A beautifully bound leather book the ornate and gold-edging decorating this journals outer covering looks to be from another time and place.
Several pages are stuffed inside the book as if she will not write on the actual book. Upon opening, the first added page reads... These are the personal accounts and wanderings of Lavender Cecilia Morgan.
Wednesday, 19 February 2020
A memory was pulled from my mind today... but not a memory if that makes any sense. More a feeling... a search that is never fulfilled.
Lavender 21:00 - Link
Saturday, 08 February 2020
It is not often that someone surprises me. Usually I can read someones intentions before they plan to do something.. but tonight I found myself completely taken by surprise, more then once.. by the same person! I hope it happens again.
Lavender 23:33 - Link
Wednesday, 22 January 2020
I remember once telling someone that being around them calmed the storm that raged inside my mind, and one day them telling me I would have to find my own calm. It's been many turns since I finally found it, an acceptance that calmed everything in side my mind, heart, and soul. It's been a long time coming but I'm glad I've finally found it, perhaps now I can truly live again.
Lavender 21:55 - Link
Sunday, 12 January 2020
Peace is such a rare thing in my life. Always obsessing over one thing or another... or frantically trying to figure out my life and change it instead of accepting things as they are. I am not looking for something else, or dreaming of being with someone to take away the loneliness I've felt all my life.. amazingly that feeling left not long after I stopped looking and a peace settled. The past cycle has been insightful and peaceful as I finally accepted my life as it is, gods how I wish I had learned to accept things long, long ago. But I will not agonize on the past, as I've accepted it as as if it were a school master, teaching me hard lessons I needed to learn. Now I go forth into the future, hopefully wiser and happier then before.
Lavender 20:44 - Link
Tuesday, 07 January 2020
It's been an amazing, and insightful turn. Got to talk to my best friend, the things he said about past events, at the time of the events... made no sense, but amazingly now they do. Perhaps this means I have grown...matured beyond what I was then.
Lavender 21:10 - Link
Saturday, 04 January 2020
Some turns are so hard, some like today I feel okay with my lot in life. I know where my heart is, and that it will never allow me to settle for less then someone similar. And while occasionally loneliness overcomes me, lately I am grateful for my stubborn heart not letting me settle just because I'm lonely. No one should settle for more then their dreams. Because they can be obtainable if one has faith and a great deal of patience. I am grateful for my past, it has taught me a great deal... About myself. And I actually look forward to what the future has to teach me, because it is when we stop learning, that we stop living.
Lavender 16:16 - Link
Tuesday, 26 November 2019
So many see me as a confident, mighty enchantress, and while yes I am strong in the magical arts I've learned.. no one sees the shy girl I once was...the girl I still am. I may have grown use to crowds now, no longer do I run from places that have more then five or six people like I did in my initiate days, no more am I the girl who would bow out of conversation without speaking when surrounded by too many. I've grown. But, a part of me is still very private and longs for someone I can go home to, someone who knows the flashy, mighty side of being a powerful enchantress is not who I am. Someone calm, confident in their own self worth and place. Who could be the calm I can find when the world seems like a raging storm around me.
Lavender 00:28 - Link
Sunday, 24 November 2019
Found myself contemplating again, and the feeling of loneliness crept in again. Why I don't understand. I love helping others, I've got a wonderful group of friends and a family I adore. So why is it I can not allow myself to grow close to someone who might end the loneliness. It has always been with me from my childhood, and every time someone gets close, I end up hurting them.. or run away, and find myself alone all over again. I wish I could talk to my best friend again, like we use to in the old days before everything went wrong. I could use his advice, even if I know he's just going to tell me what I already know, that this is something I have to figure out and fix. This time I was accused of not wanting to fix it... Might that be true? I pray to the gods that isn't true, but for all the knowledge I've gained, for every battle I've ever won... This one, this internal battle.. seems I am my own worst enemy, keeping from my self the very thing I desire most. I wish I knew what to do.
Lavender 23:11 - Link
Saturday, 23 November 2019
It's been quite entertaining being a zombie this year, Low even screamed and tried to rebury me as he seems to have thought I was a real zombie.
Lavender 14:19 - Link
Wednesday, 20 November 2019
Dressed as a zombie this year, and so far it has been quite a bit of fun even if I am not awake as much as I wish I could be. A graveyard was opened for the season the keeper Tobias seems very kind, and doesn't seem to mind my "Lurking" around. I managed to scare a few people and got a chuckle, even had people scream and throw candy at me! That was a delicious turn much better then brains. Though the graveyard does worry me a bit, not enough to keep me from having a bit of fun.
Lavender 08:27 - Link