I had forgotten how that felt. I thought it was as fresh in my mind as ever, but if nothing else I am ever surprised by my capacity for idiocy. I feel like I am repeating myself. Am I repeating myself? I am, I think. Nevertheless if nowhere else I am allowed that here. I am just going to hit things. Hit them and hit them and hit them until I find that thing that I wish for. And then, little book, then I will not remember how that felt.