Once again I have been shown just how much knowledge there is still to learn. It appears that in the secret places of Strifegorge there is a library. It sounds like the RoK library, but much bigger, with more ancient and rare texts. A librarian looks after it too rather than it just being in the care of the Knights. Knight Azure said that she tried to tidy up once and got into trouble. And within those great texts I imagine dear Purazon, hungry for knowledge, devouring the books like a condemned man his last meal or as one who has been starving in the wastelands suddenly come to a feast. There will never be enough knowledge for him - he thirsts for it as I do for water. Yestereve he passed on his knowledge on the history of the ancient parts of the Land. Where they came from, who governed them, what brought them together in the end? All this was talked of. Korba poured over maps to compare. My head felt as though it would burst with all the information and I confess I can remember little of it: I must press Purazon to write down his findings for a volume in our own library. I know I could not be the only one to yearn to learn more. The room was full of adventurers new and old - I am sure that is why he chose the Building of Glass. When we have sat and read the journals of Annia together he often asked to settle there - he likes the thought of those just arrived in the lands hearing histories and discussions and being interested enough to stay and listen and learn something of this Land we call home.

When the lecture was done we moved to stories. Jezzara came first with a tale of her own courage and determination - though oddly she did not seem to see it that way - of a dreadful day when no one would come to her aid against demons on the wall. I shuddered at the thought of her there - someone did come to her aid in the end, buyt they could not have known when they did what had gone before and I see no courage in their actions. I blush to remember what she said… it was an excellent tale in any case and we pressed the crowd for more! I was as surprised as he himself was when Korba spoke up. He does not like public speaking. His too was a tale of courage beyond courage - of three younger adventurers not yet equipped to fight beneath in the wall or beneath it and yet, with his dear self by their side, they did. They saw things they should not have seen and together - that all important word together - they slew many creatures. Korba would not finish the tale. He left it at their courage. I fear I already know the end, but Korba has said he will tell me another time. I would not make him uncomfortable - if a brother and sister cannot find quiet time to tell a tale, none can.

Then dear Purazon volunteered when no one else would. As soon as he started to speak a hush fell. His tale was of long ago - of dark times when neighbours fought and had no mercy. He spoke of a noble family and a daughter - and a warrior. A great warrior of strength and handsome of face…. I was much minded of another as he spoke and felt the colour come to my cheeks. A terrible thing happened and the girl was taken prisoner by a neighbouring Lord! The warrior and her father went to plead for her return and the coward who took her ignored them and imprisoned them both! The entire company was sitting wide eyed and holding its breath - the sound of a pin falling would have been heard. Yet the hour came, as I knew it would, when he had to rest and left the company aching to know the conclusion! He will tell again I know. He speaks so well and so easily and when he tells a tale it springs into life as he speaks. I am not the only one desperate to know the end! Did the warrior break free and rescue her? Was there a great battle? Did the captor do something worse? We will find soon enough. As the Blue Knight said - patience. It is a quality I have never been known for.
I said my farewells and scurried away to the guildhall to rest in our Guest Quarters and found that my dearest friend had beaten me too it. I hovered by the door a brief moment - I did not want to disturb them. Their rest is vital - so many things weigh upon them. But their smile washed all those fears away and they sat quietly at their work as I prepared for rest. I was so glad to take off the armour and boots. I forget when I am wearing them but, as soon as they are removed, their weight and the discomfort are remembered in the relief of their absence. The cool water felt soothing as I washed my hands and face. I closed the shutters and lay on my side where I could quietly watch them work. I do not know why, but it felt…strange to lie there as they sat working away. It was a companionable silence. I felt the darkness gently drift down on me urging me to close my eyes. In those delicious minutes where the body is shutting down but the mind is not, my eyes gently opened and closed and were always reassured by their continued presence. As I fell asleep I had impressions in my mind. Bright reflections, dark eyes….. warmth and comfort and absolute safety. I woke twice in my sleep. They were still there. I wanted to get up and softly cross the room and go to them. I did not, of course. They looked so peaceful as they rested. I could happily wake to that sight every day of my life, and end each day the same as yestereve. But nothing in this life is simple. We are not at liberty to be so selfish. It is a nice dream though.

I expect when I wake properly they will be gone - gone to their duty, their study, their prayers, their teaching. And my prayers and love go with them and to all who do the same. I hope…. I pray the Blue Knight’s day will be one of peace.

I feel as though I could do battle with anything - and I feel if I smile much more my face will collapse from the effort. I will not battle now - I will slip my journal back under my pillow and not risk waking them.

Thank you gods…

How can I adequately explain my feelings on this bright morning kissed by Sunrifter and blessed by the gods? I had the best night’s sleep I can remember in a very long time and have woken refreshed, full of vitality and feeling strong as a Bos! Waking in such lovely surroundings as the guest quarters feels so safe and comforting. It is warm and gentle and feels as if nothing could get through to harm me. And throwing open the shutters Sunrifter streamed in and touched the statue in the memorial garden - I felt as though it stuck to all my senses and warmed me right through in an instant.

I pinched myself today to make sure it could really be true - that I had found a guardian… that I did indeed have a green crystal… and that it was actually full! And yes - no dream (except one) has ever been than vivid.. it is true! And I can scarce believe it. It has not sunk in yet - it feels suddenly as if all my life in the Land has been leading up to is starting to take shape. My feet are on completely solid ground. My vision is clear and the path straight and I do not walk it alone.

This was not my quest - I did not achieve it - it has only been achieved thanks to the huge generosity of friends, and especially my dear, dear guild. My input was tiny. I cannot express how tiny! That dear, beloved family closed about me, encouraged me, supported me, held me in their hands when I was feeling low and as if it might never happen, and gave - oh how they gave - of their time and of the precious metal.

I felt such a fool yestereve. There was dear Topaz and Blue and Shadow - I was so glad to see him it seemed to long. When I awoke I found several precious things in my pack, left there by dear Purazon and Topaz - and then here again they waited for me and piled me with help. My eyes were almost in pain at one point - the crystal glowed, and expanded and seemed as if it were alive in my hands. And so heavy! Agonisingly heavy! I felt as though my trembling arms might not hold! As the last one was absorbed, given by dear Shadow, I could not help it - I staggered to the banker, placed the precious thing in his care, looked at my dear brothers and sisters and promptly burst into tears. I just could not help it - the rush of emotion was as though a tidal wave had swamped the Southern shoreline and carried me away. I was so overwhelmed by what I had been given, by their love and kindness, and by the fact the seemingly impossible had been achieved. And it just proved to me what I have always believed heartfelt. That standing alone is nothing, and together we are everything! There was but one dear face missing there in Milltown, but so happy was I that though I longed to see him, I was distracted. I think it must be the only time it has ever happened!

There and then an impromptu gathering was arranged to celebrate in the Swashbuckler. What a happy, happy time it was! And how honoured I was to see old friends and new. Topaz, Skyls and Jezzera - what a team! Topaz was taken with doing a warrior can-can complete with the song! I think it must have been reminiscing of the time she and dear Wyf had visited the trainer together and performed all about Milltown! And she had her very own chorus line! Blue and I were almost speechless with mirth and incredulous delight to see them clattering about the place! And how kind of Thorin and my dear brothers Kit and Scally to be there! And Az was there! She had been so kind and encouraging! - and dear Topaz running to and fro fetching refreshments for us all. I confess I drank too much Ethucan wine - and it was delicious and my heart felt light and gay! Laughter and joyful faces - it was wonderful! And then Urkki did come for a few moments. I sent a note to tell him of my progress and hoped he might, but was almost shocked to see him. I was so glad.

Then dear Purazon came in. He looked tired but happy. For a brief second I saw a tall man relaxed against the bar, a jug of pirate ale in hand, and not the knight. Cares and worries seemed to leave his brow just for a second. I knew he would soon leave, and the room was hot and my head slightly spinning so I went to the kitchen to re-gather my thoughts. I did not want to see him go in front of all those people….

My face, I was told, was lit up and it brought joy to see it. They should know the reason for it - and my joy was absolutely complete to have them there. I thought I might faint with happiness!

News travels fast in the land - it may be coincidence or fury, but the Dark One launched a raid. I did not go to it - there was no point. I was utterly exhausted in my happiness. The room emptied as though the gods had called down a curse as all ran hither and thither to answer the call. It was a timely reminder of what we are all striving to achieve. Thankfully all was clear and all soon returned and many fond and merry farewells were said. Kit was holding a meeting - an important meeting. I pray it all went well.

So I look our over the garden with new vigour and purpose. I am Vardian! I am of my gods! I have the crystal, but much still to do. Shadow said it would be but seven journeys to the trainer and then I must seek a portal. I quiver with anticipation tinged with a delicious fear. I cannot wait. I feel that when this thing is done - finally completed - I will be better armed to serve and to follow into dark places to heal where I dare not tread, not yet.

What will the next moon bring? I cannot know, but I sing to my gods that I shall strive to make the most of it!

I sense a new beginning. Over recent months it has felt as though some have lost their purpose. There was a restless spirit roaming in the land that seemed to take hold of adventurers. I could feel the longing in people. Somehow the fight was not enough anymore. There were long journeys undertaken out of the lands, often back to the homelands left behind so long ago. Some seemed indecisive. Many seemed unable to see their path clearly. I saw those who were once so full of vitality and enthusiasm drifting into a quieter life in the inns.

None of these things, or indeed any adventurer, is to be in any way criticised; for the gods alone know our destinies and only our hearts can follow. Not for others to judge or be judged. I found myself in the same places in a way. Sometimes our lives seem to need to slow and perhaps look at the more spiritual aspects of our nature. I am lucky however for I have a rock to anchor me to my path - gods if I only had one wish, and the Land was already safe from the Dark One’s forces, it would be to see everyone have such happiness and such an anchor.

The land felt as though a cold season, with dark days, was upon it. Nothing felt better than to be wrapped in whatever comfort was to be had and to dream. I wish I knew what it was that I was dreaming but it does not matter now. A period of quiet reflection is good for the soul.

So what has changed? All and nothing. I believe the Iron Knights’ work has been paramount in bringing about a new awakening and giving back a sense of purpose. First there was their discovery, thanks to a young initiate, of the answer to the riddle of the statue which involved everyone both meek and great, weak and strong, young and old in a united purpose to honour their King departed. And now there are the lessons they are willing to share with us all. Dear Purazon on courage - and what better example could there be? And Knight Sreip’s lesson on weaponary must have been of great benefit! I wish I could have seen it. This bringing together of people is, I truly believe, the way forward in the fight. No one can fight alone. All our strengths when bound together are great indeed. Our weaknesses when with all others are not so great.

So to train then. My crystal is still greatly undercharged, but with courage, my weapon, and my kin, I can surely succeed. I do not do so for myself. I do it for my gods, the Queen, my brethren and the good of the Land. If I take it for my home, then I must give it back myself and what ever I can manage for its good. I also do it for the dearest of all to me. They would not expect it, but whether they wish it to be so or not, that is how it is.

May the gods continue to let me do their will and give me the courage and strength to make a difference. May I be comfort and support for those that need it and, though I am not skilled or learned, may I be a teacher to those who ask it.

May I, above all, always be thankful for all that I am given and to always see the grace in those things.

I learnt a huge amount yestereve. I learnt of courage, of perseverance, and something of a life I have longed to know more of. I thank the gods for everything I have been taught and for the chance to cherish the one who taught it. I hope the jewel was not an unseemly gift, but it would not have been in my hand were it not for him. And, in a way, it stood for much of what was taught and so could not have been more appropriate. Even before the lesson was given, I took the courage I needed to get it from him.

And so it was done. The statue is complete and it looks…..truly magnificent. And yet it does not detract in any way from that great and noble example of Kingship. If anything, it is as though the fire of the gems flows from Him; much as the fire of his spirit flowed from him. He is remembered - and not as some rest only in dark, cold tombs, ever quiet and asleep. No - that would not have suited Him; although I pray that one day we may know his final resting place and perhaps lay flowers there. He does not rest, but watches over his people as always He did. Not for him the silent, soft footsteps of mourners quietly sliding by; but rather the dashing of those in battle, or travelling through, who will look up at him in wonder and be inspired. Dear Purazon wrote to me to tell me of the words that were spoken. It was moving: I made the right decision in not being there. His words were passionate and unrestrained and yet not in any way overdramatic. They were heartfelt true words as I knew they would be. I wish I could see him and look into his eyes and see what he is thinking now it is done. Will the hurt and pain still be there or will this all have given him some peace? I pray it has.

I had a message today from an elderly woman who must have passed me by in the plains as I slept. I do not know why, but I felt strangely drawn to her. Her manner was so very kindly and there was an unrestrained wisdom radiating from her message’s few words. I have offered her my help whenever it may be given and she seemed pleased by it. I pray the gods may help her frail body: I have no worries for her spirit for it seems strong. I feel as though our paths were meant to cross somehow. Well, my path shall pass by her if the gods will it.

He has been gone so very long it now seems almost strange to see Him spoken of, discussed; remembered by some and enquired about by others. And how fitting it is that it should be He that draws the land together once more in a common purpose, and that everyone in the land, the old and the young, the skilled and the newly arrived, can ALL participate in this great event. I do not know and cannot fathom how the scroll came to be in the plains. It is not my duty to question the gods or their path for us. I do believe however that it is a good sign. I cannot contemplate what wisdom the inititate who thought to take the scroll to the Knights must have, but I am so very glad of it. It was absolutely right that it should have fallen to them to unravel the mystery. I pray hard for that young one for surely they will be a great asset in the fight. The Knights guard His daughter as they guarded Him and to see them carry out their duties fills me with awe and inspires me greatly. They are a shining example to all in the land and I am honoured to count among them true friends and even more. I thank the gods every day for their presence in the land and for the peace and reassurance knowing they are there can bring. Yes, only they could have been so well suited for this task.

I have spent long days in the plains as I have not done since I was a much younger woman. Not scurrying about and engaging in cat fights with the creatures, but sitting and thinking; remembering times past. Also thinking about the future I suppose...

As to the ceremony, when it occurs, I do not feel I can be at. I do not wish to have the Knights offended, but, just for once, I must think of myself. I remember a man as well as a King and truly the sight of the glittering statue when first remade - as I am sure it will be for the amount of jewels to be collected is vast! - I believe will be…overwhelming. I do not wish to mar the ceremony with any hint of sadness. I shall find a quiet place and pray and meditate on many things and think of Him: A quiet ceremony of my own. The statue’s completion will bring some sort of closure that has thus far been missing somehow. He will stand guard in the plains on a plinth that will be finally worthy of him. For time immemorial it will stand. It will shine as His presence did. I believe this to be a very deeply spiritual and important moment for Dear Purazon too. He was friend and guardian, brother and loyal servant of Him. I know he hurts and grieves as I have; perhaps even more than I have in a way. Strange to think it, but he knew Him much better. He understood the strains of His Kingship and truly loved and supported Him. The King often spoke of him and it was with genuine affection and respect. It is hard to know what to say, or to think. Two men so very similar in so many ways and yet, by their paths, different: Both generous, both kind; one wielding a staff and one a sword. Loved and respected whenever they walked abroad. Yet one a King, and one the man to protect that King. One a ruler and one a subject. One love that stirred an awakening and scratched the surface of a woman now ready to understand what love is, and another to finally open her, fill her with fire and envelop her in all that it can bring. One a memory and one very real.

This whole episode has wrapped them together with a memory at the core kept safe always and flesh and blood facing the world. I will wrap them both in my heart though I confess, may the gods forgive me, flesh and blood be dearer to me now as it has been for many long months.

Oh gods may the ceremony be fitting and true and have all the significance and meaning it ought. Keep a treasured memory safe and please, oh gods, please above my life, keep him safe.

Remember Him
With love and loyal pain.
Remember Him
Oh Land He came to reign.
Remember Him;
He gave His all for you.
Remember Him.
His ways were always true.
Remember Him;
Not just a name gone by.
Remember Him
Though years and time might fly.
Remember Him
With poetry and song.
Remember Him:
The pain when He was gone.
Remember Him
With jewels that shimmer bright.
Remember Him
Oh stars that light the night.
Remember Him
That regal King well met.
Remember Him?
My soul could not forget.

And as my thoughts turned to the King, a message from the one who made my heart sing in His place though I never dreamed it would be possible. Riddles, strange words, a statue, precious gems… who knows what this can all mean. I have sat looking at the face I held so dear trying to ponder what the purpose of these strange words is. I have read the notices from the Iron Knights on these matters. I have some thoughts…. But from experience I know there is little this cleric can do. I will rest here at the King’s feet. I pray my dreams are ones in which my dearest friend, guide, counsel, love will be before me.

*****

I came to for a moment and he stood there tall and silent as though in watch. I will sleep again.

How strange it is that we can go for marcs, weeks, months without seeing old friends and then suddenly everyone seems to cross our paths either with messages or their dear selves. So it seemed to me this day. I saw many faces that cannot help but bring back memories of a sorrowful time, and yet within that sorrow the memory of what makes Valorn such a special place to be: The friendship and support of adventurers around you and the common loyalties and duties to the gods and the Queen.

I heard from Ildara which was a joy. She seemed peaceful and stoical. She has trained as high as any person can at present. She said a strange thing though - she enquired after me and I told her I was preparing to trek back to battle. She answered then - not complaining or unhappy with her lot, but perhaps slightly melancholic at memories of battles past - that all she could really do now was sit around waiting for the chance to battle the deadliest enemies of all when they are unleashed by the Dark One. Her words struck me. What is our purpose after all? Ildara turned away from the path of the cleric and has made a new life as a fearsome warrior. That was her path and she had to follow it. Once a warrior has trained to such a level what is their path then? There are many sides to that profession. They protect, they train, they battle fierce, they inspire. Yet for the swordsman who yearns for battle alone I can see the hands must itch to wield their weapon.

I heard from Kira too. Always when I see her I remember the dreadful time the Dark One took the King from the lands. She was one of those who brought Him back. I remember Dagobert carrying the Crystalline Shard bestowed upon me by the Great God Darren, may his name be blessed forever, to those who performed the Ceremony. What strange times they were.

Skyls too was abroad though I blush at some of his words. A dear friend. How I would love to see him truly settled. I always sense there is something he yearns for.

Dear Topaz it seems left me another primitive as I slept. I never knew such generosity as my dear Guild family bestows. She seems to be well on the surface but does not speak of her lost bondmate. I wish she would. I never seem able to give the comfort others have given me. Sorynn is unreachable. All of us are in the hands of the gods and can wish for no more. I suppose that is easy to say when I have been so fully blessed.

Then just before making my journey back here to the Guildhall to rest, I chanced upon dear Thorin in the Inn. I was so happy to speak with him for it feels an age. We had many long discussions on many things when I first entered the lands and he showed me great kindness. There was another young man with him - a strange conversation we had. He seemed to have known Knights Hojo a time. I wonder if we will chance upon each other again.

So a day of renewals of acquaintance which was wonderful. Just one face I did not see that I long to, but that face comes to me in my dreams.

I will sleep well and happy.

Strange dreams have passed over me, and yet stranger waking still. My sister will be well I am sure. She is not herself. Her bondmate seems happy enough and enthusiastic in speaking of her so I can only hope that with him all is well and she has peace. May Cory's light bathe her in peace.

And dear Purazon has sent me a note - welcome as ever - and yet it too holds some strange meaning or so it seems. Be watchful. I wonder of what? If he feels......a forebodance.... well, I shall heed his advice.

The mask in my pack too seems to be calling me. It knows when I have seen the trainer I may wear it. It too gives me a slightly....... anxious feeling.

Ah all will be well. May Ben's strength help clear my clouded mind.

Perhaps it is dwelling on the past. I went through an old pack of most private papers and letters last night and re-read them all and collected them into one place. A whole life - or so it seemed - laid out on sheets of parchment.

I still need to keep the past safe. For surely it has led to my future...

I rest now in the guildhall and my dreams are soft as the cot I lie in. I will sleep again but must note the words that came to me...


Blistered lips and poisoned veins:
A body feeling many pains.
Hunger and thirst both stalk my steps.
Frustrated tears my eyes have wept.
Aching limbs and tired eyes.
Will the moonscape never rise?
Creatures evil and grotesque
Stand between me and my quest.
I shall surely perish here
Without the one I hold so dear.
The gods will leave me where I lie.
There before their grace go I.
But no. I see my path set true.
The mountains I can see in view.
This pain will pass and sorrow wane.
I shall see their dearest face again.
My soul will know my gods once more.
My steps shall steady be and sure.
I shall train and fight and pray
And I shall see another day.
For Queen and Guild and love hold fast.
When in the future, all this is past.
So wake now and with courage start.
Be strong in mind and soul and heart.

Yet again I was blessed with a message from them and yet again their presence gave me good fortune and renewed courage and determination. I still find it hard to believe that with all the grave things that occupy their mind, they think of me still. It seems…miraculous. I had spent a long, arduous day in the dark desert, once more, in the never ending hunt for the treasure to be found there that I must find or never progress. And once more during that torturous time it seemed the creatures laughed at me and must surely be hiding the tracks of the guardians. I know - I just know - they are watching me all the while I toil under Sunrifter’s blazing glory; laughing at my efforts: Laughing at the pathetic sight of my puny body wading through the shifting sands: Laughing at the fact they have outwitted me in my search. Yet with a word from them, three I found in as many marcs. Though they did not yield up the treasures I seek, a golden crystal fell to my hands, a treasure in itself, which I promised to them should it be useful. Sadly it was not. This does not depress me or make me feel frustrated, though I do wish I could have found something to pass into their dear hands. I know they would make better use of an ancient scroll, for their learning and wisdom and understanding are so much greater than mine.

I could not bring myself to rest beneath the Wall. Though I am entirely safe there I find the darkness completely enveloping. It has an evil feel and the air is not wholesome. No, to rest there worries me more than any place in the Dark Land. Being so close to Branishor I knew where my steps would take me and I felt cleansed as the temple came into sight. It has been weeks, months even, since I came to the Holy City and gave thanks in the temple. Walking the streets of Branishor I felt quite the tourist. It was so good to see the sight of Haggie and even Falson seemed….well, less surly than I remembered him. The air was pure, the streets seemed bright, the sight of the mountains calming, the sight of the temple a rush of joy. I knelt and prayed despite my weary body battling with me to let it sleep. I felt renewed there and gave thanks for I am alive, my feet are firm on the path, and I have friendship, family and love. Sometimes it is good to take a step back and remember it. When all else seems to close in remembering the blessings we have and why we are here clears my mind.

My time at the temple prepared me again and I returned to that dreadful place. So long did I wander there and so hard were the battles. I became disorientated. It seems when you are there that if you turn to look at even your last few steps the wind has cruelly erased them as the sands whip up and shift about. It can seem as though you have surely travelled nowhere though you have laboured for many marcs. Ah! A cruel and harsh place indeed! I even had cause to clutch my ring of light and use it as I could to stem the blood flowing from my wounds. My cracked and bleeding lips were tortured by the venom I sucked from my body left there by the twisted beings I must fight. Yet I saw their face before me encouraging me on. And fight on I did.

I have stumbled back into the light and to our guild hall to rest now. I have completed my training record and as soon as the time seems right….. well, then I will go to the trainer. Perhaps the extra confidence and new skills will see my path opened up before me once more and show me somewhere new to battle.

And so I am here again, back in the dark forest, despite my body being torn apart by a malignant horror. I slip back into my old ways. Do not be careless cleric: Curiosity was always your downfall. I keep a vow to my dearest friend that I will go not near the tomb in the dark desert: They will show me the marvels there one day. In a strange way I look forward to it as I did that bright and glorious city with its marvellous gardens and temples. A very different place to long to see, but I cannot help it. I know they have stayed in that place for many long, dark, dangerous marcs. They have pushed their body and soul to the limit in the depths of that place. Therefore, I long to see it, I long to share it, I long to know it and understand it.

No - this torture was in a way self inflicted by my stubbornness and my determination to roam Old Dundee. The place terrifies me and it is abhorrent. But surely, it is in some strange way a mirror to the Dundee I know and feel safe in: The Dundee I have spent so many happy times in. Dundee is a place even the youngest may go in safety. It is a place where learning and training happen and refreshment can be taken. It irks me that I cannot then go to its dark counterpart. I know there are many of my brethren, and the one who holds me dear, who would be horrified to know of my straying to that place. I also know there are more to consider than myself and whatever draws me, I will resist. I will not go there again until I am strong enough.

I could not call the encounter a battle; far from it. It was annihilation: A crushing and tearing: An utter pounding. The horrors in Old Dundee do not fear my presence; they loathe it and punished me. And it was mercifully over terribly quickly. Despite my foolishness and disobedience, the gods saw fit to bring me back to the light. I did not so much rest at the Dundee monument as lay stunned for a good long marc before I could drag myself to my feet. Yet once I stood firm again, I strode straight back to the tree. I ignored its presence, for it seemed to watch me with disdain, and took the steps on the path to the darkness once more.

And so I am here again in the relative safety, if I am careful and wary, of the dark forest. A brooding gloom gathers about me, yet I am not drawn into it. This place used to sap my strength, and I still believe it can, given the chance. But I will NOT give it the chance. I hold fast my prayers and my brethren and the face that brings me such peace and joy and I will endure.

Ben grant me your strength, Cory let me bathe in your light.

The winds in the dark desert are harsh and yet they do not seem to rasp against me as once they did. Perhaps it is just that I have my cloak drawn closer about me or that I have my head lowered inside. Perhaps it is the shelter that I hope Richard would be glad to see I have mastered the use of. Or perhaps it could just be that I have grown accustomed to this godsforesaken place and do not notice any more. Whatever it is I am glad of it.

Dear Purazon once asked me in his gravest voice and with much gravitas whether I was ready to take my training into N’rolav. I was so sure I was back then. And yet, how quickly my gods and that dreadful place taught me my fragility and lack of strength. That seems like so very long ago now. But I can conjure the image of that day as though it were but a few marcs ago. How strange it seems now to think that the forest is a place of safety for me in a way; not forgetting of course the danger to be found there or to show disrespect for that danger. But if properly armed and prepared I can fight there all the long marcs the gods place my steps there. The desert too has become a place I can traverse in safety. I have been there too much lately I think, my blistered lips and rough skin tell me so, but a green crystal will not magic itself into what its destiny would make it alone. No. Hard work and training, much disappointment, moments of pure joy and, or so it seems to me, the most incredible generosity will do it: That and the gods’ guidance. But as I sit here with the winds and sands howling around me and the dreadful moans that accentuate it from the tortured creatures that roam this place, I cannot hear my gods. I still cannot believe it is true they have truly forsaken this land completely. How could they have when adventurers fight here in their name? Yet there is silence and no presence: None that I can feel anyway. Perhaps they have forsaken me? I know in my heart this is not so but doubt creeps in. It is the malignant evil in this land that lets doubt creep in. The ultimate test.

All those days and weeks spent in the RoK library reading the Tome and other great works to be found there have fortified me. I imagined Korba and Purazon and dear JKD and all their years and knowledge. I know however much I read I will never be as learned as they. But I carry some of that knowledge with me now as a skin upon my shield that keeps the soul while the metal keeps the body safe.

Yet however hard the evil forces may try and even though the gods seem to have forsaken this land there is nothing they can do against what I consider the trinity of my life. Love - love that shines its light through any darkness. Loyalty - to the Queen and the guild. Friendship - to be cherished with those held dear and offered to those who we may not yet know. Burn my skin, torture my body, Oh Dark One I swear to you as Vardian, proud cleric of my gods, friend to many and humble, gentle lover to another, though you pour all your derision upon me with forces from the skies, you will not take love, loyalty and friendship from me!