I found it, I found me....and it is so nice to be back there. I did absolutely no good for Amzer, in fact I think I possibly just made it worse, but...I wanted to share with him my new found ..urge for life. To actually Live instead of watching it flitter by. I showed him simple things but, he did not seem to grasp the concept and I was unable to explain it to any degree. Perhaps one day I will hear him laugh again. It can happen.

Questions, asked, unasked..answered and avoided. It is my own fault in reality, I dodge as many things and ask direct questions, I know now how I make people feel sometimes. It can be very frustrating. I am feeling somewhat guilty about it now.

Each moment as it passes, thats all I can do. If I concentrate on that, I know I will not stray too far back into my self induced misery. It's a waste, a waste of my life. I dont want to go back there. I know I will, it's in my nature I guess, but while I have the wit and the will to stay free, I am going to give it my best shot.