I have sat and thought back upon the past much lately. Especially with this festive season upon us, the first one I've gotten to enjoy in oh so long.

Mostly, dear journal, I've sat and walked through my memories in your pages.
And the thought I keep returning to after reading my past is simply how young I was, then. And how old I feel now.

I read the words here and the thought echoes in my mind....'I was only a child...'

~ I was only a child, maybe 7 or so summers to my name when the village was raided, the houses burned and my world crumbled.

~I was only a child when the Old Man took me in after that catastrophe, when he convinced me to talk again, and gave me a new name for my sweet voice, a name which I could use to separate me from the painful past.

~I was only a child when he passed away, mere summers later, and I was left, alone on the edge of the city. When I looked at the map of Valorn upon his cabin wall and decided I would try to go to Dundee, despite how far away I knew it was.

~I was only a child when I walked the dirty filthy streets of that nameless city. When the urchins on the street grabbed me from danger and death and gave me a place with their group. When I began to sing on streetcorners to distract passerby's from little grasping hands and sharp knifes separating plat pouches from owner. When I started to walk the rooftops and blend into shadows and break into homes.

~I was only a child when I took the plat and ran away, old enough to know that I could make it to Dundee now and foolish enough to think troubles would end there.

~I was only a child when I got here, even after I gained a sword, a home, a profession, love...I was a child playing an adult game and once shyness melted away I was thrilled by the trivial silly things of the world, and by my own skill and wit as a rogue.

~I was only a child when I broke hearts like one breaks an egg.

~I was only a child when I found a new place to call home, and ones who would welcome me with open arms into a newly formed guild.

~And I was only a child when I left it all, turned my back with barely a goodbye and walked away from it all with a troubled mind, a darkened soul and a burden that felt to heavy to bear.


I don't feel much like a child anymore, and I can look back on these things and so many more and feel that who I am today is no one to be ashamed of. All the pain, all the people whom I may have wronged...I hold them close to my heart. I try to never forget them. But I move on. And I look forward. And try to be the best version of myself that I can. One day I'm sure my tally of dark deeds will catch up to me...but I'll meet it with a grin, and see if I don't just laugh in the face of Death.