Thursday, 26 August 2010
I woke to a nice surprise. It was good to see the chantress and old rogue around for once. It feels like I ain't seen them in ages. How I have missed them. I actually spent some time talkin to the chantress in Milltown today, which was very odd for me, I hardly leave the caves or my one favorite spot. I still ain't seen the one that I need to see yet. I hope to be able to do so before too long. I am tryin my best to wake more than before. I just hope I am successful at this. These lands seem to be changin as the days pass, new people around all the time. When I do wake, I don't know anyone that walks these lands. I seek out Jeffery for a friendly face. I know that is my fault for not staying awake for long when I do wake. If I could just do that one thing and manage to talk to people, maybe I would get to know them more. But no one can take the place of the few that I dearly love, the ones that I want to see smile and hear them laugh. The ones that I need to see that they are ok and well.
Monday, 26 April 2010
The facade comes easier and easier each time I wake. I'm starting to believe it now myself.
Thursday, 18 February 2010
I can't believe I actually remembered where I hid this thing, it's been so long since I've pulled it out, but there it was, under a fine layer of dust, safely where I had hidden it. I'm not really all that surprised, though, the way I do hate to clean. Billy is always on me about doing paper work, and trying to get me to clean that office, but there's no way I will even think about doing that. That is just not my nature ... isn't that what the officers of the guild is for, anyways?!?!?! I am finally trying to get back to some normalty within my schedule, but that is easier said than done. I am makin a little progress though, wakin more than I have in a while. Today, I am tryin to spend more time in the towns than in the cave that I have come so fond of. I have realized I do need a little vitamin D in me, before I start to look like one of those zombies I have been spending my waking marcs killing. I haven't spoken to the rogue besides passing messages back and forth. Although these do make me smile, it is nothing like actually being able to see him face to face, so I will know he's not a figment of my imagination. I am trying to figure out what to do about the guild, also. It is so quiet, but it is where I call home, along with the few members we do have. I need to figure out a way to get with all of my officers and find out what they think ought to be done. Until that time comes, I hope I don't loose this again, so I can keep better track of the goings on in the lands ................
Thursday, 29 October 2009
I don't know what to do anymore. The guild is quiet. I know part of it is from me not being awake like I should be to help with the recruiting and what not, but I am trying my best. I have thought about doing some things that I just can't bring myself to do it. I really need to figure out the next step I need to take reguarding the guild. The only thing I do know is my friends are still there for me. Alloran has been leaving me little notes in my pack as I rest, which are always bitter sweet. I miss seeing him, but it's something that I cannot help at the moment, so I suppose I will continue leaving notes to him also until the day we can actually spend time together. The marc we got last eve was not nearly long enough. I think I will try to figure out a surprise for him, something he will not be expecting. What that will be, I'm not sure, he's a hard one to surprise. So, while the guild sleeps and I'm awake, I've been spending my time trying to farm. I've been thinking of starting my training again here soon, but that's still up in the air. The farming really does give me that time I need to think on what to do with everything. I'm sure the answers are there, right out of my reach.....
Tuesday, 06 October 2009
Something very interesting happened last eve while Alloran and I were awake. Devora Jane asked for people to pay compliments to someone by sending her a private message. I quickly sent mine off to her, then spent time riding the cannon with Alloran for a bit. Once we got reformed at the LM, we decided to spend time in the grove, while we were talking, Devora Jane graced us with her presense. She said she was impressed by what each of us said about the other, considering we both did not know that the other had done this it was a shocker. She let us chose a gift to give to the other. After the shock of it all wore off, and I returned to my normal color (I'll admit, I did blush quite a bit), I knew exactly what Alloran needed as was able to finally tell her. I just hope I didn't make a complete fool of myself in front of her. Why is it I'm able to talk to just about anyone, but when it comes to the gods, I feel like a bumblin fool?
As far as my sleepin goes, I am hopin I can finally wake more often. I feel I have neglected the guild, my sponsees, and my friends. I am really wanting to get back to my normal self, but I don't know how to even go about doing that. Hopefully I have figured it out by now. Another one of my wait and see moments, I suppose.
Thursday, 20 August 2009
It is funny how you don't realize how much ya miss old friends until ya actually see em again. I was able to talk to the chanctress a lil last eve. It felt good to see her smile. I know we've had our problems in the past, but I believe we've learned to leave it where it belongs, in the past. The ol rogue has caught up with me in the past few days. Seemed not that long ago I had made it my mission to pass him up, and here he is doin the same, I just find it funny how life works out some times. I ain't gotten the chance to really do anything with the guild here of late. We've been workin on somethin which I feel is way out of my range of knowledge ... yeah, there, I admitted it again, I don't know everything. A few have really proved to be a life saver on that part. I don't know what I would do without em.
As I was sittin talkin with the chantress through messengers, it made me realize somethin. It made me realize how much I really miss the Hammers, not just the guild, but the people. There were many in the guild that I came to love that I no longer get to see, or when I do get to speak to em, it's only for fleetin moments. It makes me wish for the way things were, when things were so much simplier in my life. I didn't have to worry about tryin to make everyone happy and enjoy bein in a guild. I did not have to worry about when one of em got into some type of trouble, how it would effect the guild and how I would have to try to fix it, or if some were fightin, I didn't have to play that referee, not that anyone is in the guild, but still ... it's the lil things that a leader of a guild has to worry about that I didn't have to at that time. I suppose we all wish for simplier days in our lives at one point in time.
Other than that, I've been spending my days farming when I'm not sleeping and leaving that certain someone notes. It seems we don't wake at the same time hardly any longer, maybe one day things will be different ... as always ... it's the wait and see time ....
Wednesday, 05 August 2009
I don't know how it happened, all I know is I am so happy that it did. Our name has been restored. I cannot thank the Gods enough for doin this. It's one less thing I have to worry about. Now I just have to be sure nothin like that happens again. I like to believe what happened to the guild has taught us all a lesson.
I have been doin some trainin durin this time. I am one step closer to bein at the level I would like to stay at for a while. Whether the Brute wants to stay there, I'm not sure. I will have to talk to him after we go on a vacation after we level. Teach has really helped me durin this time, always there givin me the encouragement I need, even if I didn't realize I needed it. I am so thankful for those in my life I hold dear. Even that cleric woke for a bit and helped me out. Ever since I can remember comin into these lands, he's been there supportin me with lil tidbits of encouragement. I just hope he wakes more soon, rather he realizes it or not, he's the older brother I've never had but always wanted.
The Brute is rather upset with himself here lately over what happened with the guild. I think he's finally come around now. I tried to make him see how, no matter what happened with it, we would work through it. I was not goin to let it defeat me. I am tired of lettin things get to me like they once did. I believe it shocked him and the other rogue to see that I was not mad, I was upset at first, but not mad. Things happen for a reason, sometimes we cannot prevent it from happenin no matter what. I don't know if this was one of those things or not, and I no longer care. Things are straight now, that is all that matters, in my eyes at least. Things are slowly lookin up for the guild for the better. I will need to start spendin more time in the towns, helpin others and tryin to see about gettin some new members in. All that will happen soon enough. I just want to relish in the love that I feel for those I hold very close to my heart.........
Tuesday, 04 August 2009
Yeah, well, the guilds name ain't exactly what I would like it to be, but ya know, if it don't get changed back, we will just have to keep on fightin like we always do. I've heard some of what may have caused this sudden change, now I'm just tryin to piece it all together and figure out what really caused it. Am I upset about it, dang right I'm upset, but I've learned that we can't go on holdin a grudge for somethin that was done, all we can do is learn to mold ourselves around it, to over come it, to show others that we are strong and it will only make us stronger. I no longer worry about when and if the name will be changed back. Instead, I've gone ahead and taken steps just in case that don't happen. Two in the guild are very upset, and no matter how much I try to tell em it's ok, they just don't see it that way. They know how hard I've worked on the guild, but do they not realize that this is also their home? I just hope that they can come to see things the way I've come to see em. Yes, I went a couple of days there, broodin, but now, well, how can I continue to act that way? I was bein all sorry for myself, but now, what may come of this, only the Gods know, and I will accept whatever it is they decide to do. I just hope the others in the guild realize that I am not upset, I am no longer mad, I am no longer depressed, I am just me, the same Emmy that they knew when they joined Honor. Nothing and no one will change that fact. I have come to terms with myself, if they want to find the same contintment that I do, then they must do the same, then maybe they will see that the change of the guild name really ain't all that bad!!!!!!!
Tuesday, 28 July 2009
I feel I have let so many down, the guild, Alloran, my trainees, my sponsor, my friends. I can no longer wake as often as I once did. The darkness pulls at me until I collapse where ever I may be at that moment. I try to fight it as much as possible, but it comes over me like a dark cloud until I fall asleep. I do hope I will be able to over come all of this soon. The guild needs some attention, Alloran needs it just as much. I have been lucky to have found someone such as him. He understands, at least that's what he tells me. All I can do is hope that is true. And now with this vision from the High Cleric, it really terrifies me. I must find a way to fight this ... sleeping? (for the lack of a better word) ... all the time. I must think positive here and hold my head up high and do all I am able to for those that I love, especially the ones that mean the most to me .........
Monday, 15 June 2009
**the previous page has been torn out**
Just what we needed, 2 days on the beach, not worryin about anybody or anythin, especially trainin or farmin. He's finally made it to level 56, so now that we are back, we can start trainin together, but not right now, maybe when we finally need somethin to do, which might take a lil longer than we though ... hahaha ... Besides more crystals for next time we go, he surprised me with somethin, another crystal luck pendant. As with everything he gives me, I will treasure it, although I am goin to have to work somethin out, I can't keep wearin all these treasures I get from the people I cherish, I'm thinkin I'm goin to have to play around with 2 of em to lighten the load. I know exactly what I will have to do. Besides the pendant, before we left, I collected some sand in my ale mug, thank goodness for this journal and a piece of string I found in my pack or I would have had no other way to cover it up. I know it's a funny thing to keep it in, but at the time, it was all I had. I've taken it out and just stare at it, smilin from time to time. It helps me to remember the time we had. We will definately have to plan another trip again here soon......