You know what? It is gonna be alright...yes I love him to my core, yes it's killing me to see him and not touch him, not show him my love.....yes every time he's near me I feel lost, like Im falling, I wonder if I can feel anything but loss and regret. Im torn between crying and laughing, torn between teasing and joking and retreating and running...but, it will be okay. I can still have fun, I can still breathe, Im alive, I can smile. I will be whatever he needs

I have.....miraculously...I have the greatest gift of all, and while I am still able to accomplish it everything will be okay. While I can make even one person smile, a true smile...when I can make one person feel better for even the briefest of moments..then I can smile myself and know I will survive it. It may take a long time, I may hurt, rage, grieve, cry myself to sleep...but in the end...it'll be okay. I'll pick myself up and move on. I forget that sometimes....and I need to remind myself....everytime I make someone smile I heal a little...I see ...a future

I dont know how or what I do to deserve it, or why they stick with me...but I have the most unbelievably patient, understanding, loyal, warm, generous, compassionate friends...Im so grateful that they accept me for who I am, and stick with me even though it's constant drama...I love them, they are my core, they are what keeps me just on the edge of sanity, while making me just crazy enough to cope

Amzer brought me crashing down to earth from my indignant high horse.....I felt ashamed at my anger, at my audacity to even have anger....I took a long look at my behaviour and realised I had no right.....people hurt, they do things because they are hurt, lonely, confused....I am partially the cause of that...it's not frustration I should feel but compassion, empathy...he made me look, and I found it. My shame found it. Where I saw spite, he saw pain...he is a better person than I..a much better person than I...and he helped me see what was clear, but what I had clouded with my own self pity...I thank him for that. Everyday I am humbled as I realise there is something I need to learn from each person I meet, each person I know.....

I will never stop learning, never stop screwing up, making mistakes.....but all I can do is try to be the person I wish to...to keep striving towards it and to have the people I know and love guide me and steer me when I venture from it..I'll never be one of lifes truly good people..My selfishness assures that...but I can try....just try to be the best I can be