Sometimes life has a way of bringing out the things we most fear and when you give into the fear, doors open to all sorts of things you never expected. Not all of them bad but it's still a scary feeling.

Sometimes it hurts like crazy to get up and be normal - or at least act normal. Everything hurts sometimes - inside and on the outside - but eventually I have to suck it up and get myself up and about. Fear can be the most destructive thing in a persons life if they chose to give into it.

But despite all that and what's going on inside my head I really need to get out and about. Pallas worried for me, I know. Sometimes I think he would be better off without me in his life. He would scold me for saying this sort of thing, so I won't but writing it down makes me feel better. I love that rogue. We still haven't gotten the chance to go ice skating yet and we both really want to - even if that mostly means me falling. It will be interesting for sure. I don't fall right away. There are lots of weird noises and arm flailing before the falling part but we always have fun together and that's what matters. I just need to motivate myself somehow and get myself out of this funk I have been in.

I don't know why Pallas sticks around and is by my side as much as he can be through these times, but I'm sure grateful he does.

Actually I do know why.