It isn't that I don't want to, because the longer I am here the more appealing the idea becomes and if I am really honest with myself little book, the more I need it. Commitment was never my strongest suit, shocking I know. But I at least managed it once or twice and if I am ever going to do it again, it's got to be for good. Of course that's assuming anyone will actually have me.

Then there is the whole debacle of putting yourself out there and letting someone else judge your worth. Rejection, also not one of my strong suits and I know I haven't exactly earned a whole lot of yeses anytime lately, or just anytime really. My pride is considerable yet hopelessly fragile.

Time to be a grown up. What an awful thought.