Has it really been so many festivals of fall past since I have picked this book up in my hands? I'm not even sure where I would start to write anew. So much has happened. I'm such the quiet type but I notice everything. Perhaps it is time to start writing things down again so I don't forget all that I see.

It has been some time since my last entry. I tend to not write when things are uneventful, so the frequency with them will vary from day to day.

Days have passed since Ellyana left these lands. I'm worried about her, but I'll trust in her to keep her promise to return. At least by reading her journal writings I can know that she still is walking amongst us. it seems like most of my time now is occupied by constant checks for new entries.

I really regret not going along with her, but this was something that she was prepared to do on her own. She wouldn't have me at her side and I knew it was not a subject even worth approaching. All I could do was stand firm in my resolution that she must do what she feels necessary, that it was her fight and should not be meddled with.

Too often we're tempted with shouldering the burdens of others, but some burdens are meant for one person alone and without taking care of the issue themselves, they will never be truly rid of it. I wish that her friends that went ahead of her had realized that. It angers me that they would put her into the way of harm by doing something that would obviously push her to leave these lands. People don't think about the consequences of their actions.

Their intentions, while well meaning, are worthless. Good intentions of the unprepared and uncalculating simply cause more harm than anything else.

I can only hope that Lucy is holding up well. She has taken this parting just as hard as I have. Her caring nature is powerful, I'm sure her heart is with Ellyana at this moment, just as mine is. As long as this remains true, she will never be truly alone... nor without the protection of another's love.

I sat with her after she awoke. Luckily I had some water with me to sooth her dry throat… the poor girl had cried until there was nothing wet left inside of her. As she drank I confronted her about her plans to leave these lands. She seemed adamant about her hasty decision. No matter what arguments I gave, she was convinced that it was for the best to be rid of this place. The problem is that running away from problems cannot heal the wounds in our hearts, for we carry them with us always.

We have to stand firm in the faces of our problems, squaring off against our enemies, even when our enemies are ourselves. I understand however that it is a most difficult thing to think logically when your heart feels like it is about to explode. Reason is powerless when pitted against emotions. I do know that having others help keep a person grounded at those times can help somewhat, however. I resigned myself to do all within my power to keep her steady.

Before we spoke today I withdrew an item from my deposit box in the bank. It is one I had not used in nearly a year… My harp is not a very large one, but on many nights it has been my companion. I am no master musician, but I brought it with me and played a few chords for her as an offering, hoping the sounds would touch and perhaps comfort her heart. I was impressed when she withdrew a small lute and began to play as well, but it was not long until her will to play drained from her and she put her instrument aside.

It was around this time when she suddenly departed. I feared that she would not return-that I had driven her away. When I first confronted her about her thoughts of leaving, I was emotional and at one point I raised my voice. Within me crept a horrible feeling of apprehension and I felt my heart sink within my chest. I found myself clasping Tae’s silver ring against my chest and worrying for her safety.

My worry was not unfounded, as she was slain by a beast upon the wastelands, her body reforming at the life monument where she and I had spent a large part of the past day. I found myself relieved, at least, that she was not gone for good, and that at least she had to spend a few more moments by my side before her strength was regained. She had been out in the wastes, screaming her heart out and I will assume fighting the beasts that dwell there in the process.

Her guild mate Bower came by soon after this incident. At first he seemed like he was in quite a rush, but he saw that she was hurting. My explanation that she was planning on leaving this land left him extremely perplexed. For a while he spoke with her, mainly saying the same things that I had earlier. Bower is a good man and an intelligent one; I’m glad that he came by when he did. The next arrival was none other than the man who caused her tears.

I knew that it was my time to leave. I was merely thankful I could delay her departure until he came. Despite my anger at his tardiness, I knew that he was the only one with a real chance to keep her here. No matter what my feelings for her are, I can’t put them in front of her happiness. If he makes her happy, then so be it… I can see in her eyes how she feels for him, therefore I simply wish for him to treat her as wonderfully as she deserves.

I left them to be alone, taking up refuge in the Inn of Good Health. There I downed about a dozen large ales. My nerves were wrecked from the past few days. I’m not used to being this emotional. It’s so foreign and confusing to me now. She’s changing that slowly, however. I am grateful for that.

A few hours later she came inside of the Inn, apparently having parted with her companion. Her spirits were much higher and I knew at that instant that she was not going to be leaving any time soon. They must have patched things up in the meantime. Her face was bright once more, which made me relax a bit for the first time in over a day.

We spoke for a bit, then she suddenly ran out and purchased the quill which I now write with as a gift. I always feel awkward when accepting such things, but this I am grateful for. She just wanted to do something kind for me. I couldn’t refuse that. It meant that I’d done something worthy of making her smile.

She’s resting now, she was obviously exhausted… I’m looking forward to seeing her smile more often…

Oh how I will make her regret giving me leave to read her journal entries. Given any chance whatsoever, I will do everything within my power to stop her from leaving these lands. I can only hope that he will come to her before then, because I have not been around long enough to be important enough to stay for. If she feels like she is alone in these lands, she is being blinded by her own sadness…

If you read this Ellyana, perhaps you should think of the fact that you will only be truly alone if you go away from the reach of those who care about you…

--



It has been nearly a decade since I've felt a rage such as this. My anger is almost palpable. I can feel it coiling inside my body, with pure black tendrils waiting to loose.

I stayed at her side through the night until she fell asleep wrapped in my cloak.

I stayed there as her tears fell like rain, soaking my shoulder as she wept for you.

I stayed, assuring her that you would come to her.

My body is trembling with emotions I thought I had long locked away. How could you do this to her? I can’t even fathom it. Who wouldn’t come when someone who they claimed to care about was in need? What’s worse is that I fully believed that you would come. I assured her that you would and I had no doubts, even as the hours passed. I could never let those who are precious to me suffer, standing idly by stewing in my own problems.

I can only hope that I can somehow keep her here…

Last night she and I actually did meet up for a little while. She apparently had spoken with her friend earlier and seemed a bit emotionally drained. In Brandishor we sat for a little while, having a drink and speaking a bit. It seems that we have a bit more in common than I was aware of. I wish I could say that was something good, but it just comfirms that she has been through hardships that I wish she'd never encountered. Granted I do not know all the details, but she too seems to have spent a lot of her life without guidance.

There is a lot that troubles her, it seems, or at least much that weighs heavily on her mind. I hope that I do not add to this, for there is more upon her than anyone should have to bear. All I can really do is try to be supportive of her...

Yes, supportive of her. It still strikes me as odd that I have these feelings about someone. I have not made any attempt to be close to anyone else in all of these seven years, but she is different. However, even now a pain nags at me. Just as hers did, my mother died during childbirth... a part of me has avoided connections with others simply out of this irrational fear that dwells within me.

It seems like those near me die in an untimely fashion. Granted this is a childish fear, but it is one that I ingrained into myself as a youth whose world had just crumbled down around him. I suppose she too is similar in that aspect, where her past haunts her present. I look forward to be proven wrong, proven that I am indeed just being insecure, but for some time I will simply be unable to completely quench this fear in my gut.

But I digress...

We both were weary, her eyes showed it as clearly as possible. It took some coaxing, but I eventually convinced her to stray from her habit of sleeping wherever she happened to be and got her to retreat to the Inn as long as I would do the same. Before long her eyes fell closed and she slept soundly, only stirring when the merchant Haggie burst in, yelling about his wares even in the small hours of the morning.

It was there that I wrote the piece from earlier, as I stared at her beautiful form as she slept in tranquility. Below I will include a sketch I also absently scratched out onto these pages before falling into sleep myself. I have no artistic talent, but at the time I could not stay my hand.



She and I awoke around the same time and she blessed me before she left to start her training. I was glad to get to see her today, I did not see her later on but no doubt she had things to discuss with her friend. I sincerely hope I'll get to see her at some point tomorrow, however. I must confess that is is something I find myself looking forward to, my thoughts drifting off without my bidding...

That's all for now. The moon is commanding me to sleep and I must obey.