I like to think myself the master of avoiding all things difficult. I vanquish them with comedic puns, shroud them with fluffy words, or circumvent them with misdirection and equivocation. It seems to be my default reaction any time something catches me off guard. Make a joke, ease the tension. Change the subject and breeze right past it. Say as much as you can without actually saying anything at all. I'd like to say practically living in the spider caves has taken what little of my sanity was left to me, but I think I have been this way for a long time. Never say anything you can't brush off Cel, never say anything you can't take back.

I wasn't always like this, not always.

There was a time, long ago, when I was less jaded. When I was open and free, with my heart on my sleeve and no fluffy words to confuse and confound. No speeches to cushion things, nothing reused or regurgitated, no holding back. There was a time little book, in a dark cave in an awful place, where someone saw right through me. Where they tore into my very essence and picked apart all of the worst of my flaws. They showed them to me, one by one, flayed me with the awful reality of my darkest secrets until I was raw and beaten. Then they loved me anyway and still it was not enough.

It was the last time I can remember being fully and completely honest, nothing in reserve, nothing held back. Trapped in a corner with no shadows left to hide in. Between the scars I have been given and the ones I have created, avoiding the difficult things has become the safety net, lest I become nothing but wasted tissue.

And do these blue guardians actually drop any blue crystals at all?! Seriously, I am starting to think if I find one I will be so shocked I'll spend a marc on my knees mumbling my thanks and forget to pick it up!