Only one can I truly rely on, better than myself. I do not rely on myself at all. I long for them, yearn for them, need to cling to them. How I want them. But I cannot burden them with any more than they are asked to bear right now. However strong they are, however broad their shoulders, surely there must come a point when a body can take no more. All I can do is hope I am there if they need me. And hope I do not let them down as I must have done others for them to have done what they have done. I will spend the day killing. These words training, hunting, farming….. at the end it is all killing after all.