When we lose people, especially when it's sudden and unexpected, when they are seemingly ripped from our lives..the gaping maw the lack of their presense leaves behind is all encompassing. It consumes your thoughts, your feelings, your entire essense. It is so hard to see through the veil of loss. Shock and disbelief is the first...the worst days are when the tears are there, but they just wont come. They rest behind your eyes, stinging your soul but...unable to release. There is nowhere to hide from loss, no way to pass it along, no way to share it.

It lessens only with the passage of time, or perhaps...perhaps it is just pushed to the side so that we may concentrate upon the things ahead....but, there is always that ache...that ache deep in the pit of your stomach whenever a smell, or a sound...or a place..a memory springs forth, with that memory always a smile and a small tingle of warmth, tempered by the slow throb of regret and longing. To have back but a moment, to experience but one more minute...to see a smile, to hear a laugh, to touch a cheek. One moment to express all the emotion loss has granted you.

Grief, is perhaps one of lifes most destructive emotions. It's the raging torrent tearing through your life. It pulls up all your carefully laid roots, every tentative hold on everything you thought was right. Eventually...after it has battered and bruised you beyond compare, thrown your life into the deepest pit, past the point of despair and into the shallows of sorrow....it slows, as it slows your cuts fade to scars..the scars fade to just that small dull ache, when the world is quiet and your mind is awake and alive to how things used to be.

A certainty in life is that we will all lose someone, it's hell...but where we have the capacity for great love, and great affection for our friends and family, we open ourselves to the inevitability of their eventual loss.

I have lost people in my life. It is always like you are losing a small part of what it is to be yourself. When someone leaves we are always reminded of the others, but the tracks of my tears nor the anguish of my soul will do anything to call back that which I have lost along the way.

When it's quiet, and my mind returns to a time when I could see the smile upon a face. When I am least expecting it and suddenly, the sweet sound of their voice fills my ears....as a time long past retuns to swim about my conscious, I close my eyes, hum a tune softly to myself and I immerse myself in the memory...thats when they see us clearly.
Thats when I can feel they have not left me.

Wish you were here