I am trying, as much as I can I am trying...I have to..I know that now, it's not about me..I have to, I must pick myself up, there are others things to think of and be doing. This book is like an addiction...it helps none at ll but I need it...I need the release of whats inside..the questions..I have no answers for them when they come. When people read and want to know..what can I say?...If I could say it out there then I would not need to hide it in here.

I dont even think about what I am writing...it just flows from my mind and directs my hands and fingers..it's why this often seems like..rambling ..much like now.

tomorrow I will face the questions of today
How prudent that was...to each and every day. Tomorrow, I will face the questions I wrought today...and I will still be powerless to answer them, for I myself do not know. It's why these pages will never truly be all that I want them to be. I cannot face the questions that would come..the price I would pay for it.

I promised him if I needed to hide...I would hide with him....I know, in my heart that I wont be able to hold up to that..sometimes I will and sometimes I will seek the silence that one only finds in solitude. Silence from the world so I can hear my own myriad of thoughts eddying around my mind and try ..try as I might to make some sense of......something.

I let the mask drop, just a little...and nobody wanted to see what was behind it...a lesson learned