[FONT=Arial][SIZE=7][COLOR=red]I can't believe I found this thing after all this time. It's a lil worse for wear, but it'll get the job done, I suppose. I can't express how good it feels to be back in the lands. I've been away for far too long. And now, this dang course, I stay covered in mud, but at least it's givin me somethin to concentrate on instead of the past.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[SIZE=7][COLOR=red]I can't believe I was actually able to find this thing hidin in me pack. It seems like it's been ages since I've pulled this thing out, and well, I guess it has been. I ain't realized til now how long it's been since I had to leave unexpectedly. The lands seem quiet now that ol Balthy's gone, it's almost scary, waitin for the other shoe to drop.

I ain't been able to really talk to anyone from the guild, I'm beginnin to think that there's no one left. I did receive a message from someone and well, lets just see if'in they find me to talk.

I'm lookin forward to sinkin me daggers into somethin, don't know what yet, but I'm sure I can find somethin real soon, seein how trouble seems to find me no matter where I go.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[SIZE=7][COLOR=red]It's been a rather interestin turn. It started out like any other, me farmin away in the Dead Zone, but then I found me self in the Athletic Grounds bein talked into a game that the Order had come up with. I can't say when I've laughed so hard before but man, am I tired now. It seemed that game went on forever. I'm so tired right now I can barely see straight. It would seem a lot got to see the side of me I like to try to hide. Ya know that side when I just start blubberin anythin that pops into me head and I make a complete fool of me self? Yeah, that's the one. Ah well, I figured it wouldn't be long before that happened, considerin I vowed to me self when I came back not to put on that mask any longer. I can say it's rather liberatin. I'ma gonna have to remember that and try to come out of me shell more but not be so aggravatin. I think I was gettin on me own nerves there after a while. Me sis always told me I could be that way, but didn't realize it til now how bad I was. I'll have to finally admit she was right for once, which won't go over too good. She'll never let me live that down.

I can say this, I'm happy I actually came in last in that dang game. It was so much fun and I couldn't be happier than havin a great time with some great friends and meetin some new peoples. I can say that I'm happy that I stuck it out, even with me bein a fool and all.

On another note, I've gots some figurin out to do about somethin. When I spoke to a couple people, they understood where I was comin from, but now I have to convince me self of it.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[SIZE=7][COLOR=red]It feels good to be back where I belong. Now if'in I could just get me feet back under me and me bearin's straight, I'll be doin even better. I am very happy to see that he did return long enough to turn leadership of the guild over to Lillya. I'm sure she is doin a fine job since we've all been away. Now I've just gotta figure out what it is I should do with me self. I'm just thankful that the last soul searchin I did seems to have done me some good and I've never felt more like me old self than I have in a very long time. Now to get out there and see whom I can torment.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[COLOR=red][SIZE=7]I know at this point in my life, it was the right thing to do, but that don't make it any easier. I have to get me mind straight and I trust him to handle things with the guild while I do so. I know he ain't gonna neglect it. If he does, I'll just have to find him and aggravate him til he gets back on track. Now if I can make him see that I deserve everythin I got. Maybe one of these turns he'll actually believe me.[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[SIZE=7][COLOR=red]I should really come with some type of warnin label or somethin to that effect. If'in ya want to get hurt in some type of way, speak to me for a split marc, I'm sure somethin will come out of me mouth that will either hurt ya or really make ya mad. Funny thin is, I don't mean to do it, it just comes out of me mouth that way. Ya would think I would learn after so long in these lands to keep me dang mouth shut and not talk to anyone, especially when I'm feelin the way I have been the past few turns. I don't think I will ever get the hang of this mess.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[COLOR=red][SIZE=7]With so much goin through me head, I ain't sure what I should be doin. I know it's all me fault, no matter what anyone says. It's always been hard for me to give the way I should to those that I love. I don't know if'in it's cause I'm terrified of gettin hurt again or what it could be, but I do know I ain't been happy, truly happy in a while. It's time to make some changes. As soon as I see someone wake, I'll do what I need to do and then go somewhere to find who I use to be. I'm tired of it all, of everythin.[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[SIZE=7][COLOR=red]It's takin everythin I got to keep remindin meself that it ain't like before, things will get better, it's only this time of the year. I know I ain't been around as much as I should be and I am tryin to change that but it's hard to do. I've even found myself standin around Dundee Square for a change of scenery. I've really gotta find me groove again before I lose me mind here, but ain't sure how to go about doin that.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[SIZE=7][COLOR=red]So I've come to a conclusion, it's time for me to get out of that dang Dead Zone. It's gonna be hard for me to stand there and do nothin, but I really gotta learn that all that farmin ain't good for me.

I really do need to take some time to figure out what to do with that new room in the guild hall. It's just sittin there, bare. A few have given me some good ideas, I just need to start the buildin process and then make them finish it off. Ahh well, one step at a time.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[SIZE=7][COLOR=red]Yeah, well, whatever. I'm really beginnin to think that it has to be this time of the year for everyone to feel as I do right now. I can barely hold me eyes open and when I do hold em open, I feel the call of slumbers rest pullin me back under far too quickly. Hopefully soon I can make me self stop doin this so much.

Durin one of my short stints of bein awake I received word that the beams across that dang door were destroyed. I ain't been back to that room since hearin that. Almost too scared to see what will happen if'in I do. Maybe I'll work up the nerve to do so soon, if'in I can stay awake long enough to do so, that is.[/SIZE][/COLOR]