Trapped, exposed, vulnerable. Only men would wish to discuss emotions at such at time as this. Each time I think I’ve buried the hurt he rips the stitches I’ve carefully sewn to hold me together open. They had their moment of brotherly bonding as I stood there silently hemorrhaging, pain pouring out to pool around me unseen, tears of rage rising like bile to catch in my throat. I wanted so badly to scream, to throw things - to release it all like poison to consume them. I wanted the fire inside me to burn, burn everything. I’ve never been so grateful for all of Tatiyana’s teachings. Would you have been proud Mother, as I drank it all down deep inside me with sips of sparkling wine? Would the perfect smile upon my lips as they discussed my pain and shame around me and before me please you? Planning and war and duty came at last to save me, letting me escape into the beauty and organized chaos of it all. It always does, my salvation. Perhaps I can not live in a time of peace, I’d take a thousand battles before the harm this peace has brought with it. All the more reason to contain the bronzed god.