After weeks of hanging out in Dundee I know I will soon have to make my way back to Fartown and work on my training. It will not be easy to pry myself away again but it is for the best. In the mean time I will meditate at the temple and ask the gods for the strength I will need to continue on toward my goal.

The other day, I was sitting in the Dundee inn half listening to the conversations buzzing around me when I spotted a faint carving on the table in front of me. It seems a lifetime ago since we sat in these very chairs laughing and drinking ale. She always had a way with words that could bring a smile to my face. I could have never trained again and been happy if only I could sit and stare into her warm eyes, her near perfect face. as our lives grew in different directions the distance between us grew physically but my heart still longs for her.

Last I heard she was very sick. It is possible that she will never return to Valorn. While I have accepted the fact that I must move on in my life I still feel the sorrow deep in my soul of loosing someone so incredible.

While I sit here in the relative quiet of the HoL library I can’t help but think that something will come along and fill the void. My research has not done so, training and farming can only satisfy me for a moment’s time.

~’|’~

I have been made an apprentice in AVE. I remember my first journey through their ranks long ago. I’m sure this time will be just as hard if not more so than last. I do not expect them to go easy on me. I now feel my reasons for leaving the guild last time were selfish. There’s no other way to put it.

In a way I felt like leaving and starting my own guild was going to fill my time and take away my pain. When I found that it did not fill my void I longed to disband the guild and go back to my rightful place at AVE. It is unclear to me why I made the decisions I made at that time but at least I’m on the right path now.

~’|’~

Once when I was little I was out running in a field. It wasn’t long before I tripped and fell hard to the ground. My chest hit the ground squarely and I was lost on the moment. My lungs felt heavy and I was gasping for breath. I tried to bring myself up with my arms but it was as if my body mass has tripled and I could hardly lift my head. After a few minutes of gasping I was able to catch my breath and I slowly got up and made my way back to the house.

I told my father what happened and he chuckled lightly. He told me I knocked the wind out of myself. Nothing was broken. The soreness would go away soon. I told him of how I could not breathe and that I felt heavy. He said the best thing to do in that situation is to roll over, take the weight off my chest and wait it out.

The next time it happened I used what strength I had to roll my self over and instead of the dark dust ground and the panicked heavy feeling I saw the open sky and felt relief as I took the weight off of my chest. I was able to breath and laid there for a few minutes actually amused by the simplicity of the solution.

At times when life seems it toughest I remember this lesson and I remember that in the darkest most painful moments of my life, the best thing I can do is get the weight off my chest and gain a new perspective.