Oh, how very sad. I have been in and out of town for a few days and the place is deserted, albeit for a few dark creatures of one form or another wandering the streets without anyone around to oust them. I remember a day when at this time of year, after the Fall Fest and in the midst of other various holidays different clans would celebrate, there would be laughter and chatter in the cool, crisp fall air. Guilds would gather cords of wood to stoke the winter fires in their halls, and most all the citizens who had wandered far and wide on expeditions and adventures would return home to their friends and loved ones for the winter. I began my roaming after finding my enjoyment of this realm was cut to the quick by gods who made it more and more difficult for those who were without nobility to exist on even ground. Now, with a unique perspective of having been away for so long, I can see how it would have been like for everyone to suddenly disappear. Most journals I found on table tops or on top of abandoned packs have had no entries in months, like everyone just walked away. It is a shame. I will remain in the area for a while, hoping to find some remnant of civilization but I'm not sure why. I can't even fish......
Gar

I am not dead.
For those who believed otherwise, or perhaps even wished it so, now you know. I went off to find fame and fortune in other realms and was able to locate neither. My equipment is likely slightly thinner than it was last I used it from all the cleaning and polishing I have done. But on the bright side, where I have wandered is peaceful and relaxing. If that is indeed a bright side for a warrior. Yes, I have fond memories of walking your cobblestones and of sharing good drink. But I do not necessarily equate good memories with missing it all. So I continue to wander. I may eventually find what I am looking for, or I may not. In the mean time I am out side the reach of Balthy's evil touch and the Gods warped sense of humor.
Gar

It wasn’t fettuccini carbonara and a fresh cold bottle of Pinot, but it would have to do. I found an abandoned dwelling as I wandered the wilderness and made myself at home. Though it was obvious that it had been unoccupied for some time it was in relatively good condition. And the storage room still held some fine treasures. Casks of dried meat and sealed containers of fruits, vegetables, and flour for bread lined the wall and filled the shelves. Containers of spices and such other food stuffs would surely allow for a meal like I had not had in many a day. A small cellar was even more rewarding. Though the vegetables stored there were no longer edible, the barrels of wine were in good condition. With a couple good strikes the plug was removed and a dark red liquid ran from the hole. I filled a cup and bravely sampled it. Cool from the depth of the cellar, it was like ambrosia from the gods. I am almost embarrassed to say, it took a good long night of recuperation after a few more upturned cups before I could light the fire and attempt making the bread. The meat, moistened with sauces and washed down with the wine, was just what I needed. The bread, hot from the stone oven, was perfect for dipping so that no drop of sauce was wasted. There was no fancy pasta, and the wine had no kings seal, but the food and drink was as good as I had ever eaten, at least in recent memory. Speaking of memory, I could not help but think back to those I left behind. I miss the days when good friends got together around a roaring bon fire, or joined together for laughs and stories over an ale, or even when just two of us sat on the beach in the moonlight or swam in a secret pool far from the hustle and bustle and all alone. But when I left there was little hustle and bustle left on the streets. It was rare to find anyone who cared to stop and chat, or sometimes to find anyone at all. A good imagination could picture Balthy’s minions catching them and eating them one by one. It was time for me to go. And though I may return someday, the direction of travel tomorrow will still be headed away from Valorn to places unknown down paths yet untraveled. So soon now I will put down my quill, empty my cup for the umpteenth time, and lay down here by the fire for a good nights sleep. Two days and nights here will have been quite enough for a warrior; tomorrow will be time to move on.
Gar Windgust

I sit here cross-legged on the ground with this time worn journal in my lap. Just a few feet in front of me is the sign. “For sale”, it says. On one hand it brings back such fond memories I can not deny them being foremost in my mind. Such as the happy day when another sign, in that same place, was pulled out and construction began on a grand complex. So many once called this home. Now, only by looking closely enough would one find the faintest clues of what once stood here. So faint however that the next happy family to purchase this tract of land will likely not notice at all. So thoroughly has it been wiped clean by a grand deity’s finger that little but the memories remain. Once given calm and rational thought, it may have all been for the best. I no longer have the resources to remain among the nobility. Nor, it seems, the time or energy it takes to properly run a guild. And it seems I lack the social skills to be successful here anyway. I have been without a guild for some time, and I think have the knowledge and experience to contribute, and yet I have not had one person inquire if I was interested in joining with them. The mark I carry from my lost guild may have a bit to do with that. I am sure it would take some work, if it is possible at all. And I do remember being given some wise advice back in my youth. When faced with what I thought was an obvious error by someone evaluating my performance I protested. The response I got was disquieting though thought provoking. They said, “Don’t dwell on whether or not their opinion is right or wrong, consider instead what causes them to have that opinion. If their opinion matters, it is still up to you to change it”. Perhaps I have left a bad impression, and am not thought of quite and highly as I would expect. Again, reason to believe that things have all worked out the way fate intended. The time of year has come that the most anticipated celebration draws near. It was two Fall Festivals ago that I first came to this land. So it is no wonder that it holds a special place in my heart. I will try and be around to enjoy as much as I am able. I hope to see some old friendly faces when they are available to be seen. And a good hot mug of cider sounds good.
Gar

So many early mornings, before sunrifter even begins to light the sky, I awaken wondering where I am. Then I remember. Though the honest truth is, even then I still do not know for sure. I am not lost. After all, I am a man. Men do not get lost, hence we never have the need for directions and therefore never ask for them. It would not matter out here though. I have not seen anyone to ask anything for days. So I spend my time thinking. A dangerous past time for me I know, but I do it none the less. I have found some truths to live by. Playing poker alone has advantages and disadvantages. You can’t call yourself anything, you have to wait for someone else to do that. Not every tasty looking berry actually is. And if it looks anything like what they normally eat, fish will bite it. I will be waiting an extra day or two before bathing for a while. At least until I heal a bit. Otherwise, not much else to make note of. Just thought I’d write something to find out if my ink had dried up. It had not. So I did. Good enough for now.
Gar

I should make a career out of predicting certain outcomes. But they make it way too easy around here, it would almost be like stealing. I guess I could become a rogue….
Gar

There is no forever. Nothing is guaranteed. Hold on tight to what you have and appreiciate every moment of every day. Give lots of hugs, share lots of smiles, and live each day like it is one of your last. It just may be. After that declaration I realize that my immediate future is waiting to find out if I am comic material. Ironic aint it?
Gar

Another birthday. And yet, just another day among many that will quietly pass and be gone tomorrow. That seems to be the case more and more the older I get. And I am definately older. I feel it in my bones, and in my mind and heart. I think I shall treat myself to an ale.
Gar

I have disappointed myself a little. Maybe even a bit more than a little. I’m sitting here with this little book open and my ring sitting on the opposite page. I just reread the inscription for about the zillionth time. “Gar and Val - 1/24 - together yet separate - meant to be.” That means it was six months yesterday. I did not send even a note. And then again, neither did she. A space has grown between us which is neither her fault nor mine. Circumstances have created the void and we struggle incessantly against it. The good news concerning our plight is that we do, indeed, continue the fight. We still care, and that is the most important thing of all. I am sure there is a good reason why I did not hear from her yesterday. As for me, I just plain forgot. I thought about it the day before, and was committed to making some romantic gesture, but as this bos brained old warrior is apt to do, I forgot. I sent a bird today, a day late and a full plat short to be sure. It’s a good thing she likes me. Perhaps even enough to forgive me. I will hug her twice as hard next time I see her. That should do the trick.
Gar

Although I spend little time in Valorn any more, having found paths that lead to other places of interest and enjoying the peacefulness of long naps, I happened to run into a soul new to the lands just a couple days ago. I am not much of a mentor, I care and have some knowledge, but not the patience. Those that have all it takes to help those who are in need of guidance are to be commended. They have, and are, a gift. Ah, but I digress. What I am writing for future recollection is not the specifics of our conversation, or the young adventurer himself, but about the memories the encounter brought flooding back. I suddenly had visions of when I was new to this place, and the awe I felt from the understanding that there was so much to learn and experience. Friendly faces appeared just when I was in the most need, it seemed, and I got just the right amount of help to keep reaching each goal. I fell in with a good group of people, twice actually, and though those relationships did not last I am better for having known them all. Individual relationships as well were part of my growth, and the memory of a few who touched my heart along my path can almost bring a tear. For all these reasons, and more, I doubt I will ever walk away from this place permanently. There are just too many good memories and friends, past and present, to do so. I sometimes wish I had been more successful. As goals got higher, so many fell away unreached, or crumbled just as they seemed firmly within my grasp. I have been successful enough. I have a loving, faithful and beautiful bonded, and a few old friends I bump into now and then. Plenty to be thankful enough for. So, goals be damned, it may be time to semi-retire. It is time to take a deep breath, put up my feet, and consider each call to arms one at a time. If I had the chance, I would like to thank all those who have helped me get here. All the way back to being given my first new sword, my first blessings called down from our great gods, and the pat on the butt. Thanks.
Gar Windgust

I think, over time, if there is one thing I have learned it is this; the most difficult question there has ever been is when to walk away. Few things last forever. Most were never meant to do so. The problem is, being only human (at least this applies to most of us), we seem to have a great deal of difficulty knowing when to open our hand, and just let go. Sometimes we find ourselves going to extreme measures to hang on to something, often something that will inevitably slip away anyway. No relationship, position, or affiliation is guaranteed permanent, yet we tend to think less of ourselves if we even consider stepping away of our own volition. We feel like we have failed, let ourselves and others down, quit on our commitment. Recently I found myself outside the limits of conventional wisdom while trying to hang on to something that was, for all intents and purposes, already lost. Instead of swallowing pride and retaining some dignity I sullied my reputation, and made myself look quite foolish. Ah, live and learn I suppose. I know others who have done much better. Fine examples of wisdom, poise and self-respect. I am lucky and honored to have known such people. I just hope they all know……. that I am glad to have known them, and they are missed.

Gar Windgust Esquire

I’ve been waking a bit more often, and have been in the midst of what seems to be left of civilization now and then. Not much seems changed, though it appears the trend toward fewer faces and lost voices continues. I even did a bit of slashing and maiming, to the point I needed to bathe. I chose a hidden cove where few souls seem to travel. I still kept watchful eye for any visitors however. You see, though nudity is strictly forbidden in Valorn I still find it difficult to bathe with my clothes on. I was able to find the original path I took when I walked away from the hustle and bustle, my journal still tucked safely in its hiding spot. I can’t say why I do not keep it with me. I guess if anyone would like to leave me a note I would like to believe the gods would lead them to it so they can. Though I am not sure what cause anyone would have to do so. Oh, I did find one change in the lands. It appears there is a new entrance to N’rolav. I fell into it a couple times when I first passed through the area. That has to be the best way to say it because the next couple times I walked through I could not find it. When I was there I tried to make my way to N’rolav Branishor, but was stopped twice by a large angry creature with very hot breath. On the second occasion I tried to use diplomacy, even offering a number of rotting koruna wrapped nice and tidy in a colorful cloth. He smote me anyway. He probably ate them after I was sent to recover at my chosen LM, as I dropped them when he smashed my head. Well, time to put the journal back in the tree and make my way back to camp. Another reason to do so, now that I think about it, is in case Dal would like to add an entry. That is doubtful, however, as he wakes even less than I and seems to have little interest in recording anything any more. The peace and solitude of camp sounds even better than ever. Just the effort it took to take this walk is reason enough to jump into the cool waters of my cove to rinse off the dust and perspiration. I worry less and less about someone happening along. It may even be safe enough to close my eyes and dream of company.
Gar Windgust

Things have been interesting over the last few marcs. My time awake seems to have overlapped Jan’s a bit more, and I have enjoyed talking to her. Shadow has been around as well, and I spent some time riding the cannon and comparing notes with him. I have been hearing from Blayne more frequently, and am quite glad to have that happen. I passed Low on my path and we traded a couple birds of conversation, mostly about the disadvantages of level 52. I see since we spoke he has reached 53, so congrats to him on that! I hope it does not take me too long. Speaking of such, this level is not a favorable one in any way. No new equipment or anything became available, the good farming in N’rolav desert is gone and even good training spots are harder to find, but I will try to work hard and not complain. If nothing else, the one thing I have learned during my painful period of introspection is that we need to enjoy our time here to its fullest. If we do not do that we are simply wasting our time and doing ourselves, and those who enjoy our company, a grievous disservice. I was not so wrong, as I believed when I first arrived, to think that this land is what we make of it. We can not control what others do or say, but we can control how we react to it. We are in control of our own mind and how we use it. The only thing missing over the last couple days has been my sweet bonded. Just the opposite of Jan, it is likely our time awake has just not overlapped. I know she is busy enough these days that she needs the rest when she can get it. I guess that is something I will just have to get used to, being bonded to a career woman. Oh, I almost forgot. Bunty Dell sent Dal and I messages, looking to say hello to him. I had not seen him blush in a while, and it was good to see color in his pallid cheeks again.
Like a rescue devise that saved me from drowning in the depths of my own despair, it seems that hope does indeed float.
Gar Windgust

The little scout birds I have are wondrous little fellows. I would be even closer to being out of my mind without them. They not only bring back word on who is awake and roaming the lands, but peek at journal entries and bring back the scoop on who is saying what, and the notes that others leave them. So I spend my time sitting here in front of the fire listening to the messages my little birds whisper in my ear. No responses to what I write, but of course my journal is hidden here with me. And even if they had birds as skilled as mine to peek for them, what do you say to someone who appears to be two cards short of a tarot deck. I hear of the bantering back and forth between friends and lovers, sisters and brothers, legends and their newest trainees, and those that care about the condition of others and those who only strive to cause stress, resentment, and tears. In other words, all the same stuff… different day. I did awake to a couple messenger birds pecking at the seed I threw in the corner for birds both foreign and domestic. Each carrying a poke from someone near and dear. Each trying in their own way to get my attention, and keep me from sliding even farther into despair. I do appreciate the effort, and wish I could think of something profound to say in return. Something that would tell them how glad I am to hear from them, how happy that they are part of my world. But for now I am out of words that have any meaning. All that’s left for now are the demented ramblings of an old and life worn fool. At least I have a pair of orange bunny fuzz slippers to wear that someone slipped me while I slept. I hope they don’t think they got away undiscovered. It seems my little scout birds are also part stool pigeon.
Gar

Well, it’s been some time now since I stowed away most of my equipment and sat down to think. I did sneak out once to the bank for my sandals. They are much more comfortable than my boots, yet still keep my feet from constant contact with this cold floor. I wish I had a pair of bunny fuzz slippers and a matching robe. Ah, but I digress. To be honest with myself, I am not real sure what I am supposed to be thinking about any more. I have argued the point with myself a number of times, and I have gotten nowhere. More evidence, I suppose, that I am as stubborn as a dimwitted bos. I can’t even come to a peaceful agreement, much less win an argument, with myself. Again, I have wandered slightly off the point. Let me see, what was the point again? Oh yes, I have used some of this time thinking efficiently. I have come up with some ideas that I consider worthy of putting in the gods suggestion box. Oh, wait. I do not believe the gods have such a box. Perhaps I could make them one. An empty Treasure Box would do the trick. They already have a lock, and a slot could be put in the top so that…. Um, there I go again. Another tangent gone off on. I shall try harder to focus. Where was I? Oh, yes.. my ideas. When building on guild property I think there should be options for specialty rooms and sections, at a cost of extra guild points of course. For example, I think a vault room would be nice. Inside this room the guild could offer its members what would be, in essence, extra bank space. This could be done as extra storage spaces for each member, or space any member could access such as for armor and weapons the guild keeps to help members by passing them down from one to another. Or perhaps done another way someone smarter and more sensible may come up with. Another possibility would be a place where items can be bought and sold. I know this has been done as reward to guilds in the past, but by having it cost guild points it would not take away from the rewards that have been given. For others to have anything similar it would have to be earned by the accumulation of points. Using points to buy a license to sell each item, these rooms could sell anything from ale to potions to bunny fuzz slippers. Well, at least I got that in without getting too far off the subject!! Anyway, there are other possibilities as well. Such things would be added attractions to joining a guild and make life a bit easier over all. Another idea I had was a No Drop Holiday. While it is certainly understandable why the gods have made certain items for personal use only, I think it would be interesting to allow us one day each year when nothing is undroppable. This time of year would be perfect, as nothing much is going on. The excitement caused by such an event would be wild. The amount of people awake at one time may even rival the bonfire and fireworks. Well, that’s about all I guess. I suppose this long and silly entry is proof I am bored. I thought about doing some writing, but was at least able to discuss that idea with myself calmly enough to reject it. My last poem was something a Troll could have produced. Evidently I am losing what writing ability I may have ever had. That, and my ever loving mind! Congrats to my brother on his new level. I offered him the journal since I am not out and about now, but he refused. I think he may rethink his decision when he sees this. I hope he brings me some orange bunny fuzz slippers.
Gar (the hermit) Windgust