I wrote here of dances with my beloved each evening when we parted ways. Last night, we danced again; it felt like coming home. It is little things like that my heart craves so, just simple things that makes my heart sing.

I am beginning to lose my fear of demons, yet I cannot bring myself to go near Milltown just yet. Now I have five demons to my name, with a demon spear, a demon power bracelet, a demon scalp, my very first invasion ingot, and a demon heart; this last one got danced into the ground, for it was a demon that threatened my beloved's life. To lose him again in such a way... no, I'll not have it!!! For a few minutes, I became lost in the battle fury, which had never EVER happened to me before. Is that, perhaps, why my uncle Arotres called me "Fireball"? Will I ever really know? He is not here to ask, even in spirit... ah, how I miss him so! My beloved explained to me what happened, and was able to bring me back from the brink of a berserker fury. Jarasel, I love you so, and my heart aches when you are not in the lands....

*the words here are written as if with a trembling hand....*

I'm not sure what has happened... I was hunting, and was thrown down by a land urchin... for a moment, it seemed as if Dar Bludhaven and my sister-in-law, Katarina Sweets, were there... I thought they went for help... when I woke up again, they were gone, and I heard papa James' footsteps nearby. He healed the back of my head as best he could on the site, and then carried me to Nyril's, where further healing was done. Then we went to rest in the Blessed guild hall, where he could reach me more easily if he wished.

Now, I look back over some of these words here, and they seem so very strange. As if they were written in another lifetime, by another bearing my name. But, they are in my hand. It seems perhaps best that some memories are not resurrected. I am quite happy now, and looking forward to healing, and being with Jarasel once more. He is as I knew him when we met. Laughter, poem, tears, quiet shared moments together... all of the things I know about him and love so dearly.

For now, I must rest, and recover. Ah, Jarasel... that you stayed the night with me, it brings me great comfort and joy... thank you, thank you so much for loving me... for even cheating death for my sake....

I have begun to see hints of the man I love in Jarasel once again. His spirit seems to be returning more fully each time we speak. I can only guess what returning from the other side can do to one, and pray to never find out.

Bit by bit, his spirit returns more fully. I am beginning to see the warmth that was there before. His main worry is regaining the levels he lost in the process of crossing over and returning, and gaining his profession once more. He will be a warrior again, and I am proud--oh, so very proud!

My worries are beginning to ease. I can only hope to find others who have undergone the same transition as Jarasel has, and talk to them, get an idea of what to expect, of what I can do to help my beloved return more and more fully.

Jarasel... since your return, you've not been the same man I've known... where is the life in you? Where is the poetry, the laughter, the words of love we shared? Or the goodnight dances each time we had to part ways, at our bonding-place? Come back to me, love, in spirit as well as form! To where has your soul flown?

Confronting Fear....

It began as a simple enough thing--a chance encounter with the Iron Knight known as Cordelia, while searching for the elusive Haggie. I had heard tell of her kindness, but saw it for myself when she feared she had chided me for not granting others present the same honor as her. It did indeed sound as if she had, but I know 'tis not the spirit in which it was meant. Correction is good sometimes, no harm was done. It was not so much her presence, however, as the mention of Islander's name that stopped me in my tracks. For you see, he mentored my beloved Jarasel once before, and I pray he might be willing to do so again when the time comes. He has proven a good friend as well, if he will allow me the honor of according such a title.

The crier called out across the lands, telling of danger in Caernivale... DEMONS! I felt the blood drain from my face as I heard the dreaded word, for I had lost Jarasel in just such an attack not a few days before. Yet, I gripped my shield all the tighter, and took up my staff; how could I possibly allow another to undergo the same suffering as I had for the past days? No, it would be a fate another would not share, not in this lifetime if I could help it! One handful of the powder in my bag, and it was off to Caernivale to do battle!

No demons were present at the cannon, nor one step south. But another step south, and there it was--a Demon Officer! So very much like the one that slew my Jarasel... all at once, I was transported in my mind back to Milltown, and I could envision Jarasel in front of me, taking once again the mortal wound that cost him his life. For a moment, I froze, held fast by the vision as with chains of adamantine. Then anger welled within me, rage at what had been, and rage at my own cowardice--and overriding all, my love for Jarasel. NO!!! I would NOT let this happen again!!! It was with almost a berserker fury that I lay into that demon with my staff of lightning, setting free bolts of fury to sear it, and hit it over and over again until it lay dead at my feet.

The scalp of the beast fell free, and I picked it up. At least in part, my beloved Jarasel was avenged. It will take many more demon kills such as that before my heart can rest easy on the matter, but one kill is better than none.

Cordelia spoke to us each in turn afterwards, and she did her best to reassure me that my fears were unfounded. She then gave each of us some potions, saying she would not need need them for her journey to the stronghold of the Iron Knights. I did not realize the properties of her weapon at the time, so I gave the potions back and then some, fearing for her safety. But had I offended her? For a moment, it seemed so, as she said she trusted in her own abilities to get her to her destination safely. My heart sank at the thought of insulting the abilities of one so noble and kind, and made clear my intentions in returning the potions. But, she did indeed understand, and gave back the potions I had given to her. Alfin Slowhand passed an equal amount of potions to me; I've not seen such generosity and kindness for some time! So the day did end as well as could be, and a little bit of fear conquered--one less foothold for Balthazar.

Ah, Jarasel, my beloved Jarasel... it is truly him, it is truly my heart and shield! Words cannot express the joy his return brings to me, yet I must try, for in his own words....

"Beautiful songbird, lend me thy song;
Sing in the morning, and all day long...."

For his sake, then, I will try to sing my song once more. A song of miracles, perhaps... I had thought such to not exist, yet one looks me right in the eyes and calls me "heart 'o mine".

************************
Miracles
************************

Miracles can truly be
If one opens one's heart to see
Love so constant, love so true
Such is what I have for you
Joy so sweet, my heart now light
Stay with me love, as is good and right
Lest thou ask it, I'll not walk away
My love, we are here to stay!

I awoke to a strange message--that Jarasel had returned. Could this truly be him? Could my heart and shield truly be back in the lands? Beloved Jarasel, if it is you, please, answer my call!

How it all began....

I have done a dear friend a great disservice in not telling our story, for he was much of my life here before Jarasel. So now it is that I put pen to parchment, to tell a tale I did not think to have the strength to.

Percles Nomalar... what can be said? A fleeting moment, a chance meeting, turned into five summers of a deep love. I lived for the times he could be in the lands, and slept much of the time when he was not.

Those times became fewer and fewer as the months wore on. My father spoke with him sometimes, and I would not complain, but ask messages to be sent telling him of how I missed him so. But the absences became too much to bear. My heart needed not just the love I know he had for me, but constancy as well, in the sense that I needed someone who could be there when I needed them the most.

I speak no ill of Percles, on the contrary--from a love past has come a dear friendship. And aye, my heart sometimes does ache for those times we had, but my choice was made. My only regret is the pain I caused in leaving him for Jarasel. And I truly do pray he finds happiness with Demelza. She was a guild sister once upon a time, and I know her for a good and kind person. I know that if anybody can keep safe my friend's heart, it is her.

I had longed to bond with him, and brought it up perhaps twice in our relationship. The day I met Jarasel, I was beside myself with worry that perhaps Percles and I were not to be, and I did not think to stop the bleeding from a wound dealt by a Zombie Archaeologist on the Excavated Road. When I expressed what was wrong to Jarasel, I did not expect him to tell Percles, and had rather hoped he might keep it to himself. But, such did not happen.

Percles spoke to me a short time later, and it was said that we should bond as soon as possible. On one hand, I was elated. But on the other--I was disturbed. It did not seem his heart was in it. So aye, I did indeed question whether his love was true. I see now that it was, but that has shifted to friendship now. The Gods have been good to him, and I rejoice in his happiness, even as I mourn Jarasel.

Aye, when the change came, it came swiftly; too long had I been left waiting and wondering and wishing and hoping and praying for Percles to be in the lands. I could endure no more, as much as I cared for him.

It was a few days later before Percles and I spoke again. It was hard to tell him of my feelings for Jarasel, but he deserved the respect of honesty. Aye, we might have gone on, he and I, but it would not have worked, not without both our whole hearts in it. He deserved better, and I am glad he has found it. An honest, true love, with someone kind and caring.

I pray to someday find a love like Percles and Jarasel again. Each had their good qualities, perhaps someday I will find someone with the best of both. For now, I must heal.

Day One--for such it is, without my beloved Jarasel. I do not know how others can go on under a weight such as this. I long to join my love, but for my kin, I must stay. They must be my reason to live. Jarasel, please forgive my weakness, I pray someday soon we might be together again. My only comfort is that you passed from these lands with dignity and honor, and that you did not suffer for long. Perhaps someday, somewhere, somehow, your spirit will read these words, and know I mourn for you always, and will never forget you.

Shield of Light

Shards on the ground
Never again to be found
Now I find my way
Back to the light of day
Turns and twists in a corridor
Closing off paths travelled long before
Blazing new trails in the land
With my true love, hand in hand
My shield, my heart
May we ne'er be apart
My strength, my sword
This be my sworn word
Thou hast asked me of my will
I would fain be with thee still
Ah, my beloved Jarasel
Forever shall I love thee well!

In memory of my uncle Arotres....

Fireball
********

Burning bright
Though few see
Fireball
Is what he called me
My uncle is now
Gone away
I'll mourn him e'er
Through my nights and days

All Grown Now
*************

Twelve summers old
Was it that long ago?
All grown now...
Where did time go?
As a river flows
One way--it cannot return now
So many twists and turns
So many fires within have burned
Where, now, do I go?
I must take flight,
Not fearing dark 'o night
Whiche'er way the wind blows....

This time, as much as I dearly love Jarasel, I would write of my family. In his poem to me, he said, "Sing of thy homeland, sing of thy nest...." Well, I might not remember much of my homeland before Valorn, but I could sing of my "nest", my family.

My mother, Shalandra--also called the Wanderer--was around much when I was younger, from the time I was adopted until a few summers ago. Her kindness and compassion are near-legendary, and I am forever grateful for her guidance. She is not about the lands as much as she used to be, and I do miss her so. She was my rock during those early times, before I knew of Father.

Ah yes, my father--Razzor. Strong and steady, with ready humor and a rapier wit. Also kind, compassionate, and understanding. He can usually get me to talk about my problems despite myself, and few have ever been able to get me to speak my own will instead of shying away and hiding. He is one. Jarasel is the other.

Mother has spoken some of her parents--my grandparents--in a land far away from here. I know little of them, save that they are alive and well. Father has not spoken of kin on his side, save for Arotres. Perhaps I'll have to ask if there are others. He is often off training, though, so there has not been much time to talk of family matters.

Arotres--what can I say about him? Humorous, witty... aloof, and yet caring in his own, rogueish way. If any can lighten one's day, it is him. I've not seen as much of him as Mother or Father, however.

Those are my kin, that I have known since my time in Valorn. I am yet learning of my newfound kin, those on papa James' side. There is the song of my "nest", such as it is.

This is a poem from my beloved Jarasel; each time I read it, I wonder at the miracle that he is, and thank all the Gods for sending him into my life!

******************


Beautiful songbird, lend me thy song;
Sing in the morning, and all day long.
Brighten my world with thy prescence so fair;
Take all my worries, shed all my cares.
Sing of thy homeland, sing of thy nest;
Throughout all Valorn, thy songs are best.
Sing me a new song, of love on this day;
For soon we'll be bonded, forever to stay.
Thy voice is precious, more precious than jewels;
If others agree not, why then, they are fools!

Bonding Day

The day dawned clear and bright, yet still I found myself well away from the place of our bonding. Minutes to go, yet my vows still unwritten. How could I have allowed myself to slumber so?! Annoyed with myself, I put on my blue bonding dress, my robe, boots, and the necklace Jarasel gave me and made my way to the Milltown life monument.

Messenger birds brought disturbing news--there was only my father, Razzor, Jarasel, and papa James present. Where were all those that had been invited the days before and given their assent to be there? I suppose matters on that other plane all must visit must have kept them away. A few intrepid souls did still grace us with their presence. Raffe... Topaz... Viktor... Hojo Musachi... Luna... Alovera... Ehlo... Polgara... some I knew better than others, for I actually speak to very few in my travels. Yet all were there, though finding guests who had forgotten was like trying to herd plains cats!

The appointed marc arrived. But my bonded-to-be did not. Another marc went by, then half a marc again. By now, I was in a full-blown panic. Always had he kept his promise to be there, had something gone amiss? Finally, papa james got word to me that aye, he was there, and could we begin? Another marc herding plains cats--pardon, guests--and the ceremony commenced.

How my hands trembled so as Jarasel took them in his own! How the rest of the world seemed to fade away, but for us two! The blue of his tunic was just the shade of a Blue Crystal Guardian, and ah, the smile on his face as papa James began to speak to us....

"Love is like a tree, it starts out from a tiny seed and when nourished properly grows into a strong healthy tree...." How wise papa James is! "Nourish each other, grow and learn from each other. be there for each other and freely show your love for each other...." How could we not? My soul thirsted for him even as we stood there hand-in-hand.

So soon, I was gently nudged out of my reverie. "Do you Rosalee wish to say anything to Jarasel?"

I had no parchment, no words prepared. Yet, I thought to myself, 'tis better this way. My throat was as dry as the sands under our feet, yet coughed, and began....

"Try though I might, I could not set pen to parchment last eve. For once, words failed; there are no words, Jarasel, to tell of my love for you."

I reached down to pick up a handful of sand. "As these grains of sand in my hand, so was I when you found me. Dry and lifeless." As I searched for inspiration, lo! A single desert flower bloomed very near to where we stood. "As that flower, so am I now. Because of you. I pluck not the flower from its roots, for to do so for momentary beauty is to destroy its life. The life I have in you."

Tears of joy welled in my eyes, and was that a gleam of moisture I saw in Jarasel's as well? My face felt flushed, but I smiled and continued. "that is the song I sing on this day. That we may be ever as this flower, blooming and growing in each other, in our love... and 'tis one bloom that will never fade."

"Do you Jarasel wish to say anything to Rosalee?"

Was that nervousness I saw in the great warrior's face, the one who had won my heart? No, it must have been a trick of the light....

"Aye, that I do. Many words have we exchanged, heart o' mine...words of love and tenderness. Oft have I sought to put these feelings into words, to describe in some small measure the depth of my love for thee." Ah, the warmth of his smile.... "Yet though some say I have a talent for words, what words can describe thy loveliness, or how thou hast gladdened my heart?"

He straightened himself, looking as proud as a lion. "This much, though, I can do." With one swift motion, he unsheathed his blade and plunged it deep into the sands between us. "Earth, air, fire, and water, hear my words. I vow this day to bond myself to my one true love, Rosalee Sparrow, sweetest songbird in all the realm. My love for her shall be her shield, and my might her sword. If ever she be in need of anything my life can offer, it shall be given, up to the last drop of my blood. These things I do vow this day....by the earth beneath my feet, by the breath within my lungs, by the fire in my heart, and the blood within me. If ever I should fail in this vow, may all these things desert me!"

I could barely hear anything else for several moments, for the song in my heart. All I could hear over and over were the words he had spoken to me. His love, my shield... his might, my sword... sweet Gods above, how did I come to be so blessed? Thank You! Thank You so very much!

I could barely feel us exchange our tokens, as papa James spoke again. "Bonding takes two people and makes them one. one heart, one mind, one soul, one will. Do you rosalee take Jarasel as your husband, through sickness, health, richer and poorer til death and beyond?"

The words did not register in my mind for a moment. I was still flying among the clouds. Then, a faint whisper... "Care to answer?"

"Aye, I do." So simple, yet how else could I tell of how I love Jarasel?

"Do you Jarasel take Rosalee as your wife,through sickness,health, richer and poorer til death and beyond?"

A sudden commotion, and a strange young woman comes blundering through. Poor thing, she was but seeking blessings, yet her timing was truly abominable! Somehow, despite myself, I smiled to her and motioned for her to stay a moment, though inwardly I seethed with frustration.

Blessings given, things seemed to quiet down for a moment. Jarasel's voice brought me back to the reality I had come to know so well and never wished to leave behind. Ah, that smile again; how can I say what heavens seeing that smile transports me to? "Aye, forever and always!"

A brilliant light burst forth from our rings, yet even that paled in comparison to the light shining in my heart. "By the powers of the great gods I pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss."

Zombies had plagued us through the entire ceremony, but that mattered little enough to me. They were always swiftly dispatched and really caused no trouble. My love had different ideas, as he whispered to Viktor, "Cursed poor timing, these zombies...."

As we kissed, our hearts were truly one, even more so in that moment than any we'd shared before. Thank you, Gods, thank you, for my Jarasel!

These are but scribblings, yet I write them here so that any who would take a moment to read might know who my inspiration is--Jarasel Bladesong.


A Moment
********

A moment so brief
A moment to keep
So close against the night's chill
You warm my heart
Right from the start
Without you near, my soul does weep
My heart is thine
For now, and all time
May we be forever together, never apart



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
**For thee, my heart, the day before our bonding**
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


One More Day
************

One more long day to go
Until our eternity
How can I hold on, when I know
Our love is meant to be?
If I thought I could bond thee tomorrow
I would without a second thought
Because of thee, I know no more sorrow
Always joy, of grief--naught.

I am not sure who will read of my tales and take note, as simple and humble as they are. To me, they are just part of what made me what I am.

My beginnings here were humble. I was bound for the slave market, at twelve summers old, in a land far from here. Whether or not I had any siblings before these lands, I do not remember. I remember mother and father were also captured, and very ill. They did not see but a few more sunrises. Mists swirl about my memories here, and I remember waking near a strange sort of monument, with a ragged tunic on my back, a shield and sword in hand, and the irons about my wrists gone. They left their mark, however, and I kept my wrists covered and hidden for a while, so none would have to feel pity.

One did notice, however, and gave much of her energy to take those scars away. It was the one I would someday soon call "mother"... Shalandra, also called the Wanderer. Over time, we spoke more and more, and I began to pray every day to see her again. I did not know what the ache in my heart was, but I knew when she asked if she might adopt me. I missed family.

At that time, I thought to be a cleric, and follow in her footsteps. This was to change some time later, but that is another story, hinted at in "The Enchanter's Path". I will expand on it shortly.

Mother and I had a picnic a little while later to celebrate my adoption, on the hill with the roses. It was bewildering, meeting so many of her friends. I admit to being both excited and happy and yet frightened at the same time. Yet my question remained--will I get to meet my father soon?

It was not long before she called me down to the ferry. I ran there with a bouquet of roses, both red and white, not knowing which sort father would prefer. I must have looked a sight to Yunah, standing there so frightened and with such a large bouquet. I was nervous, but more excited and happy that time. Finally, I would know the rest of my new family! I didn't know what to expect. All I knew was what mother told me, that my father's name was Razzor, and he was a great enchanter. She loved him, and that was enough for me.

The twelfth marc arrived, and the ferry came to shore. And what a reunion--and first meeting--it was! Mother had not seen him for a long time, and I'd not seen him before at all. But she loved him, so I knew I would. And so I have. One could not ask for a better father or mother than Razzor and Shalandra!

We then went to the Milltown Inn, and spent many a marc talking. Or rather, they did most of the talking, and I was a little busy hiding behind mother, as I was still very shy and uncertain. What a wonder and a miracle, though... never did I think I would find family again in this new and strange place!

By the will of the Gods, I was allowed but to train with a wooden sword, which I did for a long time. Over time, it was father who was there more and more as I leveled and trained. Though initially, when I trained in the Dark Forest, they would both be there, blessing and enchanting me so I could even hunt such things as wolves and bears! They received most of the cloaks, as to me is right and good. What use would I have for them anyways?

It was a trip to Haggie's a long time later that made me realize that I was to be an Enchantress. I had tried going inside the Great Temple of Cory to pray--but I did not feel at all right in there, so left quickly. That was my first clue something was amiss. But it did not hit home until father and I reached Haggie's--and there it was. A staff, glittering with lightning entrapped from the skies. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life, not even a cleric's robes! I could not bring myself to say anything to father, but he kept threatening me with gooey zombie heads if I did not speak up about what it is that I wanted there. So finally, I told him of how I didn't feel right in the temple anymore. He reminded me that staves are only used by enchanters, and aye, I know. I had, in an odd way, found my true calling. And I've not regretted it one bit. The staff there was far overpriced, so we went to Yanara's.

When he placed the staff in my hand, it only confirmed what I felt--that I was to be an Enchantress. But who to ask to sponsor me along the path? The answer was right in front of me. Who better to ask than my own father? He accepted, and I had not been so happy since my adoption! The hardest part was telling mother about changing my mind. I thought for certain she would be angry, and I was frightened to death to tell her. But tell her I did. And she was not upset at all, just glad that I had found my path. I still carry that staff father gave me now; its power is not gone yet, but even when it is, I will save it, as it is very special to me. My first staff, a gift from my father. I don't know if any realize just how truly precious that is.

It's taken much training and perhaps longer than either father or I might have liked, but I am now an Enchantress. And I've not seen mother much over the summers, she has been away from the lands a lot. I miss her very much, and wonder where she might have gone. Father has been away a little more than usual lately as well. I had spoken with James Silver a few times before, and have considered him a friend for a while. It was surprising when he asked if he could consider me part of his family. My only question was what to call him. He said that "papa James" would do just fine. And so he has become to me. My family has grown, and I am the richer for it.

But I am even richer for knowing my beloved, Jarasel Bladesong. Though oh, I wish I had known him sooner! He calls me his songbird, a rare treasure. Every moment we can, we are together, whether it is just hunting or looking at the baubles in Rynn's, or riding the cannon, or simply holding each other when we've taken one too many trips to the life monument. And to think, he will be my bonded! Sweet Gods, is it really tomorrow morning? What am I going to wear? I don't have anything fine enough to call a bonding dress! What will I give him for a token? Oh, I had best go and find something, and soon!!

There's a lot to tell, but where do I start? The past is past; one door has closed, and another opened. I will always consider Percles Nomalar a friend, but my heart is with another. Jarasel Bladesong, you are my blessing, my enchantment--for you have certainly bewitched me--and my inspiration. The day we bond cannot come too soon!

I've kin within the lands; my mother, Shalandra, and my father, Razzor. Just a few days ago, James Silver counted me among his family, and rather likes the idea of calling me "daughter" as well. Having so much kin is new to me; since I was twelve summers old, all I had was mother and father. I have to admit, it became somewhat lonely over the turning of the seasons, yet I am truly glad to have them.

I've always wanted to write poetry and songs. Oh, there is not much hope that I could be truly as good as some of the great ones in this land--yet I try anyways. I have been more inspired than I have in a very long time, since meeting Jarasel, and even more so after accepting his proposal to bond. I will write them down here from time to time, humble scribblings that they are.


Treasured
*********

Cherished, loved
Truly treasured
I had not known such could be
Blind, lost
Denying my lonliness
You've opened my eyes to truly see
As the rain to a desert flower
So too does my heart bloom
Such love of incredible power
I did not think could e'er be


The Enchanter's Path
*******************

Once I thought to walk the cleric's way
Then somehow, I went astray
In Haggie's, in Branishor summers ago
Hear now my tale of how
I am now a poofer
Walker of the Nexus am I
No healing hands for me
Just beams of energy
No blessings do I speak
Merely enchantments...
No, I walk not the cleric's way
Though I hold them in high regard
I hold not the blade of a warrior
Their path--for me, 'tis too hard
A rogue I cannot be
Shadows are not my place
But in the Nexus I walk
A smile on my face


Old Key
*******

A simple, humble old key
Only mark of my time
Serving the Gods that guide us
Creating the seals that guard us

Never before was I needed
Yet at the northern monument I stood
A key pressed into my hand
By a stranger

My pride the key is
For never before was I called
In breathless wonder, I thank
the Gods for the chance to serve