It grows harder and harder to venture back, more difficult with each passing day to muster up enough energy to wake up. Each time I open my eyes it is the same view, the ocean and the beach, coarse pebbles and rough sand beneath the cloak I lay upon. There are few I even speak to anymore, but I have only myself to blame for that. I think I've walled myself off from the majority of society. Sounds horribly pitiful and pathetic to whine about being lonely when I'm the instigator of the situation, but I don't think I'm well known for being rational.

I think another reason I seek solace in sleep is the horrible guilt I feel for the guild. We fare quite well with Pallas, but I feel like I am more of a hindrance than help. I contribute nothing, and worse than that guilty admission is the fact that right now I don't care that I contribute nothing. I'm being horribly selfish and sulky like a little child, but even realizing the fact isn't doing much to change my attitude. I wonder what is wrong with me? Is it the fact that I still have no purpose? But you'd think that with no purpose here I'd move on...and yet, I keep on crawling back with no purpose in mind except for the fact that I feel I should be here. Something keeps me bound to this place, and though it is by the thinnest of threads that I cling, here I still am.

Not much else to write about...for someone who once took so much solace in written word, I find that the words are only a bitter mockery anymore.