It's been a while since I've written. I thought perhaps distancing myself from my journal will prevent me from relying so much on its fragile pages. But now...now I think it's safe. My journal once caused hurt to someone before, and I wouldn't like anything of the sort to happen again, but yes...I've missed writing in here. I miss the lovely ink smudges on the side of my hand!

I'm worried about my guild and my sisters...I have seen Isfirn and Lucretia around, but no-one else. I am worried about our activity, as I would hate to see the Amazons fall to dust. I know it's terrible just for me to be thinking about this, but...what am I to do? It worries me so. I feel so silly, now that I don't have Sephy by my side every day and every night to make me feel a bit stronger, a bit more independent...

I've realised, in his absence - or in my absence - that a part of me feels incomplete. Then another part of me worries that maybe I'll become another case of Ariannah Hartfort. Maybe in the time that I am not by his side, he will find another, better woman (which will not be hard to do) and maybe, just maybe...

Oh, I don't even want to think about it! It's my fault anyway. I'm angry at myself for still feeling some sort of enmity towards Ariannah as well. I realised a while back that I was in the wrong, not her. Yet I still feel angry. Has she made any move towards him, any contact with him while he is not in my line of sight? It worries me...

Oh, I am horrid. I really am a two-faced snake. I'm worried about myself! How selfish can I be?

But then, I was cheered up a bit by dear Karicianus...she said that a former guildmate of hers had thought quite highly of me. I asked who he or she was, so that I could prove him or her wrong, and I found out he was an Iron Knight. I was honoured to know that an Iron Knight thought highly of me, but at the same time I was doubtful. Surely he was thinking of another person? Not me. I'm not deserving of such an honour...

I feel blessed enough already to share the same inn as Az. In fact, to be able to call her Az is a blessing in itself. To be acknowledged by another of the same title...what can I call that?