It has been a while. I'm glad to be back. I'm back

life isn't always clear....what should one do when one's mind is thorn and one doesn't know what the right decision is for ones best interest. Maybe One should sleep on it. But I've slept too much...way too much lately. I think I have bed sores. Maybe just a small rash. Nothing some ointment can't cure.

Life is not always clear...but the heart is always true.

the tombs are dark..I hope not to turn as dark in my soul as this place is. this not a happy place...dark...dark...darkness

The desert....it's lonely there...but it sooths me...it keeps me alive...it...it has saved me from terrible mistakes.

It's been a while....so long since...alot has happened. I'm not proud but I fell into a dark place which I hope never to go again.
It happened when we escorted help to the dig sight. I was in the western dig sight alone with some diggers when the demons attacked. The look smug and snarled and then went over and mercilessly tore apart that poor worker. ..... and I just...stood there. I watched him suffer before he died. the screams....they ring in my ears.
I fell into a state of confusion and hate and fear. I drank myself to sleep every night. I feel so ashamed.

But with the help of good friends....and Loki...and especially my love Iserra....I am through it....not without some scars...but I am back with a clear head and and sure foot.

The cough isnt getting better.....Cody and Iserra are worried for me but im sure it will pass.
Never the less i think i should listen to them and see a Cleric. Just not sure who. I know Iserra worries for me but im sure its nothing. i hope.....

I didnt know.....i woke up and walked out of Bran....right into the fires...into the Tendrils...i didn't know. Cody told me after he rescued me that the Queen didnt want anyone to go there....but i didnt know. oh how it burnt....my throat....its still sore. Cody stayed with me for a long time. He started coughing too....he gave me water...it felt better but i still cough...and my dreams....fire everywhere....thats the second time ive been caught in it....fire....it burns....

I feel sadness....not for myself. But i do feel sadness for her. I find myself sleeping to much and training too hard and not giving Iserra the attention and love she deserves. She says she understands but i still worry. Ill always worry. Shes always on my mind no matter what im doing. Thats probably the main reason i am always resting by a Life Monument. But i know shes ok. Akassa told me about her mean streak. Ive never seen it...and hopefully ill never be the target of it...but she is strong She's my Iserra.

Sublime it is.....
the beauty within.
As well as the heart,
Mind, courage, and skin.

A mere second of company,
Is enough to quench the thirst.
Passion, friendship, and love
Experienced as if for the first.

Danger, madness, confusion
Around the next bend.
Out of the darkness,
A familiar helping hand.

Shifting sand back and forth,
Erasing the past.
It is like a dream im in,
For her spell has been cast.

Training goes well. i am well on my way and traing in the eastern mountains is proving to be a great idea. The platand potions im saving is well worth it.

I am bonded. It happened a few marcs ago. I'm just writing about it noew because I thought maybe it was a dream. I expect someday to wake up in a nightmare. But why should I. Why should I keep thinking that. She has done nothing but reassured me and shown me that she will be by my side. She is truly amazing in all she does. From living life to loving life and all that surrounds her. To say that I am blessed would be an understatement. I am complete.

Each day i look into her beatiful eyes it is like a new begining. For days and even weeks i have asked myself why. Why do i deserve to be so happy. Why do i deserve to have her by my side.....but i no longer ask why. I simply wake every morning , or night, and thank the Gods that it is as such. Even simply being in her presence is a lifetime of joy.

After a long nap i woke to the sweetest sound. the voice of an angel. She was there the moment i woke as if she had never slept a wink....always waiting for me. she has and always will be there for me as i shall for her. Iserra is a special person. i was really surprised to see the ring still on her finger. But just another sign of her love for me. i never take her for granted.

I lie here tired,
I lie here sore.
Not knowing what to do,
not knowing anymore.

Thoughts run through my mind,
and they are much.
Of things long past,
of good and bad and such.

I wouldn't be whom I am,
without friends whom I've known.
They've thought me great things,
and for these things I've grown.

Now I find myself with thoughts,
about someone close to me.
I feel like I was in darkness,
and recently opened my eyes to see.

These roads we go down,
are strange from time to time.
Never knowing where we might go.
never knowing what we might find.

I give myself to faith,
to see where this may lead.
My life is on a good path,
good indeed.

life is strange...in more ways then one. When you think you have all the answers or have life figured out....out of the blue comes something unexpected. One door closes and the another opens. It's not always black and white but often grey. That's when you have to figure out things on yer own. They may not always be the right choices but it must be what's right for you. I hope my choices bring me happiness.

life isn't always cut and dry...straight down the line. Sometimes life gives you a few curves. Just enough to keep you in check. I am often surprised at what life throws my way. I often wonder about destiny. Is it meant to be? These last few days have been strange. My feelings have been put to the test. I am sure time...yes time...will be the true truth bearer. I shall see the road I must travel. all will be clear.

As I walk the dunes of the desert and keep my face covered so that I am not blinded by driving winds and blowing sand, my mind goes to days past when I shared my time and my life with another. Those days have long since past but do I need to be alone? Seems I thought I was better off alone, but my spirit and my heart tells me otherwise.

Some day....I shall meet my reason for being. I shall smile forever. And be at peace.

Some day.

I was thinking the other day...which tired me out...but seriously, I was thinking about a game I could play with others. It's called...Where's Brou? I hide and the first one to find me gets a good prize. Everyone must meet somewhere and the game starts with everyone leaving at the same time. I shall try it soon to see if it is something we could play often.

What a great time I had the other day at our beach past our guild hall. Many were there for the ceremony inviting our newest member to our family. And there I recieved the news that Andy is once again to be bonded. He is a brave man in more ways then one. But seriously I can't remember the last time I had that much fun. But to top it off other adventurers showed up just to talk or drink or mingle with others. Az captivated us with a tale of tails. Is was fantastic. And others kept showing up. Our place might be the newest gathering place. I doubt anybody would mind that.

An eary stillness has seemed to crop up around me. Really quiet it is. Too quiet. I hope I'm not loosing my mind.

I walk these lands in search of something. Attainable or not....sometimes the price is worth paying. Even if that price is ones life. But is ones soul worth the price? Is not someones soul the thing that makes up their character? Do I not wish for others to see me as having good character? Or do I even care? Well if my actions speak louder then words....then I must care. For everyday I thrive on helping those I can. Of lending a hand when it is needed. Of lending an ear whenever it is needed. Of offering my heart and soul to those closest to me. Does that not prove my character? Do I want admiration? Do I need accolades? Do I need to be praised?


No......I need to be needed.

Last night was a wonderful time for me. I sat under the rose bushes admire the sites and smells. There was much beauty around me. Speaking of that I enjoyed someones company for a few marcs partaking in some beverages. It was a pleasant time.

I was at an amazing gathering the other day. Jeffrey asked for our ideas for a clean up of the Inn in Dundee. Many good ideas were used and the Inn looks better then ever. A great job done by all present. Much joy filled the air and I was so proud to see everyone gathered for such a great time.

As I watched those present I saw a few couples. So happy were they. Happy...yes....happiness. But...well....so happy for them.

Pride doesn't do my feelings justice. Blade and Staff is alive and well and growing. We are getting new members and they are thriving. Our family is strong. To walk these lands knowing I have people to call upon in times of need is something I never take for granted. And that means my friends outside the guild as well. Like Az and Pallas and of course my oldest friend Neal. They have always been there.

I grow stronger by the day. Amazing what a little focus can do. When I returned to the lands with everything taken from me I never thought I would be able to be myself again. But with a little hard work and a great deal of wonderful friends it is becoming a reality. Only friends matter.

I am a rogue again. And all thanks to my best of friends Pallas. I owe him so much. But not just he. There are so many that guide me again as I have forgotten much. I walk these lands proud. They are well guarded.

As I open my eyes and walk these lands again as a newborn I realize much has changed. Some old friends have lent a helping hand and embraced me. And that raises my spirits. I have a long road ahead but with my friends it is possible to regain my old self.

As you walk down a path you find this note on the ground.

" I leave this note to be found and shared to all those who knew me. I thank everyone for their kindness and love. Pallas especially for his unwavering friendship and to Wendy for her love. Valorn will always have a place in my heart and someday I may return...but for now just know that many have made a profound difference in my life. be well and be strong."

As I woke the previous night I was told of the excellent news. Our guild has a name and not just a number. Blade and Staff is official and it's members should be proud. I've heard many good things said about this news in the lands. Many praises have come from many different Valorians.

I was given a gift. A crystal luck pendant. What a great gift it is. I shall cherish it. But better then this pendant is the gift of friendship that comes with it. That I shall hold dear for ever.