I have begun to count my heartbeats in quiet moments to try and gauge the time. Day and night do not exist here. The darkness and shadows are always the same regardless of Sunrifter’s beloved tracing of the skies above ground. Yet I have the gods with me even though they have abandoned this place and I have warmth and light within me even though they are not here. My senses grow sharper and sharper. I can perceive distant movement now long before it can be seen or heard. Sometimes it goes too far. My breathing at rest has grown shallow and quiet - minimal to survive. I have not done this consciously; it just seems to have happened. The body and mind can adapt incredibly quickly. Yet even this smallest of movement and slightest of sounds comes to my sleeping brain and lurches it into a wide awake terror thinking it is some other being making those sounds. If that happens then resting again does not come so quickly. Then it feels as though all those thoughts creep like an army into my head and crush all good thoughts and pure memories. So I fumble at my neck and put their ring upon my finger and remember that new life grows from tiny berries. I slip my hand inside my pack to grasp the gem that lies safe within it and remember that I am one of two. While they breathe, I breathe. While they have faith, I have faith. While they live, I live. While they love, I love. And there is the hope that lets me close my eyes again.

“Warmth caressing my face wakes me and just for a moment I keep my eyes closed tight shut. I smile and savour it. I can sense warm golden colour through my closed eyes. My fingers begin to lose their cold stiffness and the warmth of another’s hand seeps into mine as it folds about them. I feel light: As though I might just float away right now. An arm slipped around my back and a hand resting gently at the curve of my waist keeps me here on this plain though. I feel alive. I open my eyes to see the skirts of my dress - blue as my eyes. The colour is reflected in their battle gear. Both our heads are uncovered and, just for once, we can see each other just as we are. Gentle eyes look to mine and a soft mouth smiles as mine. One of my hands slips to mirror theirs and rests at their waste on their cold armour. The other sits within their own as our arms extend. We move and turn round and about to unheard songs. My hair is loose and whirls about me. We dance across the meadow in silent reverie into a warm, glowing dawn….”

It felt awful, actually, to open my eyes back into the cold damp gloom. I suppose it is nearly that time again. That time when singing and dancing and stories and laughter will be the order of things. How sad it makes me in a way. For at the last festival Richard was quite the hunter in green. How he teased the ‘Little Crier’. And after all that time and effort he never did teach me. The gods did not will us the time. I still have the boots. The dress became bindings after…. Well. No matter. No elegant lady I - not now - for dancing. Richard would have tried but I would not have made them a worthy partner I am sure - though sometimes I admit to myself, just for a fleeting moment, how wonderful it would feel to be just a woman dancing with a man. These things seem so far away….. yet it was only awful for a moment. The dream was so strong I felt them there - really felt them there and danced with them safe in their arms - though it has never happened in reality of course. They dance a dance of survival and battle. I cannot dance that with them - I am not strong enough. I imagine Richard chuckling to himself as he watches us. Ah Richard…. Perhaps the festival will mark your return. I can only pray for that.

I hope everyone enjoys it - let the Dark One not cast gloom and a cloud over it. Let old friends come back to us. Let those who carry such burdens through the year feel them sit lighter…. Just for a little while. And maybe, just maybe, if you will it dear goddesses, let our eyes fall to each others in some place or other and share a cup. Share our thoughts and maybe, just maybe, even dance.

Now I feel warm as though a cosy fire were lit here…