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Mephisto musings
Mephisto musings
Where I come to think...
Wednesday, 29 July 2015
I was shocked on my arrival...the farm my father had tried to build in the new land was failing.even before my mothers illness they'd been struggling...only one of my sisters had stayed behind when mother fell Ill and all the rest had go off to seek work to help support the family...even my sisters, off to the Mills and shops and local tradespeople . The land here was unfamiliar to father and he lost a lot the first planting season ...when mother fell I'll he became withdrawn...my sister whispered to me if long quiet hours in the barn, him eating little and hovering over mothers bedside wringing his hands.
Father and I were never close...and I am finding myself in a difficult place...I want to be there for my mother...but also to help fathet...I just don't know how. ..I think perhaps I will try consulting with neighbors to try and figure out the trouble. ..I have a little coin I can help to get him started if he will accept anything from me...it seems he needs me more that mother. I kiss her fevered brow, tell her I love her each night and she gives the tightest pained smile and tells me to take care of father in a barely audible whisper...she is in so much paib...and still she worries over the family...I just hope I CAN help. ..*frowns his eyes going faraway * I pray my love is finding peace and laughter among friends, my thoughts ever retro to her when I am at rest..I miss her dearly. ..I hope peace finds both my parents soon.u just hope i cAn help...*bites his lip, rifling back his golden hair*
Mephisto posted @ 19:50 - Link - comments
Sunday, 26 July 2015
More of a wind blowing through than a statue...I received troubling news from my family, of my mother ailing and on the edge of passing from the world. The guilt i feel for not paying a visit sooner is next to unbearable. My mother was the one who always understood...supported me despite my difference from my brothers and kinship with my sisters, even as she was disappointed I was not the proper stock for farming, she saw in me what the others did not...where they saw weakness and even laziness, she saw thirst for knowledge and quiet strength that lay buried, awaiting the proper forum...when the evil came to the lands, she was the one who encouraged me to stay behind...find my strength in this terrible fight, even as my family might not understand and even feel abandoned despite my apparent uselessness as a farmer's son.

I am hoping I can find a way to return to my mother...that my family will welcome me at least grudgingly...that I am not too late to see her through her last days... * a sad and troubled smile plays on his lips*. Although i may be gone for some time, my thoughts ever return to these lands and one I hold dear in my heart. You are not forgotten, love...do not forget me...
Mephisto posted @ 06:18 - Link - comments
Saturday, 18 July 2015
Things have been slow...this constant farming has me exhausted...she is not much better, with her weary mind...I hope I can find a way to combine or at least switch between farming and training soon or I may just become a statue in the inn *chuckles*
Mephisto posted @ 06:25 - Link - comments
Wednesday, 01 July 2015
I really wish...people would just let us be happy. So many have warned me against her I can't count, yet I know what is real...we don't just kiss d...we talk. I am fully aware of her concerns and happy moments. I don't need outsiders telling me what to expect...I already know.
Mephisto posted @ 17:15 - Link - comments
Sunday, 28 June 2015
Hm...now what have I done? Thought I was stealing a moment with her? But she still reacts as if ļ am acting inappropriately in a room full of people. I guess I have to pick my moments more carefully . ..
Mephisto posted @ 22:23 - Link - comments
Saturday, 27 June 2015
I am happy .
Mephisto posted @ 23:58 - Link - comments
Ah what a mess of a misunderstanding . ..I hate that I cannot always control my sleep/wake state . ..and this time I was left in a compromising position, given the fragility of this new relationship . ..more damaging than it need have been . ..I wish...I just wish I could freeze time..,go back and not have gone back to the inn for the cheap pots...thinking she might be there...before I reasoned otherwise...I should have just chased after her like she wanted...reasoning instead if assuming...*sighs sadly* now I fear it's ruined...all over a silly errand that could have waited....
Mephisto posted @ 22:27 - Link - comments
I am trying hard to disentangle my thoughts on all this....I believe one can love on sight. I know it's fallible...imperfect . ..and flaws may be veiled at first . But I also know I have seen some if hers and love in spite of them. I find it hard to believe yet that there is enough of me for her...enough excitement...enough to hold her interest...it is my vainest hope that we continue to find an ease with each other that will draw us closer . ..I can't help but think that something is pulling her away...fear, uncertainty, disillusionment..l I just want her to talk to me about it...I want her to know that I can hear whatever she needs to say...or not say...if that makes any sense...I want her to know I will be there to hold her or release her, whatever comes...whatever she needs of me, that us what I want to give, even if it means we are not together . ..although I hope against that last...I cannot hold her if that is not what she wants...
Mephisto posted @ 19:43 - Link - comments
Wednesday, 24 June 2015
Things have calmed a bit and I now have the chance to look around me and figure out what's next...if only I could stay awake...it is hard to do when my sun often sets soon as I rise...some days I guess I will have to find another way to light my path...
Mephisto posted @ 05:04 - Link - comments
Sunday, 21 June 2015
The night proved much better...
Mephisto posted @ 01:28 - Link - comments
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