It's hard to concentrate on training. I need to remember to stay focused on it so they don't get me when I'm not looking. It's bad when that happens. Some laugh about it and don't seem to mind. I do. It's a gift and I don't want to waste it like I wasted others.

When you don't keep alert bad things happen. But what if you were alert and bad things happened? Did you just think you were alert? Does paying attention matter at all if bad things can still happen?

I keep looking for a guardian for folks who need them, but I haven't found any. Maybe another time. Maybe I'm not being alert enough. Maybe the banditos scared them away.

Can people in guardian costumes sneak up on real guardians?

I talked to people today. Nothing bad seemed to happen but I'm not sure.

I told Wolf a bit about the trouble, but I don't think he believed me. That's okay though. He's trying to think the best of people. He just doesn't realize that he shouldn't all the time.

It's quiet where I train now and I'm out of the way. I did sit in the inn a bit.

I saw Vardian she was looking for tokens but she said she didn't need any. I was confused. Then she explained. Someone else wants one. She was looking for him. I hope she finds one.

I saw a man dressed like a sea dweller. He was near Merry who was also dressed like one. He said he remembered me from last year and that I scared him in my costume. I told him I wasn't wearing one this year.

How could he remember me if I was in costume? I didn't understand and then he said I took it off when he got scared and he recognized my eyes. I don't know if he was funning or not. I'm not very good at knowing that.

I went to a party the other day. The Hammers were having a party. It was strange. There was a room where someone wanted candy thrown at him. I felt bad for him. It looked like it hurt. He asked me to but I said no.

Another room had someone being dropped into green goo. She wanted people to throw things at a stick near her. I was given a sea shell for being there. People seemed to have fun. Someone else wanted another thing thrown at them.

Is throwing things okay then? When I did at Eagle, Thorin scolded me. It's very confusing.

I gave Vardian one today since she probably knows more people wanting them. I gave another away to someone who was looking. We talked a bit, she was sad. When I asked why she told me. Mammoth said he would get in trouble and he did. I didn't know that would happen. Maybe I shouldn't talk to anyone anymore if that can happen. It's not right.

I don't know. I need to think about it. Is it intent or what happens that matters? Is the answer always the same?

Vaults hold things. They can hold forever too I bet. I hope. I won't cause trouble and problems like I have been. I won't cause bad things. So it will have to. It will all work. Forever is a long time and holds many things in it.

Before I came here, when we got really hungry, there was a beetle that could be roasted. The BigUns didn't care about them. When they were done you would suck out their meat and leave the shell behind. If you did it right you got all the food and left just an empty shell. I wonder what happened to all those shells. Do they pile up and up or do they vanish into the ground? I don't see any of those beetles here except now.

Before I came here I never would have thought there'd be so many nice people. Or that people could be happy and everything. It was good being happy. It will be again. There is always forever.

((little effort has been made to clean up errors))

I do be knowin what I gots ta be doin. Even though it do hurt, it do be the bestest.

I'm not sure. One asked if I was being fair and another said it wasn't my choice to be fair or not but it was the choice of another to view my actions as fair or not. I hadn't thought of it that way.

It is the actions or how someone else sees the actions that make something fair or not? I need to think about that alot. It's more confusing then it seems. Is the answer always the same or does it change sometimes? So much to think about.

Seragil was around and it was good to see him but he said he had to leave and did. Then I went where some other people were and they said it was okay to be there but then they left. Did I do something wrong? It would be bad to do something wrong and only know it because of how people react.

If no one was around and you did something but you didn't know it, would it still be wrong? Does it matter who you are? Do BigUns ever do wrong or because they're BigUns is what they do always right?

I have lots of questions but not many answers. I wonder if there's a place I can find some.

People ask strange things but sometimes they make you think. Someone asked me if bondings were forever and I told them that's what I thought.

Then they asked me what if the person is never around when you are or is seeing other people. I wasn't sure what to say, but I tried to answer it. I don't know if I did a good job cause they wondered if Light minded that I wasn't around.

I said that forever isn't just now. It's other times too and other times we are both around. But I never asked. I probably should. I know he's around lots when I'm not. Am I being fair? But who do I ask?

I went lots of places today. He wasn't there and most people weren't either. I wonder where they all go. I know where I do. Then I went training more. Talisk looks nice is his costume and I told him so. He says he's not picked on in it and that's good.

A few people asked if I wanted a token. I said no. If people keep offering tokens to people why are others selling them?

It's bad enough being stupid. It's worse when someone is around to see it. I forgot to heal again and ended up out of the quiet dark and at a life monument. Skylsganin was there. He was very nice but I still felt foolish.

He was in the Fartown Tavern before too. Maybe he's staying in Fartown now? There were raids there before but I couldn't get there to help. Lots did and they all took cannons afterwards I think. It was very noisy. Eagle takes them lots now. I wonder why? Before she said she didn't like them.

I worked more on my lace and met someone named Mephisto. He seemed nice but was awful hungry. He asked about my tatting and asked what it was for. I told him it was in blackrose pattern and that I was making some to keep and some to give away. I hadn't named it before, but it seems right.

Earlier I met a man who said to call him Legionarius. He didn't seem to care about names much. If you have one name and then another are you the same person?

Carthus is doing good. I spoke to him before. He said the festival suprised him a bit too. All the costumes were a bit confusing.

The candyballs are nice.

Light was about when I was! We talked and it was good to see him. He offered me a token but I told him I'd rather not. He's a Demon Centaurian in his costume. He said his guild has several costumes of Balthazar and all. I asked if they were going to make a demon costume army and scare folks. I think he liked that.

My training is going good. Even if I forget to heal sometimes. That's bad.

Sreip asked me to come with her so I did. She went to speak to someone who wanted her to sponsor them. I don't know if she will. The person just seemed to want her because she is a Knight and all. There's lots of good warriors. I don't understand why she thought that if Sreip sponsored her she'd have a better chance being a Knight.

BigUn Badger told me about a green, but Talon wasn't awake. I don't know who else needs one so I couldn't help. As I was going to rest I saw Eagle. Her costume is just like Light said.

There is lots happening. The Crier called Candyballs and people ran around alot. I spoke with Skylsganin who looks like a demon

He said he was writing a demon marching song. Do demons sing or march? I don't know so I asked him. He didn't know either. So we talked about demons and why they do what they do. It doesn't matter because they're doing bad things and we need to kill them, but I wonder why too.

He didn't know but talked about how silly it was for them to come and keep attacking. I think they're more afraid of what sends them to us. Either way we have to stop them and people will.

I saw Carthus visited the trainer. He's doing well. He even had helped out the mayor already. That's good. Darc visited the trainer too, but she's very low level now. I thought she was a warrior but then she was a cleric and now she's an inititiate. I don't understand.

I'm training in the quiet dark now but I have light. I just hope Light is here soon.

Fall Festival is going on. I'm not sure what I'll see when I go somewhere. I thought I saw Cory but it was someone in costume. People are enjoying themselves and I'm glad. What happens if someone in a god costume gives that god's blessing?

Light wears a demon costume but I know it's him. I'm not always sure who the people are it's fun to see it all.

Badger is still a BigUn though he tried to say he wasn't. So is Mammoth. There are parties going on. I'll try to stay awake to see some of them. Maybe Light can be there too. Badger has a costume that Kabbaloi had last year. I thought it was her at first. And Eagle has a thistle costume too.

Wolf doesn't have one yet. He says he wants his guildmates to have them first. I wonder what that's like having guildmates. Sometimes people ask me but it still sounds too scary. Maybe one day I'll be brave.

I haven't seen Carthus in a while, but we've left each other notes. He's still about. I hope he's doing well and enjoying festival too.

It's nice having candyballs again.

I'm mostly training and harvesting. I went to visit at the inn but noone was there. Jaltz is around though and we talked about Fall Festival a bit. He asked what I was dressing as. I think I'll dress as me. I know what I should look like and do that way.

Zarl Denumbrug leveled and I sent him congratulations like he used to do when I did. I didn't know Zarl before now but I think he funs alot. He was saying he brought weather, then that I did. Then that pieces of him wander off when noone is looking. But then he said he had a jovial heart sometimes. I wonder what he does with it when he doesn't have it.

Fleur and I talked a bit and so did Lion. They're all okay. That's good.

Bella asked if I wanted to join a guild. It was very kind of her but I don't think I'd be a good guild person. They share alot. I don't think I could. Days ago I stopped in Cerbie's Grill and Kyle was there with some of his guildmates. He said they were celebrating because one of them leveled. So I went and got a leveling present. I don't think one meant for me to hear what she said. But I gave him the present for his guildmate.

I went to my vault to look at what was there. I still have a candyball. I think I know what I'll do with it. Light isn't around, but I think one of his guild is. They'll get it to him.

Eagle wrote a poem and Light and I are in it. I don't think I should be but it was nice of her to put me in it. She recited it and lots of people heard it. I still don't know where she finds all those words though. She said that he is in there quietly. That's like him.

I'm training more and Light is too. Fall Festival is coming. Wolf talked about it and Eagle and then Light too. I remember last year. It was fun but scary too. I don't think I want to wear a costume this year. But Light does. I always know it's him though.

People say there will be parties and stories and other things. That will be nice. I guess it only comes sometimes so we have something to look forward to.

There should be more food and all too people say.

Lion is happy too that's good. And she's watching out for him.