It's been an awful day, I have no idea why I have just irritated or upset everyone today. This stupid thing about harvester is still grating at me, and nothing I have done seems to have made me fit. Im watching from the outside and the more I try to get in the further away I am driven.

I dont expect everyone to like me, hell, I dont expect anyone to like me...I am not the nicest of people around and most days it wouldnt bother me in the slightest that someone chose to publicly show their disapproval. Today however, I just did not have he energy to deflect it. It's childish and foolish..and when we have to at least tolerate each other there is just no need of it.

I considered just removing myself from the situation entirely. I dont want discord and I dont want to be made to feel..outcast, but the mere suggestion went down like a sack of bricks and I just dont have any fight left in me anymore.

I have been labelled thousands of things in my time..some true, some ridiculous and some just outright hurtful. Somedays I want to sink to the bottom of the pool and just not re-emerge. In the end, I guess it just doesnt matter what I think or say, life isnt all about Celestia.

In the end, it's just a case of you win, I lose...I give in, I give up..whatever you want is fine by me.

What I wouldnt give to have someone listen now, just listen and hold me. What I wouldnt give to just have someone who supports me. There I go again..wishes and dreams..loosely translated as lies and fairytales..

Yeah..sinking sounds great