Well, I guess some people move on a whole lot quicker than others...I cut myself up for weeks, and will for some time yet...but it doesnt mark others in the same way...thats the differences in life....I need time to be just me. I know I am hurting others while I do it..but I have no choice


Abra made me realise a few things about myself yesterday....it doesnt matter how much I fight it...I can only be me, I can only make the mistakes I make and be the person I am. I cannot be persecuted for other peoples feelings, I'm not in control of them...hiding will never solve anything, running will never solve anything. I just have to carry on, fumble through each day and hope it will be okay.

Abra, thank you

It's a new day, a new time...I've kept only a few things from before..Shorna, I miss her so much, she lightens my life and would have hit me and told me to shape up..thats what I'll do

So I wear her ring, nestled where it will remind me..Dont go nuts again, I left once....Not again no matter how bad things get..

A pair of MK's, from a person I know will always be with me.. even if it's sporadically, and somtimes I dont feel his presence...he's there...so I wear them..perhaps I can regain the person I was

The garnet ring I do not think I will ever part with, I carry it still..foolish of me, but not something I can change...so it sits in my pack, and will for time to come. Moving on is something that happens slowly...perhaps when I am able to place it in the bank

There is only one thing I can be..Cel, just Cel...nothing more and nothing less...it's time I was it.
I screwed up..it's a fact..Im not hiding, Im not wallowing and Im holding my head HIGH..I'll screw up again...it's a fact..I can only be honest with everyone, and let them decide whether they can take a risk on my friendship

I gave my honesty

I am not responsible for others actions..and I will no longer blame myself for such

I'm on the outside and I'm looking in
I can see through you, see your true colours
Inside you're ugly, you're ugly like me
And I can see through you, see to the real you

All the times, that I cried
All thats wasted, its all inside
and I feel all this pain
stomped it down, it's back again
and I lie, here in bed
all alone, I cant mend
But I feel tomorrow will be ok


Boran, I know how you felt...yesterday was a hard day, another lost..and I mourn for you and all the others