Create your Journal on Dark Grimoire Players Network | HOME
Destiny waits for no man.
Destiny waits for no man.
This journal is a pristine white hardback book. Its pages are gilded in silver and an elaborately decorative R resides on the front cover.
You are one of Raffe's 033568 biggest fans!

Pages filled in the past:
last days
March 2011
Entries Dated Tuesday, 15 March 2011
Sometimes I am foolish. Sometimes I am selfish. And sometimes, just sometimes... someone calls me on it.
I suppose these past several days I have been both of them.

I turned my armor into Arturon for destruction and purchased a new set from the armory in the Fortress. I am certain that I would never feel clean in that armor again. Fortunately, the goldspun was salvaged without any damage or lasting... odor. Otherwise Fleur would definitely have my head.

I had a sister once. A very long time ago. I think I only ever talked to Fleur about her. It was a very long time ago.
Azure sometimes makes me feel like I still have a sister. There’s a kind of connection that cannot be explained or understood by others. She can be so frustrating and irritating, and... as much as I hate to admit it – she was 'rifter blasted right! I have a feeling Fleur put her up to it. I don't think she would have gone into the Tombs alone to find me. She would definitely smudge my armor if she heard me say that, fearless as she is.

The darkness gets to you sometimes. I was just wishing that maybe I could do something… anything… to feel like I was making a difference. Find some sort of feeling of rightness in everything that has ever gone so wrong. She was right, after all. And it is sometimes infuriating. But it’s not her fault. There are better ways to spend my energy. I am more than a killer and it has become painfully obvious to me that killing will do little for me. The darkness makes me feel so alone. And in spite of all the light I carry with me, I will never have a permanent solution to overcoming the darkness. I have killed countless monsters, demons, and various aggressive forms of wildlife that would savor the taste of my blood and in the end the only thing changed is me.

I grow weary of the fight at times. At other times, I long to heap damage on the enemy with every thrust of my weapon. Azure spoke of the light inside of me and I suppose I lost sight of that. I’m not sure I can find it so easily anymore. I guess I just need some help sometimes. I know what Fleur would say and I can clearly picture the look on her face. It is worth it, at times, to make foolish selfish mistakes just to watch her react to my undoing.

We all have a duty, we all have love in our own way, and we must all do what we can to protect our lands and our Queen.
I may never be the best Knight in the lands. I will definitely never be the most heroic. I suppose the best I can offer is just be the best I can. I make my own mistakes and I will keep searching for my own answers. But I will do it now with fresh armor and with Sunrifter over my shoulder.

I am afraid that when I return to Fleur she will see that piece of darkness that haunts the back of my mind. I fear this war brings a coldness to the edges of our hearts that cannot be thawed by the heat of battle – no matter how hard I try. For now, I shouldn’t think too long on it. Even my journal gets tired of my unmetered thoughts.

To the Inn? Good idea, Raffe.
Raffe posted @ 17:25 - Link - comments