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The dangers seem to grow with every marc and the days are darkening from fear of the unknown.

It is with great hope that the most recent update to the Battle Orders that the lines of communication during assaults and attacks will flow more smoothly. Of course, every adventurer has their freedom of choice when it comes to how and when they report status of these raids. They were all calling for better communication, so now time will tell if this helps.

The assaults on Branishor have been most disturbing. I heard that Jensen had some trouble as well. Oddly, I ran across an Enormous Sand Beetle north of Milltown today. Why would such a seemingly mindless beast go from the beaches south of Dundee all the way to the Endless Desert? My instinct tells me it was running from something. It is one more reason to remain most vigilant.

It seems that many people are just as busy repairing the damage from the latest attacks as trying to fend them off. That is better than leaving it to remain broken, I suppose. The Gates of the Many were a huge success and set many at ease to see what we can accomplish together. Then it wasnt too long after the entrance to the rogue tunnels beneath the Iron Knight Keep was reinforced that there was more trouble and a complete collapse not much farther down. Troubles in the Magma Fissure under Dundee as well. I can only hope and pray that the gods have not turned a blind eye on our structural needs and the entire city does not fall into the pits of lava below. Surely not. Several are working on plans to repair or at least maintain what we have. I pray that Miranda smiles on their work. For me, I am a warrior and know little of such things. I would gladly help, where I could. As with the rogue tunnel reinforcement - if they need something heavy moved, it is the least I can do. Well, not the least... There is usually a good deal of fighting going on. I am much better at that.

I will need to ask Fleur what she makes of all of this. She always makes me look at things in a new light and it is then that can see the forest and the trees. I am a very lucky man to have her constant council and advice. She makes it too easy to fall in love again every time I see her. I havent heard from her since she went to visit my parents, but that is not unusual. My mother is constantly fussing about and I can only imagine what the two of them have to talk about at such lengths. I wonder if my father takes extended hunting trips when she visits without me, or if he dotes on her as well. I should like to visit soon. Perhaps when all of this settled and the Queen would not mind my taking a short leave.

I am glad to see that the Order has welcomed Cody into our ranks. With more and more patrols lately, it is good to have someone that the three of us can share the load with. He is dedicated and quite suited to the position, it seems. Although, from what I heard he has no more favor with Knight Macleon than the rest of us. Hopefully, he will be able to avoid swamp duty longer than Hojo and I did.

Note to self: Dont forget about the thistles.

It has been very hectic lately

It is hard to keep it from running all together.
Everyone was buzzing with News if Altitan. It was distracting, in hindsight. Everyone gathered on the ledge and I made it part of my regular patrols, just in case. For the most part, things have settled down there. It is nice to have the life monument back but the ledge is a lot more narrow than it used to be. As a note, the chasm is a lot more interesting from above - I do not recommend falling into it.
On the upside, all the buzz inspired Fleur into training for quite a few marcs. It was nice having her in the tombs. Much nicer than being alone down there.

And of course when all eyes were turning to Altitan, Milltown's northern gates were destroyed in a series of gruesome attacks. I do not blame them for be if afraid or unsettled, or angry or whatever they want to call it. It seems that Balthazar or whatever evil force is behind this is using Nrolav against us.

I wanted to tell them this is why we do not guard. They wouldn't have listened. I wanted to tell them that just staying at Milltown would not help. But being there seemed to make them feel better. That is the point after all, I guess. Not exactly what happens or what we are able to do in response, but how we feel about it in the end.

I should be getting back to my patrol. It was good to see the Queen returned from her journeys. She comforts the people.

The patrols are complete and my feet carry me home.
Everyone is buzzing with news of Altitan and there seems to be hope that the Giants that created those stone doors will appear - and soon. It is my hope that they will be allies and my fear that it is a potential threat to the lands. I think most feel that way. I think it's the unknown that is most frightening.

Hope is what we must cling to or we would've lost this war generations ago.

I stayed on the ledge outside the doors for a few marcs today. I was just passing through when I saw that Llyewell and Xanthias were there. I couldn't resist spending some time with old friends. Although, I must admit I prefer to do so in an Inn or someplace a little more civilized. Maybe next time... there are things I wanted to tell her but it wasnt the right time. Maybe next time.

It is time to visit the trainer again and I will have Fleur with me this time. Sometimes old habits are the best habits. I wonder what she is making of all this noise from Altitan? I wish we had more time to talk of such things lately. Instead, I seem to spend most of these past days watching her sleep or vice versa. Sometimes old habits are the worst habits. I wont wake her just now, but tomorrow we will talk of all of this. My hope will be refreshed, just as it always is when I see her smile.

It is time to visit the trainer again.

I am actually very excited. I should also upgrade my armor... or maybe I will wait on that. Ive not decided. It may be a few more days, either way. I want Fleur with me when I go. It has been a long fought victory and I want to share it with the one who loves me most in this world.

It seems like an endless cycle. Once I visit the trainer, then it will be time to resume training again. I must stay strong. There is always a stronger demon or beast lurking around every bend, it seems.

I have never enjoyed fighting alone. Perhaps a solution will present itself.

I was once very dedicated to this journal. I have found that my duties often keep my mind so occupied that I neglect a lot of things... most especially things I once loved; like writing in my journal.

I have attempted to rekindle my efforts a few times in the past, but I think this time I have found the time on a more regular basis now that someone has taken up my more time consuming duties. I wouldnt have wished it on anyone, most especially on Azure - but our fates are not our decisions.

I miss Azure, as I am sure she missed me when I was sent away for awhile. It is not really fair, but it is my turn to be home for awhile. She kept watch over the lands for a very long without me and now our fortunes are reversed. I doubt I will ever do as well at this as she did.

I just hope people will understand that she is doing something so much more important right now and that she would never abandon her lands and her Queen. Duty, that is all... duty to the lands she loves so much.

Yes, she is fine. Yes, I am certain she misses you too. Yes, I am sure she will be back as soon as she is able. Yes, I will let her know the next time I see her.

Yes, thank you for twisting the knife in my heart. Have a nice day.

Where the Ogres Pray.

There is a place where the ogre’s pray
far beneath the light of day.
There the bones are cracked and white,
and there brave warriors pale to fight,
and there to end a bloody blight,
to conquer the Ogre Chief.

Stacked around this unholy shrine
are bones of failure, left behind.
Be careful if you dare to go
to where the milky crystals grow,
and be wary if it’s fear you show
in the face of the Ogre Chief.

So if it’s his secret you seek to know
of why the clan was banished so,
and why the warriors bloodlusts grow;
the source of strife from far below
is in the prayer of the Ogre Chief.

I find my journal again right where I left it. None the worse for wear, as it happened to be shoved into the bottom of a rather full pack. I had gone for a leisurely stroll in the mountains above Branishor. All of which ended with me on my... pack. And as I laughed at myself, sitting almost humbly in that gorge, I realized the lump I felt was indeed my journal. Right where I left it. None the worse for wear.

It was very nice to see that the villagers under Caer Laleldan had become friendly and trusting. As Azure said, we will have to win this war one village at a time. I have enjoyed the time Ive been able to spend with my bondmate and my guildmates as well. It is nice that my duties no longer call me away for such lengths of time.

Like many, I am anxiously awaiting any news from Branishor. I think that may what have brought my feet in this direction. I did not linger in Branishor long, however. No sense in attempting to make any sort of inquiry at the temple. I kept on strolling until... well, rather haphazardly I admit, I came to a stop in this gorge.

I think it is time to take another trip to Ethucan. Fleur will just have to put guild business aside for awhile. We both will.
Besides, I remember the ground being much softer over there.

Note to self: Clean out this pack. It is far too heavy to begin with.

I went back to the place where I first saw her. I watched the crowds hustle and bustle about their business. I tried to remember what it felt like the first time. It was easier than I thought and I smile even now to think on it.
There is so much to remember, so much that has happened to me since I first left home to become a man. I wish I could find the portraits of my parents that I brought with me. I am certain they are around here somewhere... the exact where is always the trick. I will ask Fleur the next time I see her. She is quite adept at finding things that Ive lost.

I remember when I first got to know Azure. Truth be told, we did not get along as well back then. I didn't dislike her, but it took a very long time for her to warm up to me. Sreip helped in that regard, I think. A common ally at least. She used to constantly spout what she called 'doggerel.' It was quite endearing really. She has become a lot more lively since then... 'dashy' if I had to put a word to it and even that is a bit unnerving at times. I'm waiting for her to crash into me one day when she lets her mind wander too far from her feet. I can't remember where or how I met her exactly. In Dundee Inn, I suspect, as that is the usual meeting-of-new-people place. I still have the wooden links she carved for me. I keep them tucked away so they aren't broken when we go to battle. They remind of our narrow escape from N'rolav. And a something my Mother used to tell me, "Son, it's the bonds we make with others that speak loudest about who we really are."
Of course, she was not talking about who we forge bonds with but their strength and value.

Which brings me back to where I am standing. I remember the first time I saw Fleur here on the balcony of Caer Laleldan. And I remember thinking to myself that I might die on the spot if ever such a lovely creature looked at me with such intense love and adoration as I could see in her.

The good news is that I have not perished. And I remember every glance ever turned my way since the day we met. I just pray the gods favor me enough to make the last thing I ever see in these lands is the love light in her eyes.

Sometimes I am foolish. Sometimes I am selfish. And sometimes, just sometimes... someone calls me on it.
I suppose these past several days I have been both of them.

I turned my armor into Arturon for destruction and purchased a new set from the armory in the Fortress. I am certain that I would never feel clean in that armor again. Fortunately, the goldspun was salvaged without any damage or lasting... odor. Otherwise Fleur would definitely have my head.

I had a sister once. A very long time ago. I think I only ever talked to Fleur about her. It was a very long time ago.
Azure sometimes makes me feel like I still have a sister. There’s a kind of connection that cannot be explained or understood by others. She can be so frustrating and irritating, and... as much as I hate to admit it – she was 'rifter blasted right! I have a feeling Fleur put her up to it. I don't think she would have gone into the Tombs alone to find me. She would definitely smudge my armor if she heard me say that, fearless as she is.

The darkness gets to you sometimes. I was just wishing that maybe I could do something… anything… to feel like I was making a difference. Find some sort of feeling of rightness in everything that has ever gone so wrong. She was right, after all. And it is sometimes infuriating. But it’s not her fault. There are better ways to spend my energy. I am more than a killer and it has become painfully obvious to me that killing will do little for me. The darkness makes me feel so alone. And in spite of all the light I carry with me, I will never have a permanent solution to overcoming the darkness. I have killed countless monsters, demons, and various aggressive forms of wildlife that would savor the taste of my blood and in the end the only thing changed is me.

I grow weary of the fight at times. At other times, I long to heap damage on the enemy with every thrust of my weapon. Azure spoke of the light inside of me and I suppose I lost sight of that. I’m not sure I can find it so easily anymore. I guess I just need some help sometimes. I know what Fleur would say and I can clearly picture the look on her face. It is worth it, at times, to make foolish selfish mistakes just to watch her react to my undoing.

We all have a duty, we all have love in our own way, and we must all do what we can to protect our lands and our Queen.
I may never be the best Knight in the lands. I will definitely never be the most heroic. I suppose the best I can offer is just be the best I can. I make my own mistakes and I will keep searching for my own answers. But I will do it now with fresh armor and with Sunrifter over my shoulder.

I am afraid that when I return to Fleur she will see that piece of darkness that haunts the back of my mind. I fear this war brings a coldness to the edges of our hearts that cannot be thawed by the heat of battle – no matter how hard I try. For now, I shouldn’t think too long on it. Even my journal gets tired of my unmetered thoughts.

To the Inn? Good idea, Raffe.

Ive worn blisters on top of blisters until my hands are bleeding.
And yet, nothing makes a difference.
I can kill until there is nothing left of me.
And still, nothing makes a difference.

I think Ive lost my direction. The inky blackness of these tombs feels more like a mire than the swamps ever did. Still, here I am. Ive exhausted my supply of salves now. And all I can think about is Fleur's teasing smile and gentle touch when she heals me. I wish she were here. I wish she would never have to come here. I wish I could stay here long enough to make sure my beautiful wife never had to endure the disgust that wells up inside from just stepping in here... or ever have to face the many horrors that lie in wait in the darkest of places in these lands.

I just want to see a light in the darkness, an end of... this. I think if I sit here long enough...
If I sit here long enough...
fight here long enough...
kill enough...
It will come.

And my blood will be insignificant. The stench of this place will be forgotten, the light will press the darkness back to thin shadow, and the children of these lands will no longer live in so much fear.

I think if I fight long enough. If we all fight long enough...

I was wondering where I left this thing. Very careless of me... but I suppose I have not had a lot to write about in ages. Actually, that's not strictly true. I think I was going through a more private stage, where even telling my journal felt like betraying a trust. It happens. I'm over it.

I went into the Tomb of the High Kings today. Surprisingly I spent more than a few marcs there - Not training and not even killing to collect spoils in order to trade for something of value. I was just... killing. For no other reason than I could. Hundreds and hundreds of Tomb Wretches. As long as I could stand it. Just killing to kill. Over... and over... hack, swing, slash... bloodied carcass over bloodied carcass.

I don't feel guilty about it. I guess they deserve it. Something tells me they deserve it. Evil, vile, wretched creatures. Death is a release, a way out of their twisted malevolent existence. I hate that place. I hate those things. Things. There is no better word for them. Barely alive - certainly not living in the way we know life. Animated maybe is a better word. Enough so to be dangerous... but only to those that venture there, only to those that wish to fight them. And I did. I wanted to kill them until my body ached. I wanted to punish them for every harm or hurt that has been dealt to my family, my guild and my homeland. I wanted every strike to give me a little more release from this war and make things better. Make the days in Valorn that much brighter.

It didn't work. I left there unsatisfied. Aching, covered in gods-know-what that oozed from their rotting flesh. I may never get the stench of N'rolav off of me... or worse, I fear, there may always be a piece of that darkness inside of me. It didn't do anything. Sunrifter did not shine any brighter in Valorn when I returned home to beloved guildhall. There is no easy end to this war against evil. No way out of this curse the demon lord has placed on our lands.

I'm tired.

I will go back when I'm refreshed.
Because I can.

It's been nice to see Chanilsa and John Needles around more often these days. It gives me hope that one day my prodigal apprentice might get his ultimate weapon - but I am not holding my breath (as that can be quite dangerous for long periods of time - even if Azure's favorite color is blue, I don't think its a recommended skin tone).

The guild has grown once again and we have added Sollis to our ranks of council members. 12/22. It will be interesting to see how he comes along for a profession and he seems to be quite taken with the library. Additions to the guild always bring exciting things. I remember when I first joined - seems like forever ago now. I hesitate to look back at my journal from then. So many things change, yet in enough ways they will always be the same. I couldn't imagine my life without my family here in Valorn and everyone of them has added something valuable to it. It's good to have a home.

I think I have procrastinated about as much as I can with this journal for now and should get back to my training. I would insert a comment about the early bird... but... its not early and I eat like a bos, I'm told. At least I dont have to sharpen my Ultimate Weapon.

Its been awhile since I went exploring - and some might say that there is not much left of Valorn to explore after youve been adventuring for as long as I have (and some have been doing it for far longer than I have to be certain). But they are wrong. There is always lots to explore and even some sights to revisit as time changes the lens of our view.

So, exploring... I went into the Sea Caves. I had been there a few times before, but admittedly I had never gone any further than the first level. Im not overly fond of dark places - especially holes in the ground that seem to threaten to fill with water leaking from the walls and roof. But today I guess I was feeling a bit wreckless and decided to see for myself what was in the lower levels of the caves.

Ive battled the Sea Dwellers before: in the caves south of Dundee, when they sometimes attack Branishor, and even the Guards here in these caves near Fartown. The Leige Warriors were not too much of a surprise, being much like the other Sea Dwellers Ive encountered before - at least in the sight of them, but I have certainly never seen any as strong as these. Then the other inhabitants began to appear; drawn by the sounds of battle I suppose. The wraiths were... a surprise, but nothing I couldnt handle. They were not nearly as bone chilling as the Death Phantom. Then came the titans. Im not quite sure how those beasts came to be in the caves - or what the Sea Dwellers feed them (except the odd adventurer or sailor I would guess) - but I was certainly not prepared for the sheer massive size of it. Needless to say, I am now writing this while I recover my strength at the life monument. At least there is not very much foot traffic to see the results of my exploring.

I think I will take Azure with me next time. Perhaps between the two of us we can make our way through to see whats on the other side of those caves.

I did bring back a few souvenirs. Although I see them at the merchants quite often, I couldnt help but pick up the odd shell and gem that I found in the cave. One appears to work as a horn. Its really quite interesting. And I thought Fleur would like some of the shells. They are very pretty and its true what they say about hearing the ocean in them - but you have to close your eyes first.

Now its time to clean this salt water from my armor before it starts to get that annoying crusty appearance and I should like to have these shells cleaned up properly before I see Fleur again. I will have to try to remember my journal more often, I think. It really does help pass the time at the life monument very effectively.

Here we go again... another long stretch of marcs where I havent even thought of my journal, let alone put plume to paper. I guess things get to be too 'day to day' to write about and when they arent, Im too excited to write. One extreme to the other, I suppose. I guess that is what happens when there is a lack of drama in ones life. When there is something dramatic, I tend to forget to record my own thoughts on the matter until sometime when the timing is beyond the pale. Im sure there is a balance; at least, there once was when I wrote in my journal regularly. Now its become a lot of entries about how I never write in here any more. Ironic? I suppose. But destiny waits for no man, nor his journal.

In guild news, we've had the delight of a new applicant and seeing as she is a rather close friend of mine already, I am hoping she gets the vote. I really dont see why she wouldnt, but then I am only number 5 and there are those that come before and after me. There are Nine on our council, at the moment, and she would be Ten. Near on thirty, I believe, in our guild in total but not all see fit to take on the time consuming responsibilities of being a council member. And the non-council members have quite a solid reputation of being extremely elusive, as well as some that prefer an anonymous life. Then there are those that travel with the Murder of Crows - but they are all together their own... epic story, to be sure. Its odd to think that I started out as number nine, but have been number five for over a year now. We dont renumber our 22 often, as one could imagine that could get very tedious. I recall the first time was when Haleth resigned, then Rasurlis (who became number eight just short marcs before I was dubbed nine) and Morbius (the seventh at the time) saw fit to not return to Valorn, and that was within the first few months which brought me to number six, where I remained happily for over a year. Then it was around this time last year when Ixon left and things have been constant since.

On a personal level, things have been blissful and I remain happy. Which may be another reason I dont write as much as I once did. I talk to Fleur in place of writing all my random thoughts and feelings in my journal, and recount all of my tales of exploration to her. So, I guess I feel less of a need to talk to myself. I am sometimes still amazed at the way she loves me. I wont pretend to know why, but she does and for that I thank all the stars that shine while Sunrifter sleeps. Shes very good to me, very good for me and somehow manages to balance all of my attention seeking boyish behaviors with leading the guild and seeing to her own training. It wont be long before she will be seeking out the Mysterious Portal and complete the quest for her own Ultimate Weapon. Im very excited for her. Its been a long time coming, but she has been to the trainer many times since the last Fall Festival (and is quite a bit more diligent in her training than I am at the moment).

For my part, I remain. Carousing a bit less, fighting a bit less, preferring to spend my nights warm in my bed instead of in the cold and wild of the dark places of Valorn, but ready to answer the call of the Crier, the Order, and the Queen. Maybe I have always been soft at heart, or maybe its just been awhile since the battle bug has bitten me. There are always initiates and apprentices to mentor however. Oh, and my favorite apprentice has returned during these last few weeks. Its been good to see Daisy around with the usual bounce in her step again. Not long after returning she visited the trainer. She does me proud and I am still anxious to see her reach her full potential.

Well, enough rambling on and wasting ink for me. Sunrifter will soon rise and there is another day ahead to be conquered.


Note to self:
Answer letters, replace Fleur's ink and clean her plume before she notices.

Azure and I had the honor of escorting Cordelia on her tour of the RoK Hall. The sheer size of it is astounding! The pride they hold in their past as Kimaldians is self evident. There were many artifacts within the hall and it was decorated in the style of the old Kingdom. The flags and symbols of Kimald were regally displayed in almost every room of their grand guild hall. There are just too many rooms to name and each had a special something that set it apart from the others.
Admittedly, I was most interested in their armory and bathhouse - although the bathhouse was located too far away from the... em... shall we say... well used... training room. For my taste anyway. But its not really something that detracts from the granduer of their home. I was a bit disturbed by the Growlery, but from what I know of Thorne it seemed fitting enough. All in all, it was definitely a peice of lost Kimald - except for the statues of Deek and Cordelia - there was no other sign or of Valorn to be found.
Cordelia seemed to enjoy her time there. She has expressed how important it is to her to get to know every part of the lands; the guilds being a very large facet of it.
It will be nice to get the chance to visit again some time.

I should find Azure today and maybe get in some training. It is almost time to take the trip home to visit my parents.

It was her birthday not long past. I know how she doesnt enjoy large celebrations and of course no one wants reminders of getting old. But its not really about that - not really. Its about celebrating who she is and for my part, what she means to me. We had a quiet celebration near Caernivale. I made her dinner and a cake. Cooking is not something I do often, but thanks to my mother's early teachings I like to think it turned out fairly well - at least, she didnt seem to mind one bit. I skipped the singing part also, I think I did quite enough of that at the Idol competition. I may never hear the last of it but Im sure that will be my last public display of singing.

Speaking of my mother, we are planning to go visit my parents soon. There are still a lot of preparations and we are planning on taking the twins with us. My mother will be very, very excited. I just know she will adore Fleur. Of course, that goes without saying about the children. They are getting bigger every day. I think they will enjoy the trip and time out of school. I am certain Fleur will enjoy having them to herself for awhile as well. It should be good. Although, it seems she is a bit nervous about meeting my parents. I guess I would be the same about meeting hers. Azure made us promise to not be gone long - rosters and all to maintain. I think thats her way of saying she will miss us. Even went as far as planting a conspiracy in Fleur's head of ways to cut the trip short if needed. Silly Knight. We will come back, as always.

Training wears on day to day. It would be nice to visit the trainer again soon with Fleur. The Demon Lord seems to be getting more bold in his advances, so best to be on our guard as much as possible. Cordelia has returned from her trip as well - which could be what has prompted Balthazars increased raiding. Its good to see she is well, but I never had a doubt of that. One thing about our Queen is that she was an Iron Knight first and while she is owed our allegiance, to our very last breath, she is in no way helpless.

Plans to finalize and packing to get done. I will have to remember to write about our trip as we go.

The party last night was brilliant. A fancy dinner with fancy toga dress - at least, fancy for Valorn, although we are seeing more toga's around now that the trade is solid between our land and Ethucan. The food was delicious, the servers attentive, and the entertainment superb! Topaz recited a rhyme about the opening of the Doorway to commemorate the event - that was the reason for the manner of dress and the meal, to celebrate the truce and AVE's 4th anniversary. Even the understudy of that Murder of Crows fellow was really rather amusing - had a hard act to follow, coming up right after Thorin and Ba-Ku's gladiator vs demon bout. I was out of my seat for most of the mocked battle and enjoyed getting into the action - even if I did lose my head for a few moments and Fleur had to remind me to calm down a bit. It was very well done, hard to tell it was faked in fact! All around brilliant!

Fleur often wears a toga, I have to admit I quite like it. I still much prefer trousers but it was alright to dress in a wrapped up dress for one evening, I suppose. Not that I dont like visiting Ethucan. I just like my trousers.

Weve taken on another in Twenty Two - Abalan. Nice fellow, but not for the council just yet. Unnumbered for the moment, but just as important. Its good to see Urkki lively again and busy with an apprentice really.

The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same.

I was remembering the other day of my first trip to the temple, when Steelton showed me the path of the warrior. Its been on my mind, as many of paths we take seem to go in unintended directions. When I was younger, I dreamed of glory and honor and epic battles and all of the things that I thought made a warrior great. A fine weapon, sturdy armor, and countless notches in my belt for many hundreds of demons slain by my sword. I looked up to Steelton, Islander, Topaz, and several other warriors I saw returning from uncounted battles - telling tales of beasts so vicious that it would seem a miracle they returned alive, if at all. I was young and had not seen much of world, until the time came for my parents to send me out into the world to seek my own destiny.

I have been seeking it ever since. I have found love and friendship, trials and failure, loneliness and hardship, warmth and compassion. Many things I had not intended to be part of this warriors destiny. Many people became friends who I saw as legends and many I saw as friends become legends themselves. So this is my destiny, as I live it day to day. Now an Iron Knight, now a husband, guild officer and friend to many whom Ive had the good fortune of coming to know so well.

I sometimes think about my apprentices - John Needles the first, who suffered from my inexperience as a mentor but survived none the worse for the wear. My hidden apprentice. He does show his face from time to time, although usually it is relaxing under an apple tree in the guild's Orchard. He developed quite a taste for Cider and longs for the days when the taverns will begin offering it on their menus once more. Brakkus who had a promising future, but wandered off into oblivion as many adventurers do - lost or perhaps dead, but I like to think he settled down and put his sword away in favor of a peaceful life. Finally, my last apprentice Daisy. Another very unexpected path in my life. She is well, however. I saw her recently in our Orchard. It is good to see that she did not stay away forever after returning home to help her family with their troubles. She has grown in many ways since I last saw her and I hear she has recovered the bounce in her step. For my part, our personal relationship ended as it needed to. I admit to learning alot about myself during that time and I was happy. But retracing old scars really has no use, not even in this one place I have for my own reflections. I am still her mentor and both of our lives have moved on as they should.

There are more important things in life, as I have said many times, than how many battles a man has fought or how many apprentices carry his knowledge forth in the lands. On a different note, our guild is growing and there is a lot of potential in the newer members and current applicants. We have a rogue in our midsts once more. Which almost seems ironic, considering other things... but it has been a very long time since one was counted among the Twenty Two. Zayne has already caught the interest of many people and he is lucky to have such a sponsor and mentor as Starling to show him the ways. But a rogue is still a rogue, no matter how you dress them.

I suppose this journal will be my memories when I am too old to remember. I need to do a better job of keeping track of it and not be so busy in my day to day life that I forget - there is always a future and the past will always be part of that.

Fleur is sleeping now as I find this quiet time to reflect on my many thoughts these past few days. I am very lucky and although I shouldnt ever need to remind myself of that, I should never forget. Even in my mistakes she finds the part of me that is better than the sum of my failures. And in my triumphs and achievements she keeps me grounded, focused on the important aspects of life that are not all fleeting glory. She makes me truly a happier, whole man... even if she does make light of the fact that my lack of training has softened me in places.

I am not old yet, but when I am I should like a different life. And I think that one day none of these reflections will matter more than an interesting bit of personal history. Until then, there are always troubles on the horizon. Even with our gods and goddesses watching over us, the struggle against the Demon Lords evils continues and I still play my part. It is my destiny and it finds me every day with the criers call. I still want to take a holiday to Ethucan, but there is much to be done before that day comes. Training at hand that cannot be put on hold and promises to fulfill.

I am looking forward now and I think I am quite finished looking back.

I suppose it is my own fault. My fault for making such a mess of the library so many months ago. My fault for shelving my journal behind often forgotten books - leaving it to be forgotten as well. But here it is. Where it has been for many months now and in the same perfect condition as I left it. Its my own fault for not writing in my journal for so long, but I had not been in the habit of writing as I used to.

No sense in attempting to catch up on months gone past.
It's almost spring now and for once it doesn't seem like the winter has left such a cold scar on the world. Life goes on in Valorn, no matter the season, I suppose. And life keeps us all busy - defending the many raids that have been coming at the most random times and often not allowing much of a rest between. It's always reassuring to see Azure's blue hat dashing to and from the raids, in and out of the Inn, and still having time to stop long enough for a cheerful hello. There are more than a few dedicated defenders of Valorn and Valorn is lucky to have them. If anything could bring light back to every dark corner of the lands, it is definitely the will of its people to do good.

My own training has come to a halt, although it is only temporary, but I have been enjoying escorting Fleur to the trainer these many times in the past two months. She makes me proud with every turn of the marc - one could not ask for a better guild leader, charitable and thoughtful friend, or loving and tender companion. It still amazes me to think how our relationship has changed since the first time I met her in Dundee Inn, but such is fate - and it has been far too long since that meeting to recount its many twists and turns. But here we are and here we will remain.

I saw Ixon in the Inn today. I probably shouldnt have said those things to him and left him to his... whatever it was... nostalgia, I think he called it. Fleur won't be happy with me. At. All. Many people seem happy to see him return and for my part I don't wish him ill, but that doesn't mean I am happy to see him talk about having no friends and caring about nothing more than his artifacts - he forgets his children and I think that would hurt Fleur most. Even more than the implication that he never cared about her. So call me irrational, or protective, or foolish... but I did walk away in the end and I do know I should have just left him to his... whatever he calls it. Nostalgia.

A trip to Ethucan is overdue. I am very fond of the fountain in the Memorial Park.

Well, its back to N'rolav for me - I hear the Dundee there is being overran by horrors again. Not enough hunters to keep them in check, I suppose. Its not so bad really. Not nearly as bad as the tombs or the spider caves. Ick.

I had an interesting discussion with Hojo. Seems he has a learning disability or something - cant hold his sword properly anymore and needs some intense training that isnt offered by the usual trainers at the towns. He mentioned getting Patton to help. I certainly wish him the best of luck. Unwilling to advance your training is one thing, there are always reasons people have for staying where they are... certainly nothing wrong with that. But unable is a whole different matter. Troublesome, but I am sure he will get himself sorted out.

Azure is salivating for another party. I swear that woman is a born carouser. Luckily, she avoids the brew or I have a feeling she would be doing more than my share of Swamp Duty. She also has a penchant for getting otherwise respectable men into ale dunking tanks - something to be said there I think, but will leave it for another to say this time. It really is a good idea though, her planned gathering. Perhaps with the right timing it will be the most successful of all her endeavors - although some of her past shindigs will be hard to beat.

The sun is rising, Fleur is stirring, and I am ravenously hungry again. Time to see to the appetite and start the day off right.

I am getting the hang of hunting in the Granite Spires. I can't say I am very fond of the terrain. I used to find some affinity with the rocky, barren land of the mountains and quite enjoy finding the places where echoes called back to me from forever. Now, I am just not very happy when I am out there alone. At one time, the sound of my blade whistling through the air and the humming of my blood rushing in my ears were enough to keep me company for marcs upon marcs while I hunted and trained.
Things have definitely changed.
I wonder if everyone feels it after awhile - the loneliness that creeps in like rain soaking you to the bone. I know that I feel it more and more when I am away from her for a long time and it seems I only feel real warmth when her smile is turned my way.
I train and I hunt. I try to do so while she sleeps and I look forward to the time we get together - there has not been a day when she hasnt been by my side and I want to keep it that way.
I have ventured into the Sea Caves, but not far. I am not fond of those caves as there seems to be a rather dire risk of becoming as drowned as the sailors that still haunt the area. I cant say I am looking forward to eventually hunting in the Dead Zone - and in fact, the more I think about it, the more I am enjoying the somewhat desolate but certainly open and crisp atmosphere of the crags. No hurry to the trainer, I think.
Unless she comes with me.

Reminder to self:
Retreating is useless without the administration of health potions.

Too many marcs to count.

That was the thought in my head when I opened my journal.
How long has it been since I have written? Too many marcs to count.
How much of my life has been recorded here? Too many marcs to count.
How much more is untold, remembered only by the landscape that bears witness to much more than will ever be spoken of aloud? Too many marcs to count.

So, who's counting?

The Fall Festival has been wonderful this year. Although, I wished I would have been lucky enough to find a Masked Bandito costume again. Fleur has been sporting some highly fashionable pirate wear - and I certainly cannot complain. The Festival is always a time for the unepexted and this year has been different than those past - including the appearance of a certain jovial, bouncing fruit: The Great Korunga. I havent met him, personally, but Ive been hearing a lot about him. Especially from Azure and Agua and there seems to be some sort of gala planned for commemoration of the gods mysterious messenger.

Mere asked me the most oddest of questions recently: Do you feel like a warrior?
Thought provoking, certainly, and more complex than the simplicity of the stated words. What should it feel like to be a warrior? Does one feel their profession? Or is it a way of life, more than a skill set that is passed on? Well, I didnt bore her with all my own thoughts of how one might come to ask if someone feels like a warrior and I did answer her with the closest approximation of my understanding.

I guess the question also reminded me of how others view warriors... and also of the many comments that I receive relative to how often I train or farm. Or rather, my lack of recent visits to the trainer. The simple truth of it is this:
There comes a point in every one's life where they find something worth fighting for, something worth dieing for, and something worth living for.
I have fought, I have felt death, and now I simply want to live. The first two are inevitable, they will happen again - but you only get one chance at truly living.

So it may not make sense to anyone else - but she makes the world right for me and more than anything, thats worth living for. All of the fighting and the dieing, even in the greatest of victories, could never make up for even a moment left to spoil when I could be making her smile. And when I fight, I am stronger than ever because I have her to live for.

Note to self:
Shortening the straps on Azures armor has gone unnoticed. She must think she has grown taller. Another tactic is needed. Remember to talk to Patton about acquiring some of his pulverized thistle needles .

So, here goes. Im holding my breath again and I am more than a little nervous.

I know she still has so much to deal with. So do I, really. But I have always been comforted by her presence, and spending so much together recently seems only natural. Who better to understand? Who better to not 'notice', but know all the right things to say?

I am always on the verge of doing something rather foolish - whether its taking a bite of a demon heart, to stepping beyond the boundaries of friendship with a rather embarrassing public display. In both instances, I was defending my own.. um.. ability... oh, alright. I was being foolish.

So, I decided that I should do things properly. Afterall, we have been very close friends for such a very long time. A proper apology, a proper request, properly accompanied by flowers and more than small dose of humility on my part. She doesnt make things easy for me, she never has. I guess... no, I know... I have always admired that about her.

I have the blessing of the guild, at least - nothing matters more than family in the end. I am not publicly declaring a burning, undeniable love for her. I am just looking for the chance to find out if destiny has something more in store for us. I want the chance to make her smile, to see her eyes light up when I surprise her with something unexpected, I want that rushing, tingling feeling when she brushes my hand accidentally... only, I dont want it to be an accident.

So, here goes. Im holding my breath again and I am more than a little nervous.

I was reading through my journal this morning and realized just how many pages I have filled with my thoughts, recollections of my deeds, and events in my life. Its most strange to read back through the time archived here. The life of a single man, and in part, all of those that have touched me. My guild has grown and changed considerably since I joined. It is amazing to see the difference, but we are livelier than every and preparing to build an addition to our all once more. But its not the change in the guild that is most noted, it is the changes in myself. I was so... single minded when I first began writing this journal. I was destined to be a warrior and felt that honor on the battlefield and glory through courageous deeds will fill my life with all that I could ever hope for. Then... I discovered love. That four letter word that gets under your skin like nothing else. I pursued Haleth with dedicated single mindedness. She was a mystery to be solved and I wanted to know more, always more. Just as I was telling Fleur recently, I always always get what I want. One way or another... patience is one of my strongest suits, I will wait out just about any challenge until timing is suitably in my favor, if I need to. I am not afraid to reach for what I want, to ... as one put it... 'offer myself to the alter of fate' to achieve my goals. So, it was Haleth I wanted, Haleth I loved and Haleth was mine in the end. She never really stood a fair chance, but I do really like to think I made her very happy. Our life together was often filled with strained absences and near missed opportunities to see each other, but there was happiness, love, and there will always be memories.
I think that was the first change. Then when she
I dont like completing that sentence. I never have.
Then there was Daisy. Such purity and brightness. She looked to me as her protector and mentor. We became so close, so quickly that it sometimes baffles me. I have never, and I am certain that I will never, know another like her. She showed me the youthful strength of the heart. She loved me past my pain and I found myself falling in love again. There was something captivating about Daisy that I just cant explain. There still is. I cant deny that, but for all the hope, tenderness, understanding, and love that she gave me... for all that she showed me what it could be like to be whole again... I was, perhaps, wrong in my caging of her as mine. Maybe thats not quite the right way to say it. I am certain we were meant to be together. I am certain that I needed her in my life, and I still do, just differently now. I am sure that we were destined to be together - for very certain reasons. I know what many thought about our relationship in the beginning and I protested with every breath in me that they were wrong... and I am in no way saying they were right either. They simply had no way of understanding or knowing... or ever seeing my private struggles with grief and despair, and trying to find my way back to being myself again. I guess pain and my own unhappiness are not things I have ever been very good at expressing or dealing with. It was Daisy, and at times Fleur, that I leaned on. I know my friends offered and I talked with a few of them; but I cant turn myself inside out for just anyone - I found myself easily doing just that with Daisy. Even my journal was woefully neglected. And... so it was with Daisy. I think we both learned a lot more than we could have ever imagined and letting her go is going to hurt for a very long time. But I know in the end, what I did was right and for all the promises I made, the most important was to love her. And I do love her more than myself, so all my selfishness aside... Daisies deserve their time in the sunlight, not in hidden away from the world under a shadow.

So, here I am. I dont regret my decision. I wont be wallowing in self pity and no one will ever find me stropping about the towns or glowering spitefully at happy couples. I think maybe Destiny has had a plan for me all along. Maybe my path has been winding its way through the usual ups and downs, twists and turns, even a few backtracking places... only to test me, teach me, prepare me for where I am today. Yes, I am rather certain that is it. Everything that happens, happens for a reason... and usually that reason to take you to the place you need to be. So, looking back through all of the pages - one coming before another for the very same reason that Sunrifter must set before it may rise again, bringing each new day in its sequence - I realize the greatest lesson you can ever learn is to love and be love in return.

2 levels. Its been a very good two levels. They have passed quickly in the company of Fleur - whom I havent seen train so vigorously since the day we met. Of course, I think the friendly forfeits may be something of an encouragement for her. Then again, if she continues to win... I may not have a shred of dignity left to wager!

There is nothing more humbling than losing a test of strength and skill to a cleric... a girl at that!

Ah, well... what am I to say? Its Fleur. I guess I dont really mind so much. I quite like the challenges she presents.

We talked, as I suppose adults are supposed to do. Azure told me she had shut herself away in her room since the night I told her things couldnt go on the way they were. I think that someday she will fully understand. I hope that one day I will too. There is Right and there is Wrong, understanding doesnt really make the difference. What I did was right. She needs her freedom, needs to be herself, and not be held in the shadow of being merely my wife. Daisy will be, as I always said, one of the greatest warriors Valorn has ever known. I will see to that. I am still so very proud of her.

We talked and it was so very good to see her. Shes changed, but she is alright really. I guess I cant expect anything less. I never thought I would see such pain in those soft brown eyes, pain that I put there. But it really is for the best... it really is. Eventually, she regained some of the bounce in her step when she left. I was glad to see that, inspite of that slight sting left behind at her parting. She will always be an important part of my life and in some ways, I hope she will always need me as part of hers.

Daisy. Not my Daisy anymore. No longer purely bright eyed and full of wonder... a bit harder now, cynical in some ways that I have a feeling she will never forgive me for. But maybe this was all part of it, maybe I was meant to teach her to guard her heart as well. She is strong and will be stronger still... I just know it.

I may one day regret not keeping better track of the past months. Time has a way of multiplying, until one day tomorrow is everyday of the week and nothing that was meant has come to pass and everything that was avoided is all that is waiting.

Ah well... I may one day regret not keeping better track of the past months. But the truth is that I did not; for whatever my reasons, I would soon forget anyway. There are things to come to pass in one's lifetime that are expected - everyone lives and everyone dies and everything between tends to follow a certain pattern. There are ups and downs and everything between. Too many mundanes to name, too many mysteries to explain... and it seems there are but few certainties in life, yet even still there is always love, always hope. And even within broken promises there are pieces that aren't so bad, pieces that can be dusted off and put back together to make something different, something new, and if you are lucky something that stays together better the next time around - a better promise, perhaps. And memories worth keeping.

So here I am in Fleur's once more, journal across my lap and brewsky in my hand, as I try to put down into words these thoughts. I havent been able to make much sense to myself, let alone tried to talk to many others. There is one, however. There has always been the One. Fleur. Fleur, whom I have adored since first picking up a sword and charging into the fray with dreams of glory and honor. It was Fleur that guided me to finding my path with gently prodding questions of my dreams and fears. There has always been Fleur to turn to when I couldnt make sense of things, Fleur that asked the sensible questions, the ones that were so honest it hurt, the ones that needed to be asked - not always expecting them to be answered, just asked. I have always depended on her strength, her candor, her way of seeing straight through me. I have always admired her tenacity and even through her own trials - she has never shyed away from me or let me ever doubt there was room for me in her busy day. Its difficult to remember what life was like before the Twenty Two, before Fleur.

These past months have been difficult for her. I have never seen such loneliness or such sorrow. I told her I would see her smile again, and however fleeting the moments may have seemed, the Ethucan sun saw her smiling once more. I am well aware that you cannot truly escape your troubles by simply putting a distance between them, but it was so very nice to find a place where no one knew our names. For just awhile... just for a time... be completely lost, swallowed up by the crowds of strangers in strange clothes in the busy markets;or lay out in the cool grass, watching the clouds that didnt know they were being watched, to enjoy a leisurely meal; anything that was as far from responsible as one could get. And without the pressures of our every day, it was easy for me to turn to her, to lay down all these mantles and pressures and appearances and .. just.. be. In someways stepping through that Doorway was like stepping into a dream. Aware, but not awake.

But the return to reality was certain in its arrival with a reminder of responsibility and that there are other important things - like friends that need us, as much as we needed to get away. It was time to come home and there will be other times to escape again, when the world and all of its weight seem like too much, there will still be dreams waiting on the other side of the Doorway. Dreams of peace, where childrens laughter echoes more often than the criers call and nothing is more important than sweetrolls.

Maybe Ethucan could use another Royal Guard.

Well, I guess I have let this journal collect enough dust to classify it almost an antique. It’s been quite sometime since I have taken the opportunity to sit down and write about my journeys in this life, but it isn’t for the lack of anything to write about. Quite the contrary, there has been so much to write about that I am afraid that I had been so involved in doing that recording didn’t take precedence. Now, to begin again.

My Daisy. Our relationship has deepened as our time together as a bonded couple has passed. I must admit that I feel an aching loss when she is not near. She completes a part of me that I had not realized was missing. The times we must spend apart only serves to highlight the sense of completion I feel when we are together. Not to sound disdainful of the duties that demand our parting (however brief), or to be misunderstood as a pining heartsick fool that does nothing more than sit around daydreaming of his dearest love… ah, well… maybe that is case. I do love her so and there has never been a day created that isn’t better for having my Daisy near. There is always so much to learn from each other and it is deeply satisfying to know that these lessons deepen our appreciation for one another and for the bond that we share. Yes, satisfying is certainly a good way to describe it. She has continued her training, although mine has become somewhat lax. I am so very proud of how far she has come and of the discipline I see in her as she strives to better herself. She is my Daisy and I have never felt so fortunate as to find a perfectly suited match for me, in passion for life, love, and defending these lands we hold dear.

I have trained somewhat infrequently since my latest entry. I have gained another level and finished the quest to defeat the Blood Demon with the help of Urkki and encouraging friendship of Azure. It was quite amazing really, as fond as I am of endlessly dark places… I certainly won’t be going back.

On a more recent (and certainly more cheerful note than howling abysses under the Dundee Inn) Cordelia came to visit our guildhall. An official visit to start off her tour of the various guild locations around Valorn, as I understand, beginning with our own because we won the earlier contest for helpfulness. It was really quite an honor and pleasant experience to pass the time in the company of my guildmates and Queen. Unfortunately, I had to retire for the evening before the entire visit was completed. Fleur performed an impromptu song for the Queen, accompanied by Korrith on his zither. I am told it was quite spectacular and Im not in the least surprised. I am certainly blessed with exquisitely talented guildmates, all of them add something very special to the guild and it makes me very proud to be counted among the legendary 22.

I would like to take Daisy shopping in Ethucan. I think soon. Ive been farming to save up enough plat to make it a special occasion, as I have never been very good at holding on to money very well - this is going to be quite a feat. Azure was kind of to attempt to sneak a few doorway crystals into my pack when I wasn’t looking. I didn’t say anything then, as she was trying very hard to be sneaky… which I should say is quite difficult in this clanky bit of armor we Knights wear, but a valiant effort from my friend so I didn’t point out her obvious un-rogueish success. Admittedly, I gave one to Korrith because he seemed very excited to go to Ethucan. Now, he is stuck there as I had assumed he knew he would need another to return. Well, a bit more farming should save enough to buy another crystal when I am there to return the cheeky cleric to his normal haunts of the Dundee Inn.

That may have to wait a few more days, however. Farming is very tedious work… and there are lessons for Daisy I feel are more important at the moment. She is a very fast learner and as I mentioned (although quite accidentally) to Cordelia, Daisy has quite an insatiable appetite. She is without a doubt the most gratifying apprentice any teacher could ask for: attentive and mindful, and takes correction very well once the mistakes are irrefutably pointed out. While I do admire the strong stubborn streak she has and adore her sense of pride (that many cannot see beyond her sense of shyness in public), it is fortunate they do not seem to interfere with her training as they could be serious detractors… and actually seem to balance in such a way that they drive her to push her limits quite satisfactorily and successfully.

That does not quite catch up on everything I havent written about, but its a start. I will write more as I have time. I could probably fill up many of these pages during the times I watch Daisy sleep peacefully, but its oh so nice to just sit and watch over her dreams.

Things are settled with Azure. It’s amazing how mammoth a small misunderstanding can seem in the heat of the moment. I think that we both reacted so harshly because… well… because we such close friends. Truthfully, I think we are closer now for it and understand each other all the better. Granted she will continue to be a frustrating pain in the armor from time to time, I wouldn’t choose anyone else to be in her place.

Daisy and I spent some much needed time together, as well, lately. It is sometimes difficult and often very tedious to balance the weight of all of my various duties, and keep plenty of time for my personal life. All work and no play makes … Well, tends to make me more than a little irritable when I don’t take time to enjoy the things I love the most. A good lesson learned, over all, and one that will not soon be forgotten – for both the pleasure and pain of it.

I am almost ready to take on the Blood Demon. A bit more training, I think, and one more visit to the trainer – and perhaps take Daisy again as well. I am told that the blood of that demon is very powerful, but the quest can be quite daunting if you aren’t very careful. I am looking forward to the challenge and like most challenging endeavors, I like to take my time preparing so that my efforts do not go unrewarded and I will have, at the very least, the satisfaction of knowing I have given myself entirely to its completion.

Maybe my luck will turn and I will come across one of those Amulets of the Order. I would very much like to examine one up close.