I miss him, he woke for mayhap a marc and was gone again..well, not even that I think. Ahh well, he will be back no doubt, and I intend to steal him away when he does, I have plans for him.

Everyone seems to be a little lost lately, struggling to get somewhere, find something..I dont know, but not quite reaching it..I hate not being able to help, having nothing but words to give..words that sound so empty ringing in my own ears.

I spent time talking to Gareth. It is time I put pen to paper and wrote down the truth of it I think, all this time and never once have I properly explained how much he means to me, what he is in my life.

I have known him almost all of my time here, but for so long I never even..saw him I suppose. He was just a friend, some guy I knew that I spent a few marcs now and then just joking with. The first time we even touched on feelings I was ..I knew, but I didnt know. I guess that makes no sense, but..it does to me. I denied anything but attraction to him. He was fun and friendly and sure..I mean, why wouldnt I be attracted to him, but that was it. Mayhap, when I think on it..that is what it was, just attraction, but then he kind of seeped beneath the surface, and the more time we spent just enjoying life, the more I saw him, clearly, for what he was. I fell in love. It took me a very long time to admit to that, to realise it even. There was a day, in a cave..a long time ago now, when he told me how he felt..I denied it even then, to his face.

After that well, lets just say we have been in love what seems an age now, it has not changed, only ebbed and flowed. We have been through so much, but never quite got it right..I guess we never will now. We held on for so long, take chances now and again only for me to crumble them to the floor in the next breath. I have hurt that one man more than any other person in this place and yet still he is by my side and I by his..just, not as lovers. He was right the other day...2 out of three aint bad. The word sorry is so overused, so I will not even utter it.

I love him still, I always will, always have.