As the cycles pass I have realized perhaps I am not as important to some as I thought I was or as they are to me. I spent much time walking the beach on Euthican. Letting the waves help me focus and think. I can't deny that I am drawn to the water i could feel the waves lap at my feet for marcs on end.

Does he still care? The doubt has surfaced and has caused me great turmoil. Turmoil enough to doubt my very thoughts and actions. I have yet again had my heart broken, drained of what was left of it. Fear of failing again. Am I worthy of what was once given? Am I worthy of the friends and family i have? Does he even know what he has done to me or care? All these are questions that have been running though my head. I do know I am once again guarded those walls from the past stacked higher then I am tall.

One thing I know for sure I need to find me. I need to get back to who I am and what I stand for. Pour myself back into the young and give my heart to helping others as I once did. Give myself a chance to see my worth again and what I once so enjoyed. I shall make it my purpose once again.

As for my dilemma I think it is best to move on and see where life takes me. Surely I am not all that bad. No Matter what it is time to take my life into my hands and live it.