I confess, I can be a little conceited. I know it and I accept it is a part of who I am. Maybe it makes me difficult. Ok there really isn't a maybe about that. It does make me difficult. Alright fine, I was more than a little conceited today, I was downright self important, but if I don't appreciate myself who will? Not enough of an excuse? No? Well probably not but I never said I was perfect.

Love. I've made my messes with it and that is pretty much all I have done. I have had it, squandered it, used it and wasted it many times over. A conversation with a friend brought home to me every reason why my messes happened. For one I am stubborn to the point where I will cut off my own nose to spite my face, and have done. But we age. The things we convinced ourselves were important when we were younger do not always seem quite so important anymore. At least that is what we tell ourselves. But I can't and I won't. There is no settling, there is no - this is most of what I want. It is about what people need in order to survive, live, thrive. Perhaps it is just me and it really probably is, but I would rather have moments where I am unequivocally alive, awake, aware, challenged and engaged, than a lifetime where I convince myself it is enough.

There have been times, people, that have been far more than I have deserved. If I were wiser and less flighty, less wrapped up in the moments and more focused on the reality, if I had been just that little bit less vain. Alas, I just could not settle. I am not perfect, I am not even close to normal, and I know I ask for more than I am worth but I will never just settle.

I need to thrive.