A well cared for leather bound book with a large lily etched in to the cover. The pages smell of lilies. There are words engraved and filled with gold paint reading Apple. between the pages rests a braid platinum in hue to mark her entries
Monday, 02 April 2018
So much has changed, I felt you, I heard you through all of it. You were there, but you weren't. I suppose I should have spoken up sooner, but you would have stopped me. It was too dangerous. I was too blinded by a faith that left me in the darkest hours. I will never be the same. The bruises will heal the scars will fade over time. But my heart, well that is still yours. It was always yours. To hear you, to finally feel you hug me. It was surreal.
I am home. I felt the sea breeze on my skin and I stared out over the lake. My spot. Our spot. I haven't left it since I got back. I feel the breeze against my skin and then I see the bruises, I see just what it was I escaped. Gods help me to keep my silence. I don't want that guilt to weigh on him...I need to be sure that I am not falling into some useless state. Soon enough I will be back to hunting, back to the familiar push of cutting down foes...
I hope he knows...My promise remains.
Sunday, 12 February 2017
We talked, the Brute and I. More like yelled, and I threw mud, which missed him. I slapped him and yelled...but...It has never been anything like that before, yet he wears his ring once more, he still loves me just as much as I him. I got to feel his touch, to fall back into his arms, the place in all the lands where I belong. The one person that no matter all odds, can make me calm even when all the rest blazes around me
We talked, and he held me, he touched not just skin but my soul. He brought life back when I was near the brink, and each moment we have together...Each word spoken and unspoken, is a treasured memory. Though each kiss takes my breath just as the first.
Saturday, 04 February 2017
I wake, and he no longer wears his bonding ring, has he given up so easily on me through the times I have waited for him? I hope I am mistaken. I hope that there is no loss of love from him....
Thursday, 29 December 2016
I saw him again, my Warrior. He looked so wonderful, felt so real when his lips met with mine. His touch just as I remembered it. Gentle, knowing, reassuring. I have missed him. Gods does it do my heart well to just feel him and see him next to me standing proud still to be bonded to me. His fire has surely not gone, "Little siren." The man melts my heart.
I take it he hears me when I think of him, when I long for him the most he finds his way back to remind me of his love for me. We will have to revisit our spot soon, and dance together, yes...dance..I want to spend all my cycles with him. While I am changed, he is the only that reverts me to as I was before....He sees the sides of me that I hide from all but him.
To my warrior, I love you, and I miss you daily...Reawaken soon...
Monday, 26 October 2015
The darkness is slowly giving me more comfort, the once icy hold it had on me is taking me to a place of comfort. Whispers in the shadows hint at a dark secret. One that compels me forward. I cant say when the last time I refused to help another was, but I will say that my tolerance has gone down for those who seek to make me a doormat.
I will not allow it, not anymore, I find little comfort around those that once gave it. Kenji my bonded has returned here and there, I function well with or without him. The dreams havent ceased, more so made me angry. I will not be a victim, I will end what ever it is that plagues me.
I have nothing left to lose only to gain. I am changed, I am no longer the tame docile woman I once was. I will be unscrupulous, vague, and most of all, I will do what makes me happy for a change. To hell with others if they do not like it. This is my life, none shall step in my way and prevent me from doing what I wish any longer.
"I need blessings." I dont care...You dont need them walking about the sewers like a bumbling fool. Alas...To N'rolav with it. Why bother.
Tuesday, 25 August 2015
Are the rumors true? Gossips and whispers that grow quiet, worried looks, looks of pity... Is it true? Has my Warrior gone...My sweet loving bondmate...If only I could fix this...if only I weren't cursed.
I need to escape...
Thursday, 30 July 2015
The dream haunted me again, But this time worse. The tendrils that ensnared me held me captive while i stared in to the cold dead eyes of my beloved Kenji. I saw the darkness welling within him, I heard him scream out in agony. Then, he lashed out at me, the end of his blade moving so fast I had no time to scream. As i was falling he came to his senses and saw me. He knew instantly and caught me as i fell, but it wasn't him...Gods what is wrong with me?
I only want peace, my worry grows with each passing turn for him. I am feeling lost, alone...I fear the worst, Please let him wake...let him be okay.....
Tuesday, 28 July 2015
I feel it welling deep within me. That Uncertainty, the fear of unknowing.. Turns pass and yet still no sight of the Warrior, Where are you? My heart yearns for him in ways i thought never possible. Through all of the storms he had been my rock, now with my stability gone...It seems i cannot focus. Why wont you tell me you are okay?
The nightmares become more realistic and my fears grow each turn, Gods i need you....
The oily blackness, and searing pain all there lingering before a sickening crunch, it causes me to fall, though instead of reforming in fartown, i am elsewhere, with wicked little creatures that mock me. And as my life is cut short i wake with a scream. Please...please come back
Monday, 06 July 2015
Im finding it hard to focus, on even the simplest of tasks. I cannot break now, i have to be strong...
Thursday, 04 June 2015
I remember it like it was yester-turn. A small girl no more than seven. I was walking with my father, and the bad men came. Daddy scooped me up in to his arms and I lost my dolly. "Daddy! Daddy my dolly! Please daddy go back I need her!" had i known then the words i spoke with tears brimming in my own eyes. How it broke his heart to ignore my pleading. Just to get me to safety. He held me tight despite me wiggling and writhing having a tantrum in his arms. "Daddy you don't love me, daddy why did you leave her?!" Her hair was made of yarn a yellow hue, and a ruddy white dress stained brown from constant play from a young girl. one button eye and one marked in with quill ink.
Gods how I wish I could have that doll...to cast my gaze over top her features, my sweet Anabel. I remember being angry, turns later when I went to find her only to find one small hand knit sock from Anabel's foot. I didn't know they were coming then. The bad men...I remember the primroses and how beautiful they were that time of year. I remember how mother used to sing songs of the dove and the branch of platinum. I wish I knew then what I do now.
I couldn't save you and i couldn't save me. I couldn't swim, i fell. I got scared and fell. I tried grabbing for you for anyone...but i caught the primrose....I watched you fall...I failed you daddy...I just hope you forgive me...i only wanted my Anabel. Stupid selfish me. I miss you daddy, cant you see...
I wish I could see you daddy, tell you I'm doing okay. I found a wonderful man to bond, my best friend. I hope you found mother daddy, do I still have her smile? Most of all remember me daddy, I hope I make you proud. I think you would approve of my change. How much I have grown. The man I love, he reminds me of you. Devoted, patient, kind. generous, and so many more things that I could ramble on for pages over. I hope you see me and cast your blessing upon me....Gods know that today, today daddy, I remember....
Saturday, 25 April 2015
Monday, 20 April 2015
crystal count as of this turn
Friday, 10 April 2015
We bonded last turn at the waterfall. It was only he and myself. In a few turns we will have one for any and all to attend. I just wanted to do something in honor of the Warbringer. Though I feel he may not have gotten to see it, i hope that in time he will again notice Kenji. He is slowly returning back to himself.
Tendrils attacked and i was surrounded. I called for help and even without Kane's blessing Kenji ripped through tendril after tendril trying his hardest to get to me. I was eventually saved with the help of friends, Though the crier didnt call. I called who i knew and asked for help.
Kenji knows how terrified I am of tendrils, yet i had no where to hide...no where to run to escape them. Now I'm curled beside him writing because im terrified to be alone after that. At least for the turns remaining marcs. I cant be selfish now.
The prepping for our public bonding may be the hardest thing i have had to prepare for yet. There is a bit of nervousness, what if i forget my name, or how to write. Oh gods. I am just floating like a petal on the breeze. Its really hard to believe im now bonded. Its even harder to believe the ring i wear is from him. Its beautiful....
Wednesday, 01 April 2015
I spent much of my time last turn with her and enjoyed the company of the quiet thoughts that seemed to lull me in and out of alertness. Kenji and i had been corresponding and before I knew it, he came and sat with me. We spoke of little but no words truly needed to be spoken. Our minds work as one at times and I think we both needed the presence versus the words.
We spent most of our time together even with the company of Loki. I admire the man for his jovial nature. Not much gets to him. We spoke of the sanctified darkness. Kane's grace and how it lends itself upon us if we are so blessed. Kenji and I had a duel of sorts, of course I lost, but I was able to disarm him.
Loki looked enthralled I am not sure if it was because a cleric could move with fluidity or if it were the fact that despite all else, Kenji and I sparred in a way. It was fun regardless, seeing the smile upon Kenji's face made it all worth it. I love seeing him both in his element, and the side he shows only me.
I have found a true form of happiness and with it comes laughter and a joy that I thought was long lost. I have rekindled my will to fight, a will that burnss so deep that it rocks in to my soul. I want to earn my place amongst the sanctified ranks of Kane. My oath lies in your will WarBringer. Bless me and guide me with your strength and ever present fury.
Sunday, 22 March 2015
The last few turns have been a whirlwind of excitement, joy, and hard work. Ill start from the beginning,
I took a trip away to Ethucan to visit the beach for some quiet reflection time. I spent some time enjoying the feel of the water upon parched skin. It was blissful. When I returned I spent sometime with friends in the area before going to the dig site and testing my powers against trolls in battle and quickly visited the trainer for a higher experience level
Kenji has been such a blessing who would have thought through all we both have been through that he and I would end up as we are now. He watched me try, fail, succeed, and cry in a matter of a part turn. Yet, he wasn't at all intimidated by my irrational behavior. It has always been this way. He has always accepted me as the person I am. Never expecting me to change or to be someone i couldn't be. I'd like to assume I have given him the freedom to just be himself.
A facade can only be held for so long before things change ideas and wants seem to drift the the "what ifs" I dont know what happened that turn on the plateau but I can honestly say, I am glad that I finally opened my eyes to a new possibility. Had my eyes not been open. who knows how long it would have taken for me to realize that my destiny is to be with a man of strong mind body and soul. He has a streak of passion for what he is. A man capable of making many quake in fear of his words, but sends my heart a flutter with but a smile.
Thank you gods...
Had I given up when i thought I should have, i would not be in the state I am in. Happy...I am totally and utterly at peace. I have the best guildkin and love perhaps more than i deserve, but I will make this work and them happy. It is my job, and my heart...Gods know i protect it fiercely... My shadow in the light, If ever you see this...Know I cherish every marc with you and every moment apart, lets me realize and re focus knowing that even if apart, we always have each other.. I love you
Friday, 13 March 2015
Soft sands tickle the toes upon bare feet water laps hungrily at dainty toes. Peace upon me from the sanctuary of what one would call paradise. Gentle breezes to sooth anxious mind, body, and soul. Cool water to mist the parched skin of one who forgets often that sometimes it's okay to put ones self first.
Bright and warm are the rays of rifter. Feeling the silk upon my frame makes me realize I spend far too much time in armor not allowing my true beauty to shine forth. I've locked it away with piles of brick and mortar. So here I stand chisel in hand chipping away at the mortar. I see her through the cracks. The child that loved so passionately and freely. Why did I trap those feelings?
That's why. I was insecure. I had been ripped to shreds mentally. Raising Ariannah with father when mother passed away. Seeing father and uncle Addam die. For what? Me. Damnable choices. Yet I lived. I felt I owed them for their sacrifices. I felt alone.
I'm not alone.
I have two things others cannot change. My faith. And my heart I am strong mentally but how does one get past that which they sought to hide and allow it to release. How do I let myself be the person I know I am.
Musings and thoughts.
Rifter and sea breeze take me away.....
Sunday, 16 November 2014
"Please be wary of the Unseen Bronze....I do not think it as harmless as others do." Those words are ringing in my thoughts and I worry for her...For all of them. I want to help..But how? I have not seen anything not a single blasted image that could even explain it. I cant explain the thoughts going through my mind. I can't do a thing but try..
When i expressed worry to her I know she meant well. saying "It will not become too much. I appreciate your friendship, and Bebhinn's. Draw strength from having strong friends. All will be well." She is carrying a burden and she knows it but she refuses to give in. We will..I will be sure that i am available to her if ever she needs me.
Thats what friends do...Radiance of the gods. Infusion of the light of knowledge. The two things the bronze radiated. We touched it and wrongfully so as soon as our hands touched a small petal of the bloom. An attack on Caer happened. We rushed off, and I the first to die in that, trying my best to defend it...
The seal is okay thankfully but, the beams didn't hold. They are shattered....What can we do...Gods, Help us. We need to find those seals..We need to find a way to save our lands..Gods...Give me insight...Something...A vision....Let me help.....please...Just let me be able to help.
Wednesday, 05 November 2014
We are committed to improving the mind, body and soul of all kind.
As servants of the universe using energy in all its forms to help others.
To illuminate the path for all and allowing them to walk their chosen paths.
Not only embracing both our individual light, but also our darkness for we are not perfect.
Living with intention and mindfulness.
Aware of the consequence of our decisions and behavior upon ourselves and upon others.
Looking past the illusion of surrounding individuality and knowing that we are all inter-connected.
Honoring ourselves and all others for all that we are and the decisions we make.
Knowing that through collective intelligence all is possible.
That we attract to us reality that matches the energy we resonate.
To exist in harmony and collaboration.
Dedicated to improving our wisdom and abilities
So we can heal ourselves and others in whatever way we can.
I am a Cleric
Wednesday, 06 August 2014
It has been a great day, I got to catch up with my big brother Purazon today. Remembering my childhood, how he saved me.. Let me explain so i may never again forget i will always have it..
Purazon and I met first during a particularly tough demon raid when he was but a young warrior, and I was just a young girl. He taught me how to defend myself, but he found it more important that I should study and learn my true calling, so he sent me off to Branishor to study to become a cleric, a task he once sought but had never finished himself. During my studies we didn't see much of each other which made it hard. He was my only friend and the only one who watched over me, that i trusted with my whole being.
Not long after I finished my studies I was reunited with my beloved big brother, I showed him all I had learned and he then proceeded to teach me the effects of different weapons, primarily the axe. It made the transition from blade to hammer easier and from hammer to my axe even more familiar. He pushed me to learn the proper techniques to clean my weaponry and would fuss if i skipped a step or cleaned them with haste just to get to goof off. As time progressed we both grew in to our roles within Valorn and just today made it all worth it for me. He told me I made it to be a true cleric.
I cannot wait to see him once again and see what new teachings he has to offer, and perhaps steal some of his blade cleaning powder, if i dont vomit first...
That is all for now,