Monday, 31 August 2009
Things are different. I think the hole in the wall near the bathrooms of Dundee inn proclaim that loudly. Well, as loudly as a hole can. I should really stop trying to sound so fancy - I don't do it justice.
Anyway, I saw all the old faces again. Az seemed very polite. Mind you, she always was, so I let it slide. Asrai seemed glad to see me. I think she asked me how I was, but I thought she was talking to another person, so I 'ignored' it. Oops. If you ever read this, Asrai (since Valorn still seems to be full of peekers...right, sis?), I really am sorry! That is, if it was directed at me. Feel free to correct me on that front.
Speaking of which, she seems to have a new stalker. Interesting.
I went on the cannon again. I arrived on the snowy plateaus, but I think I've already written that. I got another glimpse of Kilican. Saw my first Gold Crystal Guardian since coming back here - it was very dull. Went right up to the Scarab King - at least, that's what
Tyral Nyril told me it was.
Not nice. Not nice at all.
P.S. No, Nyril did not like me getting his name wrong. Just in case you were wondering.
Thursday, 27 August 2009
The man was right. I can't remember the small things. I looked in my backpack yesterday and saw a diamond ring, and I tried hard to remember where I got it, but to no avail. I saw the necklace, and I knew it was from Sephy, when we went to Ethucan, so I tried to forget about not being able to remember the ring. Then I came across the dead flowers, knew they were, indirectly, from Sephy, but couldn't remember where I'd gotten them from. The plains? I think?
And that crystal pendant. It took me a few moments to realise that it was my first dull crystal. What a strange thing to commemorate. I wonder what I was thinking.
So I looked at everything, touched everything, tried to remember the name of places. It took a while for me to remember Aldwythe's Landing. It made me wonder when I remembered how I'd once told myself that, if I were to be bonded, it would either be in Ethucan or the garden in Aldwythe's Landing. At least, I think it was a garden. Once again, I ponder my thoughts on the subject.
The man was right, after all. I've forgotten all the small things that had held up my life so urgently before. Now that I look at them, they don't mean a thing.
Wednesday, 26 August 2009
I looked through all the old places and tried out all the old things. On the surface, nothing seems to have changed. Maybe I was right. Maybe nothing has changed.
I actually tried the cannon again. I vaguely remember that I swore off cannons. I've forgotten why. Maybe it's the danger part - I dunno, it was pretty fun this time round. Maybe because I wasn't squashed into gore. The bandits seemed pretty happy to see me. They let me pass, anyway.
When I ported to Bran, though, and went to the temple, I stopped. I guess going to a temple wasn't a good idea. I thought of the mad cleric and I hurt.
**The following writing is written in a shakier hand, and seems to scratch a bit deeper**
Scratch that - I'm on the snowy plateaus now
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
It's strange, isn't it. How every time you return to Valorn, you think it hasn't changed - then you get that feeling that, probably, it has.
Saturday, 04 October 2008
Though no-one's really spoken of it yet (except for Az and some others when it was brought up. That was how I learnt of it), I know Fall Festival is very near. I'm tingling with excitement. I have a Fall Festival token in my bank, but I'm wondering if I should try a hand at making my own costume as well. Though making a dress for the ball (that I never attended) was rather hard. Maybe I'll just see what costume my token brings and then decide!
Either way, you can feel the excitement in the air. Not really around the adventurers, but around the citizens who roam the streets. They're all getting ready for it, I think. It makes me step lighter and makes me smile a little bit more. I'd be smiling even more if Sephy would be here to share this special time with me, but...I wonder where he's gone? The last time we talked was after I failed to attend the ball, and there seemed something off about it. And the last time we met face to face? How long ago was that?
I can't help but feel a bit scared. The only thing that's keeping me stable enough is the belief that what we share is special. Something that doesn't happen to every man and woman. True love. Yes, I know it sounds mushy but...I just believe that's what it is. I don't think I could ever love another man. Not after Sephy. Not after this love. This love that taught me what love truly was. What we have is truly special.
But yes...Fall Festival is soon, and I can't wait.
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
After a day of hard training (well, maybe not so much) on the lovely beach of Kilican, enjoying the sea spray on my face as I whacked at those rather pointy sea urchins and slick young vipers, I walked my way back to the Ethucan-style restaurant on the island. Leaning back to relax, my hand unconsciously went to my shoulder where two scars were - one received from a demon in a raid, the other from a strange, shadowy monster from the trip back home with Sephy. As I placed my fingers there to feel them, however, I only felt one.
Shocked, I twisted my head to look, and I realised that the one received from back home was gone. Where that shadowy creature had left its mark - had disappeared. Somehow the scar had healed without my noticing. That was when I remembered an old woman's words from long ago, which I'm sure I wrote somewhere in these pages but can't find, that once my heart made up its mind, the scar on my shoulder would fade away...
I suppose my heart really has made up its mind, though I'm not sure what decision it came to, or how it's going to change me. Maybe it made up its mind to just be Ermin?
Oh! And as a very unnecessary, completely un-related side-note...I'm thinking of chopping off my hair. It's an instinct thing. I'm not sure about it yet. I've always loved my hair long, but I feel like it's getting in the way now.
But I shall follow my heart, that has made up its mind (of what I do not know), and maybe I'll find the happiest path.
Monday, 22 September 2008
It's been a while since I've written. I thought perhaps distancing myself from my journal will prevent me from relying so much on its fragile pages. But now...now I think it's safe. My journal once caused hurt to someone before, and I wouldn't like anything of the sort to happen again, but yes...I've missed writing in here. I miss the lovely ink smudges on the side of my hand!
I'm worried about my guild and my sisters...I have seen Isfirn and Lucretia around, but no-one else. I am worried about our activity, as I would hate to see the Amazons fall to dust. I know it's terrible just for me to be thinking about this, but...what am I to do? It worries me so. I feel so silly, now that I don't have Sephy by my side every day and every night to make me feel a bit stronger, a bit more independent...
I've realised, in his absence - or in my absence - that a part of me feels incomplete. Then another part of me worries that maybe I'll become another case of Ariannah Hartfort. Maybe in the time that I am not by his side, he will find another, better woman (which will not be hard to do) and maybe, just maybe...
Oh, I don't even want to think about it! It's my fault anyway. I'm angry at myself for still feeling some sort of enmity towards Ariannah as well. I realised a while back that I was in the wrong, not her. Yet I still feel angry. Has she made any move towards him, any contact with him while he is not in my line of sight? It worries me...
Oh, I am horrid. I really am a two-faced snake. I'm worried about myself! How selfish can I be?
But then, I was cheered up a bit by dear Karicianus...she said that a former guildmate of hers had thought quite highly of me. I asked who he or she was, so that I could prove him or her wrong, and I found out he was an Iron Knight. I was honoured to know that an Iron Knight thought highly of me, but at the same time I was doubtful. Surely he was thinking of another person? Not me. I'm not deserving of such an honour...
I feel blessed enough already to share the same inn as Az. In fact, to be able to call her Az is a blessing in itself. To be acknowledged by another of the same title...what can I call that?
Wednesday, 13 August 2008
Oh, everyone must think I'm such a horrid person! When I woke, I felt highly elated and pranced over to the OSW guildhall, expecting to see my love - to finally see him again - and to see sis and Elly and everyone that I treasure and love. But I stopped dead in my tracks when I realised that the guildhall was completely and utterly empty. It very nearly broke my heart. I stopped and sat where I was, in the empty 'ballroom'. Imagining that this was exactly how Sephy had felt when I hadn't been there. I nearly cried again, but I remembered my promise to the old woman, and didn't.
And then, to make things worse, when I woke up, I had a note from Elly asking if I was alright, and that I had worried everyone...and knowing that I haven't even seen Sephy in person for so long...oh, what have I done? Why did I get the time wrong? It was so foolish of me...he'll never forgive me now. I feel so terrible.
And to think it was only a few days ago, that I went into the lighthouse to get a gull plume for Fero, and get myself my Admiral's Cloak. All my elation from then, is gone.
Oh, what have I done?...
Wednesday, 06 August 2008
So the dress is coming along alright. I jotted down the design and handed it over to Garehk, and I watched him turn the raw silk into silkspun. Then he showed me how to basically form the dress. At times I winced because it got too fancy, or he made the bodice too small. But it's sort of nice. Very clumsy, ugly compared to others, but still nice. It has nice, flowing sleeves and a not-too-long skirt that reaches my ankles. It hasn't been dyed yet so it's still a rather dull silver. He's going to show me how to decorate soon. He hasn't quite finished the sleeves yet, and the skirt needs some touching-up. But the ball's soon so he's working at high-speed, and I watch as much as I can and try my hand at some things.
I'm tired now, though. Too much straining of the eyes...
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
Have you ever imagined what it's like being a tailor? You can make all sorts of dresses, without having to buy them, make them to the design right inside your head, and not worry about finding the right one as you push through a bazaar. Well, yes, I'm talking to a book. I've finally cracked.
It began with the OSW ball. Valina was handing out leaflets, and I suddenly decided that I wanted to participate in the event. I wanted to make a really grand dress and, don't laugh, look as good as Ellyana Lilli. So I marched to Heralda and bought some raw spider silk, marched to Branishor and bought some more, then went to Garehk and told him I want him to tell me how to make a dress!
So I gave him all the silk I'd bought and he told me to come up with a design while he made it into silkspun. He told me he'd need a lot more silk, though, so I'm going to get some more once I can. I was distracted by a raid in Caer Laleldan and then decided to rest, so I haven't gotten back to him yet. I have to come up with a design and make the dress all before the ball! Not to mention dying it. Silver's not bad, but it's really dull at the moment. I have such a lot of work in front of me!
All this is helping to distract me from thoughts about Sephy. He hasn't sent me an owl since I returned, even though I sent him an appleblossom to tell him I was around. I'm really scared that he went back to Crontia, but now I don't want to leave Valorn and I definitely don't want to go back to that horrid place. So what do I do? Pray to the gods that he's still in the lands? I think that's it...that's all I can do...
Despite all that, I think things are alright between me and Skye again. I'm not sure, though. It still feels awkward between us. I'm hoping it'll be alright. And...and if Sephy doesn't respond to the second owl I sent him, I'm dragging sis to the ball with me, instead of him. To chase the pain away. Because I don't want to feel pain anymore. It's too over-rated.