Love...what is love? Love is rare, oh so rare. People think they love, but they don't. What they think is love turns out to be a childish infatuation, and when they make that decision to forever spend their lives with their 'loved ones', they realise that they've made a mistake, and find a new loved one in a matter of seconds. Only then, do they realise, that they are merely repeating the process over and over again. I find it hard to believe that these people will ever find the ones they truly love, but I know that every person finds that one true love in their lives, whether it's when they're old and withered or young and blossoming, it's up to them.

There are so many exceptional people as well - people I know love each other so dearly that they would do anything. I can name a few people, but they escape me at the moment. All I know is that I haven't been one of them. The closest to love I might have felt was maybe for Trip, and he will always be special, since he was the very first. But even then, it was probably just an obsession. Excitement that I had finally found someone who was interested in me. I'm not even sure now if I was interested in him as well. See? It's not love - I'm calling it interest. There's a huge difference.

And then after that, came Skyls - he is a kind man, very dear to me, and he was a very dear friend. But he is also a man of honour, and to think that I had the nerve to confess to him how much I liked him, is disgraceful. Ever since then, our friendship hasn't been the same. We used to be so close, but I feel there's a wall separating us now. A wall that was made because I was a fool. A complete and utter fool.

And now to Sylkie, what I felt was affection, not love. To know that I very nearly made the mistake I was scoffing at when I started writing this, to know that I very nearly bonded him and committed something that I couldn't undo, still kills me. What I felt was affection for him, pity sparked by Aly when she told me he was used to being told that he was just a friend, and a desperate need for someone to hold me when I was down. But then I realised that I had never even worried or wondered about him once when I was away from Valorn - sure, maybe thought about him, but never with that sense of tenderness that comes with love. And then I realised that I could never ever share with him the sorrow and pain I felt, all the suffering I had been through, all the tears I wished to cry. I realised I couldn't share all this with him, and I knew that he would never be my true love.

And all through that, was Herosci. He does not love me. I state it for him - he does not love me. He thinks he does, but he does not. If he did love me, he would leave me alone and not keep coming back to try and persuade me into taking him. I would never ever take him - not even out of pity. I shall say it here and now, that I hate him with every single bit of my heart. It's black hate - I will never like him, not even enough to be friends with him. Even when my days of adventuring were young, I was always irritated by him, and that irritation slowly grew to dislike, which slowly grew to hate. So I can never love him - never.

But what I feel right now, is something I have never felt before. With this feeling I feel a sorrow and a will to cry, but I also feel the need to cling onto it, because it's what is keeping me sane. Surrounded by the beauty of Iscax helped me realise my true feelings, but I don't want to admit them. The only person I admitted them to was Skye, and she told me to just be myself and do what comes naturally. She said that Seph was a good man - 'for all his horrid past' - and I felt that feeling I had felt when I had seen that 'good man' with Esme. That - yes I admit it now - jealousy. I was jealous that Seph had told Skye of his past, was so narrow-minded that I thought it had only been me who had known about his past. That I was special. But no, I'm not - to Seph, I'm just a friend. A person he can trust. And though I may love him till my death, he will not love me - I am sure of it. But while I'm alive, I know I can love no other but Seph, and even if he withers and fades before me, I will love him past death. But I promise myself here and now, that I will never ever confess my love to Seph. Not unless I know that he feels the same way - I don't want to ruin this friendship that has helped me live through these days, knowing that there will be someone to lean on when I'm down.

And I have to thank him, for helping me realise all this.