A beautifully bound leather book the ornate and gold-edging decorating this journals outer covering looks to be from another time and place. Several pages are stuffed inside the book as if she will not write on the actual book. Upon opening, the first added page reads... These are the personal accounts and wanderings of Lavender Cecilia Morgan.
Thursday, 25 February 2021
He saw, he really saw and understood! He saw my fears, my worries, my anxiety and knew I was starting to pull away. And instead of getting upset and complaining about it he just took me in his arms and held me. We didn't talk, he just held me close, then with great gentleness he guided me to laying down beside him, and we just laid there, and I listened to his heart beating, he rubbed my back until I fell asleep again. Dare I say.. I might actually be falling for him? Too soon to tell though, but after the panic attack subsided I find myself light hearted, able to smile and breath again. Until next time.
Lavender 21:21 - Link
Wednesday, 24 February 2021
That age old anxiety, that makes me want to pull away is rearing it's ugly head again. And the one I am with has done nothing to warrant it! Why oh why is being with someone I care about so freaking hard! Hopefully he understands my trepidation has nothing to do with him.. but is something broken inside me. Something, that may never be fixed. I am broken, hopelessly flawed. Behind my calm exterior, beautiful features, and abundant helpfulness... I am nothing but a broken, scarred, and scared girl.
Lavender 08:20 - Link
Thursday, 04 February 2021
Well, I've taken that step again, a long time friend asked me to be his.. he's made a great many promises as I did tell him my past and how I am terrified, because I've hurt so many others because of the fact I have trouble letting people close, or I push them away when they finally do get close. I don't mean to. But he promised to take it slow, and to stick around even if I pull away. I'm so very scared as I have heard that promise before and it was not kept. But he gave me a ring and a promise to stay, to wait patiently when I pull away, and be my haven when I come back to him. We will see... I'm scared to hope.. yet I find it blooming in me again.
Lavender 09:10 - Link